The Waiting
by Totoro-Pirate
Summary: A story of life, love and loss. Kurt goes back to Ohio to be with his father as he goes through his prostate cancer treatment and bumps into the last person he expected to see at the oncology ward: Sebastian Smythe.
1. Chapter 1

Kurt had always hated hospitals. There was something eerily unsettling about them that just put him on edge. And well, all the time he spent as a child in the hospital following his mother's accident was part of it, definitely. But despite that, there was the fact that no one ever went to the hospital for good reasons, not really.

People always had to be either hurt badly, terribly ill or dying to need a hospital. Even when it was a woman giving birth, being in the hospital always ended up being stressful.

And then, there was the worse part, which was _the waiting._

Waiting rooms were cold and impersonal. The plain walls and rows of uncomfortable seats with people scattered around offered no real comfort during the dreaded time he had to spend there.

There were all kinds of people and families waiting there, all for different and yet similar reasons. It was the oncology ward, after all. Kurt knew every person waiting in that place had someone they loved going through cancer, and it was depressing to think about.

There was something painful that jabbed inside Kurt's heart whenever he saw some of the patients coming out and meeting their families back in the waiting room, especially the younger ones, who were 10 or 12 years old at the most, heads bald and faces pale as they came out from chemo and were ready to go home.

Lately, Kurt visited the hospital so often that he felt like he knew most of the people at the waiting room. There were some people he'd made small talk with every now and then, sharing names and why they were there. Sometimes it was good to spend the time, and sometimes he couldn't help but realize, even if selfishly, that perhaps his dad had better odds than most of the others.

Odds, that's what it all came to. They couldn't know how things were going to turn out; all they had to do was wait.

Burt had tried to make things seem so simple when he first broke the news to him, but Kurt knew nothing was ever simple where cancer was concerned.

_"We caught it early. Local stage, no spreading, cure rate is nearly 100%"_

Kurt smiled bitterly to himself as he remembered his father's words that day. He sounded so optimistic and relaxed about it all and Kurt wanted to believe him, he wished he could. But the truth remained; his dad had cancer and needed treatment and surgery.

Kurt knew he was supposed to be the strong one, and he tried his best to put a tough front. Demanding his dad look for another oncologist to get a second opinion on his condition, which Burt eventually did. The prognosis was pretty much the same, and Kurt knew he needed to get more involved and be there for his dad and support him. He had to be strong and optimistic even though inside sometimes he felt like he couldn't be.

Not when his dad was pretty much all he had left and his life was in danger. Because when it came down to it, cancer was in fact a life threatening illness.

_Adenocarcinoma._ Just pronouncing it made Kurt's skin prickle with unease.

They had to wait six weeks after the diagnosis to be able to start him on radiotherapy. The purpose of it was to try and reduce the size of the tumor before the surgery. It was standard procedure but Kurt wished they didn't have to wait at all, just the thought of the tumor growing inside his dad made him sick with worry.

Kurt made all necessary arrangements to move out of New York, taking a leave of absence from work and grateful he was able to arrange things so he could start in NYADA until the next winter semester. He didn't care about losing 1 year, not anymore.

So he moved back to Lima to be with his dad, and every two days, week after week, Kurt had been driving him one and a half hours down to the Cleveland Clinic, one of the top ranked hospitals for cancer treatment in the country.

Every session took nearly an hour, and Kurt would always seat in the waiting room patiently for his dad to come out. The first few times he came out of it as if nothing happened, and so Burt would tell him that he was worrying for nothing, that he was fine and could handle this by himself, that Kurt should return to New York, but Kurt was stubborn and wasn't going anywhere. He wanted to be there for his dad, he knew he would need him, and after the 3rd radiotherapy session, Kurt knew he made the right choice.

The radiation started to hurt him, and made his skin irritable, making it painful to sit down. Driving all the way back to Lima was out of the question, and Carole couldn't drive him every day when she had to work. So no matter how awful the waiting was, Kurt knew there was no other place he'd rather be.

Even though he was so young back when it happened, Kurt still remembered how helpless he felt right after his mother's accident. They'd been waiting outside for days, hoping for his mother to wake up from the coma, but she never did, and Kurt never had the chance to say goodbye.

Even though he knew his father's situation was different, Kurt couldn't help but have that small fear in the back of his mind, of something bad happening to his dad while he was far away and unable to be there for him.

He looked at his phone to check the time; realizing only forty minutes had passed. His phone was almost dead because he'd spent too long fooling around with it to distract himself. The old magazines lying in piles in the small corner table were completely unappealing and there was no one he recognized around him to make small talk with.

He looked across the room and noticed a man sitting by himself on the last row of chairs. Kurt realized he had never seen him before. The man seemed to be in his early fifties, he was tall and well dressed in a business suit, reading something in his iPad. Thick-framed glasses covered his eyes but Kurt could clearly see the stern look on his face. Kurt didn't mean to stare, but there was something about him that he just couldn't quite put his finger on. His face looked familiar, but Kurt was certain he had never seen him before, at least not at the hospital.

After a while of just looking at him Kurt figured that maybe he'd waited on him while he was working at the Lima Bean. It was far fetched, since they were so far from Lima, but still, Kurt couldn't help his curiosity. Either way, the man was sitting far from him and Kurt wasn't about to approach him like a creep, so he decided to get up and head towards the cafeteria instead. He still had at least twenty or thirty minutes left to be there, and he could use some coffee.

He walked down the hall and out of the building, the sun was shining brightly and he stood there for a while, just reveling in the feeling of the warm sunrays. It was a cold January day, and a little bit windy. Kurt shuddered as he clung to his jacket and started walking towards the cafeteria.

He sat in there for a while, hot coffee and a scone on his table while he fumbled mindlessly through his phone again, even when the battery threatened to die repeatedly. He was going over his text messages and couldn't help but feel conflicted.

Blaine had been texting him even more now that he knew Kurt was back in Lima and sure, Kurt had managed to forgive him for the cheating, but that didn't mean it was easy for him to suddenly just jump back into being best friends again. Blaine was a little over enthusiastic about the whole thing every time they talked or texted, and Kurt just was at a loss of what to do.

Lately Blaine had been texting him, asking about his dad, and well, it was nice that he worried about him, so Kurt politely texted him back with the tiny little details about how the treatment was going. They couldn't really know until they finished with the radiotherapy though, so again, all they could really do was wait.

"_Remember, I'm here for you if you need anything :)"_

Kurt stared at the words in the screen on his phone and sighed. If only things were _that_ simple.

He decided to head back to the waiting room, so he got up, cup of coffee in hand, and started walking towards the oncology ward. There were a few benches right beside gates at the entrance, and something caught his attention.

There was a guy, sitting there, hunched over with his elbows propped over his knees, and he was wearing a Dalton cap. Slowly, Kurt decided to get closer and see if he could take a look at whom it was.

Slender figure, long legs, dirty blond hair sticking out from the back of the cap, it didn't take long for him to realize who it was. Kurt wondered for a moment if he could turn the other way before being noticed but right then the guy turned to the side and saw him, green eyes wide and clearly surprised to see Kurt just as much as Kurt was surprised to see him.

"Kurt?"

"Sebastian, hi." He said smiling awkwardly, taking a few steps forward. "What are you doing here?"

Sebastian frowned and seemed to be at a loss for words for half a second before responding.

"Um... I could ask the same to you." Sebastian quickly replied, his smile tight and maybe even a little nervous.

The situation was awkward enough, but Kurt couldn't really sense ill will from Sebastian. He didn't look annoyed, as the other times they'd seen each other before. If anything, Sebastian actually looked _tired. _And so Kurt decided to just tell him -he was already there, after all- and a little conversation couldn't hurt.

"I'm here with my dad..." Kurt started, sitting down in the other side of the bench. "He was just diagnosed with prostate cancer... and he's getting treated here."

Sebastian just nodded, lips in a tight line and a sympathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry to hear," was all he said, glancing around the parking lot before turning back to Kurt.

"What about you?" Kurt quickly asked, hoping to start a conversation of some sort, he really was curious about why Sebastian was there, right outside the oncology ward. He saw a little hint of panic in Sebastian's eyes at his question, but he quickly composed himself.

"Oh, I'm just here with my dad too but... just check ups and stuff." he said, shrugging.

Right then, they were interrupted as Kurt's phone started ringing.

"Dad?"

_"Hey buddy, where are you?"_

"I'm right outside the building, is everything okay?"

_"Yeah, I just got out."_

"Already? That's great dad... are you in the waiting room?"

_"Yes."_

"Okay, um... I can go get the car if you want, and I'll pick you up here by the benches."

_"Alright."_

Kurt hung up and put his cellphone away. Sebastian was staring at him expectantly.

"That was my dad. He's done for the day, so... I'm just-"

"Go ahead, don't worry." Sebastian said.

"Right." Kurt said, smiling awkwardly as he got up from the bench.

"It was nice seeing you, Kurt." Sebastian said, much to Kurt's surprise. "Good luck with your dad."

"Um, thanks. Same to you, bye."

As Kurt walked away and towards the parking lot, he couldn't help but feel a little weird at their exchange. Granted this was the first time he and Sebastian had seen each other in months, but it was also the first time they'd been actually civil to each other.

It was a nice surprise to a point, Kurt guessed. He'd been skeptical about Sebastian's apology to them all those months ago, but apparently he meant it. This Sebastian was different from the arrogant and scheming boy he'd grown to dislike so much. He seemed shy and even nervous around Kurt. Kurt just hoped it wasn't because he was doing anything with Blaine. Not that it mattered anyway, but still.

Kurt laughed at his own thoughts as he got into his car and started the engine. He slowly drove back to the entrance of the building, and as he got closer he noticed there was another car parking there. What Kurt witnessed right then shocked him.

The man Kurt had seen in the waiting room was there, getting out of the car and helping Sebastian get up on his feet. He carefully opened the passenger door for him as Sebastian got in, limping a little bit and holding his right hand to his chest. The expression on the man's face was no longer stern like it was back in the waiting room; it was soft and full of concern.

Kurt felt something twist in his stomach with the realization of what that meant.

Sebastian was not here because of his dad. It was actually the other way around. He'd seen that man in the waiting room. No wonder his face looked familiar; Sebastian looked _just like him_. He was definitely Sebastian's father.

What the hell was going on?

* * *

_**Author's note: **__Thank you so much for reading this first part! I already have a few chapters written on this story so I hope to be able update consistently once a week. Any feedback and reviews are always appreciated._

_And thanks to the lovely Larinia713 for her help with this._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's note**__: Thank you for the amazing feedback on the first chapter. All the alerts and reviews made me smile. _

_Also, I just want to say that if you notice any mistakes, please let me know. I don't have a beta and even though my English is pretty decent it's still not my first language so mistakes can slip and I appreciate the feedback._

_**Warning for this chapter:**__ Minor Character Death_

* * *

The drive back to Lima was silent. Burt was looking out the window as Kurt drove, eyes fixed on the road and deep in thought. Curiosity and a little bit of concern were still eating him inside as they arrived home.

He went to his room after helping his dad up the stairs and turned on his laptop. He logged into Facebook and quickly searched for Sebastian's profile. They weren't friends, and never in his wildest dreams would Kurt even think about adding him there, but now his fingers ached to just click the 'add friend' button.

Kurt was feeling torn; part of him wanted to know what was going on with Sebastian, but at the same time he was chastising himself inside for snooping. Sebastian wasn't his friend; they didn't even like each other. Sebastian most likely wouldn't want Kurt minding what was none of his business.

Kurt couldn't help but worry about him though, because what if Sebastian was sick? _What if..._ He didn't even want to think about it. The mere thought made him squirm inside. So after staring at the computer screen for several minutes and before he could stop himself, Kurt finally clicked the button, instantly taking his hand off the mouse as if it had burned him. He felt a little nervous, wondering what Sebastian was going to think about the sudden friend request.

Kurt didn't expect Sebastian to accept it right away, but after a while of browsing around mindlessly through his news feed, nothing happened; and that made him even more anxious.

Kurt logged out and went downstairs to prepare lunch for his dad and himself. He really needed to make himself busy and stop thinking about this. It was getting ridiculous.

Soon enough, Carole and Finn came back from work and they were able to spend the afternoon quiet and relaxing. Burt always felt a little weak after each session, but it was nothing crippling. A bit of irritation and bladder issues as side effects were uncomfortable, but bearable. He was lucky he didn't need chemotherapy, at least for now, otherwise he would have been feeling much worse.

Kurt couldn't help but feel disappointed when he checked his Facebook again later that night and realized Sebastian still hadn't accepted his friend request. He went to bed hoping that perhaps Sebastian just hadn't been online all day, and that's why he hadn't seen it. It was unlikely, but it helped calm his nerves a bit.

The next day, Kurt made himself busy around the house and his father's garage. He would stop by every now and then and check things with Arnold, his dad's right hand and manager in charge. Kurt enjoyed being there every once in a while, even if it got his hands dirty whenever he offered to help with some of the simpler tasks. He had so many memories about being there growing up, that he felt right at home.

He spent the afternoon practicing piano; he didn't want to get rusty once he started at NYADA next semester. Music helped him relax and singing had always been a gateway to express himself and let his emotions to run free. It was therapeutic.

They didn't need to go to back to the Cleveland Clinic until tomorrow, so Kurt had the day mostly to himself. His dad spent the day relaxing and recovering, so when next morning came he was ready for his radiotherapy session again.

As they arrived at the hospital, Kurt couldn't help but wonder if he would see Sebastian again. When he got to the waiting room, his eyes immediately searched for Sebastian's father, but he was nowhere in sight.

Seeing as he had a lot of time in his hands while he waited, Kurt decided to log into Facebook again, only to realize he still hadn't being added by Sebastian. Kurt liked to torture himself, or so it seemed.

They went every two days to the hospital, as usual, and for the rest of that week and the next one, he didn't see Sebastian again. Kurt was indignant about Sebastian ignoring his friend request, but he figured he'd been silly to even think that Sebastian would want anything to do with him in the first place. They weren't friends, and Kurt needed to remember that.

.

On Thursday night, Kurt was chatting on Skype with Blaine and Tina about their antics at McKinley and Finn's attempts at keeping the Glee club active and busy now that they weren't competing anymore. Kurt had managed to not think about Sebastian for the past few days, until Blaine brought up the upcoming regionals competition, and how Trent had invited him to come see the Warblers perform.

Blaine said he was uncertain about going, feeling a little uncomfortable since he had rejected their latest attempt at bringing him back, but he said that Trent was insisting he come see them nonetheless. Trent had always been a nice guy, and Kurt suspected he had a little crush on Blaine, but never gave it much thought. To be honest, it seemed like all the Warblers had some sort of crush on Blaine, even the ones who were straight.

Kurt giggled at his own silly thoughts for a moment until he realized something. Going to the competition could give him the chance to see Sebastian and satisfy his recurring curiosity. So he decided to make a move and convince Blaine that he should go, offering to go with him with the excuse that he was bored and missed the old days of show choir competitions.

Blaine immediately forgot about his uncertainty and quickly started making plans to pick Kurt and Tina up so they could go together, but Tina declined the invitation. No matter how much Kurt pleaded her to go with them, and how much Blaine insisted, she said she didn't really feel like going. That it was hard enough to realize she wouldn't have the chance to shine in her senior year without that horrible reminder, and Kurt figured she was right.

So it would be only Blaine and him going to see The Warblers on Friday night. _Great._ Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes a little bit, this curiosity was going to be the death of him.

When Friday evening finally came, Kurt was feeling excitement bubble up inside him in a weird kind of way as they entered the Auditorium. He couldn't help but feel nostalgic as he watched the different competing teams getting ready for their performances. The sight of parents and coming to support their children, with handmade cardboard signs they would hold up amidst the audience was just heartwarming.

They found seats in a really nice spot in the center rows; they would be able to watch the performances up close from there. Blaine seemed to be excited and relaxed, and Kurt was pleasantly surprised to realize coming alone had not been awkward after all. Maybe this whole being just friends thing could really work between them.

The first group was from a school in Zanesville; they performed completely a capella, and it was quite impressive. The crowd cheered and gave them a standing ovation after they finished their set. The Warblers had some tough competition, and Kurt was curious about what they were going perform this time.

Soon enough The Warblers were called on stage, and when the music started playing, Kurt immediately recognized the song, but he paid no attention to it as his eyes scanned the rows of blazer clad boys, looking for one particular warbler. The new guy, Hunter, was in the lead, he could see Thad and Jeff beside him. Nick and Trent were in the back row and Sebastian... Wasn't there?

Kurt kept looking for him but realized Sebastian wasn't on stage. Kurt was sure he heard Blaine talk about both Sebastian and the new guy Hunter when he told him about time he went to Dalton the other day, so why wasn't Sebastian performing?

When the music for their second song started Kurt was hoping Sebastian would appear through the curtains and join the group, but that wasn't the case.

Was Sebastian not a Warbler anymore? This was odd. Kurt felt more curious now than ever, but he refrained from making any comments to Blaine while they were there. He didn't seem to notice Sebastian's absence, or maybe he just didn't want to mention it to Kurt.

Once the competition ended and The Warblers were declared winners, Blaine asked Kurt if it was okay if they went backstage to congratulate the guys. Kurt agreed and they went down the stairs together.

"Blaine! You came!" Trent said, giving him a hug.

"Kurt, so good to see you here too!" Nick said as he approached them.

"You guys were amazing... congratulations on the victory." Blaine told them as Thad, Jeff, David and the rest of the guys gathered around them.

"You should've been there with us... would have made it ten times better." Said Hunter, slowly walking towards them, and Kurt couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "You could be in your way to nationals with us, but instead you're stuck in the losing side. It's a shame, really."

This guy's pretentiousness waved off of him; if Kurt ever thought Sebastian was arrogant this Hunter guy was so much worse.

Blaine shrugged uncomfortably, "Yeah, well seems like you didn't need me after all. You guys were amazing... but, where's Sebastian?" Blaine suddenly asked, clearly hoping to change the subject. "I'm surprised he's not here."

Kurt felt relieved that it was Blaine asking the question, because he was pretty sure he wouldn't have dared to ask himself. He watched as the guys looked at one another, clearly at a loss of what to say, until Trent finally spoke.

"He left. Transferred out or something. We're not sure..." He said, brow furrowed, "He didn't come back to Dalton after winter break."

"That's strange..." Blaine said, a little intrigued. Kurt decided to just stay aside and listen.

"Yeah, none of us have seen him and I tried calling him a few times," started Nick, "but he never picks up, and he hasn't replied to any of our-"

"Oh he just probably went back to Paris or something..." Hunter interrupted Nick, clearly trying to dismiss the conversation, "It doesn't matter anyway. We're going to nationals!" he cheered.

The guys shared awkward glances, but none of them said anything about Hunter's abrupt interruption. Soon enough the rest of the group who weren't in the small circle around Blaine started cheering along, and Kurt felt an itch in his hand to just smack this Hunter guy, but he refrained.

Apparently Sebastian had just disappeared on them. But Kurt knew for a fact that he was still in Ohio, and as much as he hated it, now he felt more determined than ever to find out what was going on.

He didn't know Sebastian enough to tell if he was close to any of the guys at Dalton, but Kurt figured if he wasn't returning any of their calls and had just left without a word then he probably wasn't.

Sebastian was a mystery for Kurt in so many ways.

.

On Monday morning, Kurt found himself in the waiting room again. His dad had four more weeks of radiotherapy scheduled. Kurt wished he could feel relieved about it, but all it meant was that he was getting closer to his surgery.

It wasn't that he wasn't happy about the progress made. According to Dr. Miller, the radiotherapy was being effective and he was certain that Burt would have a speedy recovery after surgery. However, Kurt knew he couldn't claim victory, not until his dad's cancer was officially gone.

Cancer was just so unpredictable and lethal. Case in point, today there seemed to be more people than usual in the waiting room. He could spot several familiar faces, and many others, probably family members, since they were all sitting together.

Kurt didn't know if it had anything to do with the time of the day, since this particular appointment was scheduled later than usual. They'd always come at 9am but today Dr. Miller had set it up for 10:30, and the waiting room was almost full.

And then it happened. Mrs. Darcy, one of the women that Kurt had once or twice spoken with, came out. Her face was flushed and her eyes red from crying, her husband was standing next to her, holding her tightly as they delivered the news to the group that was sitting together in the waiting room.

"Joshua just passed away... he's gone."

_Joshua?_ Kurt thought to himself. _Twelve year old Joshua? Oh no._

It was impossible not to notice how the atmosphere in the waiting room instantly shifted at the sound of their words, sorrow and despair infecting everyone around them.

Little Joshua was one of the kids under treatment for Leukemia. The family was devastated as they cried and hugged and comforted the couple for the loss of their son. Kurt could feel a painful knot forming in his throat, tears pooling in his eyes and threatening to spill at the sight of the broken family before him.

It was so unfair, so terrible and sad to see people suffer like this because of this terrible illness. It was unbearable. Kurt wished he could stand up and walk across the room to give Mrs. Darcy his sympathies, but he just couldn't even move. Not when he could see her breaking down with her family around her, trying their best to be supportive while they all mourned the loss of little Joshua.

Joshua was gone; he lost the battle against Leukemia. Could his dad really win against his prostate cancer? Kurt could feel his hands shaking from where he was holding the book he was reading, and decided to close it.

Right then, a woman sitting next to him touched his shoulder gently.

"Here..." she said softly as she handed him a tissue. Kurt hadn't even realized the tears had spilled and were running down his face. He could feel himself blush as he thanked her for the kind gesture. He looked into her eyes and realized that she was crying as well. How could anyone not?

They were all there for the same reasons, after all. Every person in that waiting room had family members or friends going through cancer, and somehow witnessing how that family suffered through a loss that they all feared could also happen to them was incredibly upsetting.

"It's just horrible... isn't it? That poor family..." she said, and all Kurt could do was nod.

"My son has leukemia, you know? He got diagnosed just the day before Christmas eve..." she wiped a few tears that slipped down her cheek as she tried to smile.

"I'm so sorry." Kurt said sympathetically, because what else could he possibly say?

"He is so strong though. Half the time I feel like he is the one comforting me, when it should be the other way around."

Kurt sighed. "That happens to me as well... with my dad. He has prostate cancer, and he acts like it's nothing, while I'm worried sick every single day." He shook his head as he smiled, wiping the rest of his tears.

The small conversation was comforting in a weird way, even if it was just for a few minutes. They briefly exchanged a few stories about how they helped his dad and her son respectively to cope with the treatment side effects and how it affected them as a family. It was interesting and Kurt appreciated the company.

They were so lost in their conversation that Kurt didn't notice when his dad came out and walked towards where they were seated.

"Hey Kurt... ready to go?"

"Yes..." Kurt said, a little startled. He slowly started getting up from the chair and gathering his things, before turning back to the woman. "It was very nice talking to you, um..."

When Burt realized Kurt was with the lady beside him, he looked between them awkwardly, kind of waiting for Kurt to introduce them, and that's when Kurt realized _they_ hadn't even introduced themselves properly.

The woman must have picked up on this, because she quickly stood up and said: "I'm Vivienne... Vivienne Smythe."

"Burt Hummel."

They shook hands and smiled politely while Kurt just gaped in complete disbelief.

"I'm uh... Kurt... my name is Kurt." he blurted out, still in shock of what he'd just heard.

"Well, thanks for keeping me company Kurt." She said before turning back to Burt, "It was nice meeting you. Good luck with everything, you have a very special son."

"Thank you." Burt replied, putting his arm around Kurt like a proud father. Kurt felt himself blush and smiled nervously. Suddenly he felt like he really needed to get out of there.

They said their goodbyes and soon Kurt and Burt were on their way back home. Kurt was feeling conflicted. He didn't know what to make of all these things he'd suddenly realized about Sebastian's situation. It was just baffling.

Of all the people he could have met in that waiting room, Kurt had ended up meeting Sebastian's mom. It was just surreal. He just couldn't believe it, but he didn't mention anything to his dad, he just didn't know what to make of the whole situation.

It was time for lunch when he and his dad finally made it back home. Luckily for them, Carole was already back from work and in the middle of cooking something that smelled absolutely delicious. Kurt was relieved to see that he wouldn't have to cook this time. He didn't mind doing it at all, in fact he loved cooking, but not when he was really hungry and desperate to eat.

After lunch, Carole asked Kurt to go with her to get some groceries, and so he spent the rest of the afternoon out of the house, going to the grocery store and running some other errands Carole needed to take care of.

Once he came back and got to his room, Kurt decided to check his email. His stomach did a little flip once he realized Sebastian had not only _finally_ added him on Facebook but had also sent him a message.

Kurt could feel his heart picking up speed as he logged in and checked the message, which was only 4 words long, but very direct.

**From Sebastian Smythe:**

**We need to talk.**

* * *

_**Author's note: **__Next chapter will be told from Sebastian's POV, so stay tuned!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Two months ago._

Sebastian was home, sitting on the desk trying to concentrate on his homework. He was trying really had but he was failing miserably. He'd been feeling really tired lately, and no matter how many hours he got to sleep, he'd wake up feeling as if he still didn't get enough.

Right now though, he felt absolutely exhausted. He knew he shouldn't have gone to the party at Jason's house the night before. He laughed at himself, because he should know better than to sneak out on a school night, but his parents were out of town and well, he just couldn't resist.

He'd had a few beers, but he didn't really get drunk, so he had no idea why he was feeling so terribly hung over. All day he'd been struggling to stay awake during class, so when he finally got home he took a long nap before starting with his homework. It was Thursday, at least, and he was really looking forward to the weekend.

He continued feeling tired the next week, but he figured it was because of the stress from school. He was just sick of everything, lately even Warbler rehearsals managed to irk him to no end. Hunter was just so demanding about winning regionals, and insisted on having rehearsals every single day after school even though the competition was still more than 1 month away. The only times he could get away were when he had lacrosse games but lately, even that seemed like too much of a task for Sebastian.

Practices had been hellish lately; the coach was pushing them really hard because of an upcoming game. It was the last game of the season, right before winter break.

Lately, Sebastian felt winded too soon during practice, and his endurance was reduced immensely. As much as he tried, by the end of the week, Sebastian realized he couldn't keep up with the team, not like he used to. He was supposed to be in the first line for the big game, but soon enough the coach had noticed his shortcomings and decided to change him, leaving Sebastian in the bench for most of the game while another guy took his place.

He felt angry with himself, but he was sure he was coming down with something. The cold weather certainly didn't help, he'd been getting headaches and his nose was a little runny.

"Do yourself a favor and go to the doctor, Smythe." The coach told him as the team was heading towards the showers. "I need you to be good as new when you return from winter break. We have a great season coming up."

Sebastian just nodded, smiling tightly at the coach's advice; maybe he _should_ go to the doctor and see what the hell he was coming down with. Tylenol didn't help his headaches half the time, and it was unusual for him to get tired so easily. He didn't feel like he was in his 100% at all, and his leg hurt from how he'd slammed against another guy during the game.

Once he got home, all he wanted to do was sleep, and so he did. Later that night, Sebastian felt his leg still hurting, when he took off his pants and looked down to his thigh he could see a large bruise starting to form. _Great_. That's just what he needed on his last week of school, a big bruise on his leg.

His mom had already told him they should to go down to the doctor, but Sebastian wanted to wait up until classes were over. He needed to focus on getting the highest grades he could manage, after all, this was his senior year and he wanted to be on top of his class.

However, Sebastian started getting more worried when the bruise on his leg refused to fade away as the days passed. If anything, it actually looked as if it was spreading. It turned a deep blue and purple, with bits of red and disgusting green at the edges. It was horrible to look at, and painful when he walked. He was used to having scratches and bruises all over his body, but none of his other bruises had ever looked this bad. He didn't even remember hitting his leg that hard to have a bruise that big.

So he finally let his mom take him down to the doctor's office for a check-up. He talked to the doctor about the tiredness and headaches, and when the doctor asked him to take his clothes off for the physical examination he was alarmed when he saw other bruises on Sebastian's back and shoulders.

"I play lacrosse, I'm always bruised here and there." Sebastian said, but the doctor said he needed blood tests to see if it could be something serious. Sebastian had a complete blood count and X-rays, and a couple of days later they we're called back to the doctors office to get the results.

It turned out that Sebastian's white blood cell count was unusually high, and he knew something was definitely wrong when the doctor said he needed a bone marrow biopsy right away.

He didn't like the sound of that _at all,_ but didn't want to get ahead of himself and panic just yet. The biopsy was a little painful, but bearable, and they were asked to come back in 3 days to get the results.

Those were the 3 longest days of Sebastian's life. No matter how tired he was, he couldn't sleep enough to feel rested, and every night he'd wake up breathing heavily and sweating, feeling damp and cold.

The morning of the 24th, he and his mom went back to the doctor's office. His dad stayed home, as he had to go to the airport to pick up Catherine, Sebastian's older sister.

The doctor finally had a confirmed diagnosis, and what he said shook Sebastian's world upside down:

_"Acute lymphoblastic leukemia"_

The words cut through him, ringing in his ears and echoing in his mind, getting louder and louder. He could see the doctor in the desk in front of them, talking and explaining something to his mother, but he couldn't hear him anymore. All Sebastian could feel was a loud buzzing in his ears, a numbness overpowering him inside and he could faintly feel his mother's hand gripping his own. But it was all so distant, so quiet, muffled, like he was underwater.

_Leukemia. _It felt like a dream, like a horrible fucking nightmare, but Sebastian was suddenly hyper aware of just how real it was.

_He had cancer. He could die. Was he going to die?_

Sure felt like it. Sebastian could feel himself shaking, cold sweat sticking to his clothes, dread spreading through his chest.

He dropped his head on his hands, hunching over in his chair and taking deep breaths, feeling panic rise inside him and trying desperately to hold himself together. He could barely hear his mother's voice pulling him back from the haze. Felt her arms holding his shoulders, and her hands soothing circles on his back. Suddenly, Sebastian snapped back into reality, looking up at her and completely losing it. Tears he didn't even feel pooling in his eyes suddenly streamed down his face, choked sobs shaking him violently as they hugged, mother and son inconsolable in each other's arms.

_"It's okay, you're going to be okay. I love you, Bastian, everything is going to be okay."_

Sebastian clung to her words, wishing them to be true. But they didn't feel like they held any truth. Not once the doctor explained what the treatment involved, and the procedures he needed to go through in order to get better.

By the time they left the clinic, Sebastian was feeling strangely numb. All the crying helped him release some of the tension and stress, so now he just felt light and unattached. Everything around him seemed different, yet he was sure the world still was exactly the same, it was just him who had changed drastically on the inside.

That day was supposed to be a day of celebrations, delicious food and spending quality time with his parents and sister. It was special because they barely ever got the chance to do that during the rest of the year, but now it was ruined. The doctor referred them to a hospital down in Cleveland, certain that they could give Sebastian the best medical attention for his particular case. They had to go as soon as possible and get some other tests done so they could start him on treatment right away.

As his mom drove them back home in silence, Sebastian knew this was going to be harder than anything he'd ever imagined. He didn't know what was worse, the terrible news he just received, or watching his mom cry like she did back in the doctor's office. His feelings were a blur.

When they got back home Sebastian could see his father's car parked in the driveway, which meant he was already back from the airport. His sister Catherine flew from New York, where she attended college, just so she could spend Christmas with them.

The second they got through the door the tears started all over again. Only this time Sebastian just sat in the couch, feeling strangely removed from the situation around him as his mom explained everything the doctor told them. He sat in silence as his sister wiped the tears from her eyes and his father put his arms around him, whispering reassuring words into his ear. He told him not to be afraid, that they would get a second opinion, that he would make sure he was treated by the best doctors they could find.

For the first time in his life Sebastian was glad his father was such a strong and collected man. He just didn't want to cry anymore, not when he knew it wouldn't do anything to help, it would only make him feel worse when he already felt like he was sinking.

So he smiled painfully and tried his best to put up a tough front. He hugged his sister and listened to her as she spoke words of encouragement and faith, he didn't really want to hear it, but he couldn't find it in himself to say anything. Instead he just smiled through his tears as his sister slowly calmed down, their foreheads pressed together and her hands gripping his cheeks and going through his hair affectionately as she prayed for him.

Sooner or later, Sebastian figured, he'd have to get used to this.

He couldn't stop his mom from calling his aunt and grandmother and pouring her heart out. Or stop his dad from talking to his uncle, asking for advice and doctor recommendations. He knew that difficult times were coming and they would need as much support as possible. He just wasn't sure if that's what he wanted.

The process of breaking the news to people was emotionally exhausting. Having people break down in front of him, giving him pitiful looks or smothering him with attentions was just something Sebastian wasn't sure he could handle without going insane. Even though they only told a few close members of the family, soon enough the news spread like wildfire and he had calls and emails even from their family back in Paris.

By the time they went down to the Cleveland Clinic and started him on treatment, Sebastian was absolutely certain he didn't want anyone else knowing about this.

Sebastian knew that treatment was supposed to help him get better, but he didn't _feel_ any better. First the lumbar puncture, then the chest port, and of course, the chemotherapy.

No matter how many things he read online; nothing could have prepared him for what he actually felt after his first chemotherapy session. If he thought having a catheter surgically inserted into his chest was uncomfortable, having all those chemicals pumped into his bloodstream was a million times worse. It felt like being poisoned.

He felt weaker than before, sometimes barely able to get out of bed by himself but refusing to have to use a wheelchair. All he wanted to do was sleep, except he couldn't. Not once the nausea kicked in, stabbing him in the stomach and making him heave until there was nothing left in him but tears and desperation.

It usually got better after a few days, the side effects from the chemotherapy slowly dissipating. But just when he thought he was starting to feel normal again it was time to do it all over again. The chemicals all but killed his immune system, and because of that he had to stay in the hospital for almost 4 weeks. Spending New Years Eve in the hospital, feeling sick and not even being able to eat or stay awake for long was utterly depressing for him, but he tried to not let it show. His mom, dad and sister went over and spent the night with him, sitting uncomfortably in the couch of his hospital room, trying to cheer him up and keeping him company until they had to leave.

By the second week of treatment, his hair had slowly started to fall out, but Sebastian didn't want to shave his head until it was absolutely necessary. He didn't want to be bald; it was bad enough to _feel_ like shit, he didn't want to also _look _like shit.

He knew he was being stubborn, childish even. But no matter how much hair he was losing, he wouldn't budge.

After the fourth week of being in the hospital he was allowed to go home, though the treatment was far from over. He still had to go to the hospital every week to continue with the chemotherapy but at least he was relieved to be able to be out. He missed his house, his room, everything.

His dad was the one to come pick him up that morning. He got there a bit earlier than he had to and Sebastian was still not finished with his round of chemo. Once Sebastian was finally done and discharged, and right before they left the clinic, his dad opened up his suitcase and took out Sebastian's Dalton cap.

Sebastian smiled and thanked him for remembering; he didn't want to go out without a hat on, not when his hair was all uneven and weird. The cap would hide the bald spots just fine, and it actually matched his jacket, which was a plus. Sebastian looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. It sure made his pale face look better when he did, even if he didn't really feel like he had many reasons to smile at all.

He was used to feeling tired by now, but that didn't mean he liked it. Just walking from the ward to the parking lot felt like a mile long run. Sebastian couldn't even make it all the way to the car. He needed to sit down, so his dad went to get the car while Sebastian waited for him on the benches.

He just sat there, staring at his phone, mindlessly going through his emails and text messages. Trent and Nick had called him again last week, probably because school started long ago and they realized he was definitely not coming back. No matter how many times they'd tried, Sebastian never picked up the phone or texted them back. He just didn't know what to say.

His parents had pulled him out of school without giving a proper explanation to the headmaster and teachers, as per Sebastian's request. He just didn't want people talking about him, about his disease, and about the probability of his imminent death. No, he definitely didn't want any of that.

His parents had agreed to pay for a tutor and home-school him for the rest of the year, but that was obviously not going to happen. Not with all the time he had to spend in the hospital and feeling like crap. He didn't even care about his senior year anymore. Getting into college paled in comparison to actually surviving cancer. It was all he could think about, and all he could muster any energy for.

From the corner of his eye he noticed someone walking nearby, when he turned and looked up he instantly wished he hadn't. Of all the people he could possibly run into, it had to be Kurt Hummel.

"Kurt?"

"Sebastian, hi."

By the look on his face, Sebastian knew Kurt was probably regretting this just as much. But once Kurt sat down next to him and attempted to start a conversation Sebastian felt a little bit more at ease. He tried his best to be polite, after all, he was feeling so drained that he couldn't have been hostile to Kurt even if he wanted.

He felt sympathetic towards him when Kurt said his father had prostate cancer, though he couldn't understand why Kurt was telling him these things. He just hoped Kurt didn't ask him too many questions. He was feeling a little bit dizzy and tired from the 4 hours he had to sit through chemo, and he was sure his brain was not sharp enough to make things up on the spot.

Luckily their exchange was short lived once Kurt's father called, and after saying awkward goodbyes, he was left alone again. His dad appeared right then when Kurt was no longer in sight. _Small mercies, _Sebastian thought to himself as his dad helped him get into the car.

It was a long drive to get back home, and Sebastian wanted to lie down. He took off his cap and was disgusted at how much hair just came off along with it. He'd been postponing this for too long, but he knew it was inevitable.

"How are you feeling?" His dad asked carefully as Sebastian lowered the window so he could get rid of the hair he shed.

"I'm okay... A little tired, just going to lie down for a while." He said as he pushed down the seat into a more horizontal position.

"If you need me to pull over just say the word."

Sebastian just nodded as he closed his eyes and tried to relax. It was quiet for a few minutes until Sebastian spoke up again.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Would you help me shave my head when we get home?"

"Of course son."

Sebastian still had his eyes closed, so he missed the way his father looked sadly at him, trying to keep his tears at bay as he turned and focused on the road again.

.

The next few days passed in a haze, and even though Sebastian had slowly learned to expect it, that still wouldn't make it any easier. He'd barely leave his room, spending his days in bed, staring blankly at the wall, crying quietly and feeling miserable. It felt like his body was melting from the inside out, and Sebastian was torn between wanting to hold on to his life and beating the cancer, to just wanting to die so he could stop feeling so awful.

Even when he was starting to feel better, by day 5 or 6 after the chemo, he still wouldn't want to leave his room. He'd spend hours staring mindlessly at the TV, not really paying attention. His phone would lay forgotten in a drawer, battery dead from days of not using it.

His mom would come into his room constantly, bringing him food and encouraging him to call his friends, to open up, but Sebastian didn't want to.

"I just worry about you honey."

"It's fine mom, besides…" he coughed, "If people start coming around, I might get sick, the doctor said so!"

She squinted her eyes and gave him a knowing look. She knew he was using that as an excuse.

"That was when you were in the hospital, but now you're here, and you are allowed to have visitors as long as they're not sick. Maybe you should tell just a few-"

"Mom, no."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

He gave her a stern look. They'd had this conversation many times before.

"Catherine recommended a therapist…" His mom said, slowly sitting in the edge of his bed "She sent me an email with her information. I called her and she said we could go and-"

"Oh my god mom!" Sebastian said laughing, albeit exasperated, "I don't need therapy, it's fine…" He dropped his head back on his pillow, rolling his eyes at her, but his mom just put her hand over his own and squeezed it.

"Bastian, it's not good for you to be so alone. Could you please just give it a try, just once?"

He just looked at her and smiled, shaking his head. She was so stubborn, but Sebastian didn't want a therapist, he just wanted to be left alone.

"I'll think about it."

"Okay." She smiled before leaning over to kiss him on the forehead and leaving the room.

He wasn't going to think about it, he knew what he was doing. Once she was gone, Sebastian hastily turned on his phone to check his emails, deleting everything he didn't care for, until a message caught his attention:

**"Kurt Hummel wants to be friends on Facebook."**

Sebastian just sighed in disbelief.

It's not that he hated Kurt, not at all. Looking back, Sebastian realized the only reason he'd grown to dislike him so much was because of their stupid little rivalry over Blaine. But that was no longer an issue; Sebastian had gotten over that. It was more than obvious that Blaine had no interest in him and Sebastian wasn't one to pin after a guy like a love struck fool. Quite frankly, right now he didn't even remember why he used to like Blaine that much.

Sebastian knew he only had a few more days before he'd have to go down to the hospital again, and the thought of starting the painful cycle all over again made him want to scream. So he turned off his phone and closed his eyes, hoping to get some rest.

Sebastian didn't really want to befriend Kurt on Facebook, but he _couldn't,_ even if he wanted to. Not when he had been avoiding giving any signs of activity online. He'd been ignoring posts on his timeline and messages sent by the guys from Dalton. Only occasionally signing in to lurk around, but not wanting to post anything.

He had all but threatened his sister so she wouldn't post anything related to his situation anywhere. He didn't want people finding out. He knew perhaps it was just a matter of time, because gossip spread as easy as wildfire, but he wanted to delay it a much as possible. Maybe he could get away with no one but his family knowing about it.

It had worked fine so far, and it had been more than a month since he was diagnosed, and Sebastian hoped it would stay that way.

When they went down to the hospital again, Sebastian wasn't feeling quite as recovered as the previous times. Not that he expected it to be any different, but he wished he could stop feeling so damn tired and frail. He'd lost a bit of weight; it was hard to keep enough food down with the constant nausea, no matter how hungry he was.

And if he thought he was feeling bad enough, it only got worse by the time he was out of the clinic. He could hear the commotion among the nurses and some of the other patients. One of the kids died. Sebastian remembered him, his name was Joshua, and he was 11 or 12 years old at the most, he couldn't remember exactly. But he'd seen him around the ward quite often.

To know that the kid hadn't survived was just utterly depressing for Sebastian, and judging by the look on his mother's face once he met back with her at the waiting room, she was affected by the news just as much. She didn't say anything though; she just hugged him tightly as they walked towards the parking lot.

Sebastian wondered if he really had a chance of making it, or if it was just a matter of time until he died, just like little Joshua. He kept his thoughts to himself, putting up his nonchalant and positive exterior as he always did, to avoid worrying his mom even further.

Once they were in the car and already heading back home, they started talking.

"Did you get to finish your book?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh... Almost, I'm not done yet."

"Thought you would have finished today, you only had a few pages left."

"Yeah well, with all the commotion in the waiting room it was a little difficult to concentrate on reading."

Sebastian just nodded; he didn't really want to talk about that. So after a few seconds of awkward silence his mother continued: "I met someone at the waiting room today though, it was nice to have a bit of company. It was a boy about your age, _and very handsome,_ by the way."

"Really?" Sebastian said, not able to hide his smile. His mom was always making comments like that to him. She was really supportive of his sexuality even though Sebastian had never brought anyone home to meet them.

"Yes..." She continued, smiling too, "He was there with his father, very pleasant man. First time I've seen them there, but I'll never forget their names, Burt and Kurt." She said, giggling like it was the funniest thing ever.

Sebastian's eyes went wide at the sound of those names.

"Hummel?" Sebastian asked anxiously.

"Yes, actually. Do you know them? I just thought it was kind of funny how they names rhymed."

Sebastian was at a loss; he didn't know what to say. Knowing his mom, she must have been babbling about him and probably talking about his situation with Kurt. How much had she told him? This could not be good at all.

He took a deep breath, he didn't want to lash out on his mom, not right now when he felt bad enough and this stress was doing nothing to help.

"Something like that... Kurt used to go to Dalton, but he transferred out."

"Oh really?" His mom continued, clearly missing the way Sebastian was slowly shrinking into himself.

He pulled out his phone and logged into Facebook, he tried to message Kurt but realized he only accepted messages from friends. So he hastily went back and accepted the friend request he'd previously ignored, just so he could type in a quick line.

**To Kurt Hummel:**

**We need to talk.**

He then just pushed the seat backwards to lie down, trying to ease out his breathing and calm down a little. Just the thought of Kurt babbling up to Blaine or anyone else about him having cancer made him weak with dread. This just couldn't happen; he wouldn't allow it.

He needed to talk to Kurt and stop him before he told anyone. Maybe he could still do some damage control once he got home. Or a least that's what he hoped.

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ Thank you so much for your kind reviews and subscribing to this story. Next chapter, Kurt and Sebastian will finally talk… so stay tuned._


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt sat in front of his computer screen thinking about what to do. Sebastian had sent him that message 4 hours ago, and he wasn't online anymore.

Well, at least he wanted to talk... kind of. Kurt figured Sebastian's mother must have mentioned meeting him and that's why Sebastian wanted to talk to him now after he had previously just ignored him, but he couldn't know for sure. It could be anything, really.

After thinking about it for a little too long, Kurt realized Sebastian could have messaged him to tell him off or worse, but instead he'd said he wanted to talk. So after spending a ridiculous amount of time typing and erasing possible responses he finally replied.

**To Sebastian Smythe:**

**Sure... message me any time :)**

He'd been insecure about adding the smiley face at the end, but figured since Sebastian's message did sound a little too direct, it wouldn't hurt to make his response a bit friendlier.

Hours passed and no response came from Sebastian's part. Kurt made sure his phone notifications were enabled before going to bed. But when he woke up the next day he still didn't have anything.

It wasn't until later, when it was almost lunchtime that his phone buzzed with a new message from Sebastian.

**Sebastian:** Are you there?

**Kurt:** Yes. Hi.

**Sebastian**: I need to talk to you.

**Kurt:** Okay...about what?

**Sebastian:** You know about what.

Kurt just stared at his phone and frowned. He surely didn't expect this. Though he really didn't know exactly _what_ he expected from Sebastian at this point.

**Sebastian:** Have you told anyone?

**Kurt:** No.

**Sebastian:** Be honest.

**Kurt:** I am being honest.

**Sebastian:** Don't tell ANYONE.

Kurt frowned, looking down at his phone, feeling like a chastised child. Sebastian was just so weird, and Kurt was trying real hard not to snap and just tell him to calm down and what his problem was, but then another message came through.

**Sebastian:** Please...

And well, that kind of changed things a little. So he just sighed and replied.

**Kurt:** okay.

**Sebastian:** Give me your word.

Kurt looked around him, as if checking that no one could watch what he was typing down on his phone, which was ridiculous. He was sitting in the living room, watching a movie with his dad, who had dozed off a while ago.

**Kurt:** Fine, you have my word.

Sebastian didn't say anything else...

**Kurt:** is that all?

He waited for a few seconds, then minutes, and hours... but Sebastian didn't message him further. Kurt was indignant that Sebastian had just dropped their conversation without even saying 'thanks' or at least 'goodbye' or well, _anything at all_. But more than that, he hated the small tingling of concern that still lingered inside him, refusing to just let this go. They weren't friends, they barely knew each other, but somehow Kurt found himself thinking about Sebastian an awful lot.

Sebastian -irritating and insufferable brat- Smythe, who he'd grown to dislike so much ever since they met, but who was now battling a terrible illness and apparently isolating himself from his friends in the process.

Kurt didn't understand why Sebastian wanted to keep this a secret. Why he would want to push away people who cared about him? But then again, he wasn't the one who had leukemia. He couldn't know what Sebastian was going through or what he was feeling.

And to be honest, Kurt couldn't deny that he _had_ just been dying to be able to talk about this with someone. He'd been tempted to tell Rachel about his suspicions from the first moment he saw Sebastian and felt like he couldn't help it any longer yesterday after meeting Sebastian's mom in the waiting room, but Sebastian's message had frozen him on the spot. Now he had given him his word, and he intended to keep it.

.

Next morning, Kurt and Burt went down to the hospital again. Kurt was used to the routine by now, but he still didn't quite manage to be able to stay put during his time on the waiting room. If he didn't take something to read with him, he'd get up several times and either go to the cafeteria or walk mindlessly around the place trying to distract himself.

Today was one of those days, Kurt was feeling a bit ansty and so he decided to get up. As he walked towards down the hallway, he bumped into Sebastian's mother.

"Oh Kurt, good morning, hi..."

"Mrs. Smythe, hi..." Kurt said, feeling a little flustered, "Um... How have you been?"

Kurt noticed she was holding a duffel bag and a blanket, and once she saw him staring down at it she quickly said.

"I was just... My husband stopped by and I..." She was clearly at a loss for words. She looked like she hadn't slept, she wasn't wearing any make up and her hair was up in a messy pony tail. A huge difference from the previous time he saw her.

"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked, cautiously... "Is Sebastian okay?"

Her eyes lit up at Kurt's mention of Sebastian.

"You know..." She said tentatively.

"I... Well, I didn't but, your last name is not very common and well..." Kurt could feel his face practically burning as he tried to explain, "I kind of talked to Sebastian yesterday and-"

"You talked to him?" She said, smiling hopeful.

Kurt gave her a questioning look and she just smiled wider, clearly surprised.

"I saw him typing on the phone and I wondered if he was texting anybody... Was it you?"

"Oh... We only texted for a little while." _And then he decided to ignore me - _his mind quickly added.

She gave him a tight smile and her eyes filled with tears, but she breathed in deeply, trying to hold it together. "We had to hospitalize him again last night..." She reached up to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand and dropped the blanket she was holding.

Kurt quickly reached down to pick it up and offered to help her carry her things. She thanked him and let Kurt take the duffel bag and blanket as she held on to her purse. She led the way as they walked slowly down the hall and towards the elevators.

The hospital was really big, it was bigger than any other Kurt had ever been at back in Lima, so when Mrs. Smythe pressed the button for the 11th floor, Kurt knew the ride was going to take a little while. He didn't know what to do, surely Sebastian wouldn't want to see him, specially not under these circumstances. But how could he possibly explain that to Sebastian's mother? He could feel himself slightly panicking as they got off the elevator and Mrs. Smythe walked up to the door of what was most certainly Sebastian's room.

He stopped midway before getting any closer, and she must have picked up on his hesitations cause she turned and gave him a questioning look.

"What's wrong?"

"I um... I don't think I should-" Kurt started to say, but stopped himself once Mrs. Smythe pressed her finger up to her lips, gesturing for him to be quiet. She slowly turned the doorknob, gently pushing the door open to glance into the room.

"He's still asleep. Come in." She whispered, walking inside and leaving Kurt in the hallway, gaping and anxious.

There was no avoiding this, Kurt had to walk in there, drop her things quickly and hopefully he could get the hell out before Sebastian noticed his presence. So he just braced himself and walked quietly into the room.

The curtains were closed so the room was a little dark. Kurt walked straight to the corner table to put down the bag and tried not to look to the left where the bed was. It was ridiculous, but he was so nervous that he feared that even just turning to look his way could wake Sebastian up. From the corner of his eye he could see him sleeping, but he didn't want to stare.

Mrs. Smythe turned on the light from the bedside and the room immediately lit up, albeit mildly. She whispered 'thank you' as Kurt left her things over the table, which was right by the window.

When he turned around, Kurt couldn't help but feel a painful jab inside his chest at the image of Sebastian lying in that hospital bed, face gaunt, head bald and way too many tubes attached to him. It was just unreal, Kurt felt like he was looking at someone else. This felt like a dream, a nightmare Kurt wanted to wake up from. He didn't realize he was staring until he felt Sebastian's mom stand next to him and put her hand gently in his back, gesturing for them to walk back outside.

"He's just been through a lot lately..." She started saying once they were in the hallway again.

Kurt felt at a loss of what to say, because what could he possibly say to comfort her? "What did the doctor say?" he asked, figuring listening to her was a safer choice.

"Well, he's dehydrated, among other things... he just hasn't been able to eat much, or even drink lately. And well, his blood levels are down again. He collapsed last night and we rushed him to the E.R. I was terrified." She said, not able to hold a tear that fell down her cheek. "The doctor said that he needs to stay hospitalized for now, to be safe."

"So, will he have to stay for long?"

"We still don't know."

Kurt bit his lower lip, uncertain of how to feel about all this. He put his hand softly on her shoulder and smiled "Sebastian is strong, and stubborn... I'm sure he'll make it through."

All uncertainty about his words being appropriate or not vanished as soon as Kurt saw Mrs. Smythe smile through her tears.

"Thank you, Kurt."

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" He said, tentatively. "My dad is going to be done any minute and 'll have to go but, if you need anything I-"

"You could come back." She said suddenly.

"Come back?"

"To visit him."

"Oh..." Kurt really didn't know how to explain to her that he was probably the last person on earth Sebastian wanted to see while he was hospitalized.

Mrs. Smythe gave him an understanding smile, probably figuring that's what he was thinking. "We've only told a few members of our family. Sebastian doesn't want anyone else to know, and since we had to pull him out of school, he's been so lonely, I just... I worry about him isolating himself. Please promise me you'll come to visit him."

Her eyes were pleading and Kurt just couldn't say no.

"Of course..." He said, smiling shyly. "I will."

"Thank you." She said; giving him a tight hug and Kurt felt his heart ache for this woman.

Kurt said goodbye to her so he could go back to the waiting room. Once he was alone in the elevator, his mind started reeling, wondering what the hell he was going to do now. When he got back to the waiting room, his dad was nowhere in sight. He checked the time and realized his dad probably still had five or ten minutes before he was done.

So he sat down, grabbed his phone and noticed his last 2 Facebook messages for Sebastian still appeared as 'unread'. He now understood why that was and felt a little bad for thinking Sebastian was ignoring him.

Kurt was at a loss of what to do, but as he sat there by himself he got an idea and made up his mind. He was definitely going to visit Sebastian, after all, Kurt Hummel was a man of his word and he was going to find a way to keep it no matter what.

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ I just want to say THANK YOU for all the reviews and alerts, I appreciate every comment like you have no idea. Just wow, thank you, really. You inspire me to write more : )_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's note:**_ _Text in italics represents a flashback._

* * *

_"Do you want to try again honey?"_

_"No."_

_He felt his mother's warm hand against his face, her fingers slowly caressing his cheek._

_"You're cold."_

_He sighed,_ _"I'm okay mom."_

_"Are you sure you don't want to eat?"_

_He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the sting in his stomach, the growling pains, screaming for food. He was hungry, starving, and yet he couldn't eat. Not when everything he tried to swallow came back before even making it all the way down. Not when every time he heaved he felt like his Port-a-Cath was going to come off, ripping through his skin and veins._

_"I can't... Maybe later."_

_He tried to smile, and hoped it looked genuine. Maybe the trembling he felt all over his body wasn't noticeable, maybe he could pretend for a little longer until his mom went back downstairs. Then he could cry, and scream into his pillow, and curse his existence and what it had become._

_He just wished it all would stop. But right then with his mother kneeling by his bedside, he couldn't allow his weakness to show. He couldn't allow his mom to see how he was really feeling. He needed to be strong, to hold on. He didn't want to go back to the hospital, not again._

_After every chemotherapy session he felt worse than the one before, and Sebastian had long ago given up on hoping it would get any better. He knew he just had to wait, and eventually the pain would go away. Just a few more days and maybe he would be able to eat again, sleep again, and smile again._

_Sebastian didn't know exactly how it happened, just that he was holding his phone, looking at Kurt's last message and trying not to panic. He wanted to believe that Kurt wouldn't tell anyone, but part of him knew he must have already told Blaine. Which meant soon enough The Warblers would know, and then all of the Dalton student body would find out._

_It was going to be such a fucking mess._

_A while later, his mom started talking about the therapist again... he tuned her out every time she brought it up. He didn't want to talk to anybody. He wasn't crazy, he just had cancer, and he didn't really want to talk about it, he just wanted to be left alone._

_He'd fallen asleep with his phone clutched tightly in his hand, and woke up hours later when the next wave of nausea kicked in._

_He'd tried to get up to get to the toilet but then everything went dark. Next thing he felt was cold sweat dampening his clothes and his whole body shaking. He could hear his mother talking in distress and his father must have been the one carrying him. He was barely awake and felt his body heavy and limp. He felt the cold of the wind against his socked feet, then darkness again. Faintly he remembered the touch of his mother's hands on his scalp as he lay on his side in the backseat of the car. Then bright lights from the hospital and strange voices before everything went dark again._

When he opened his eyes again it was early morning, though it was still a little dark. He turned his head to the right and noticed his mom sleeping on the couch in what looked like a really uncomfortable position. Sebastian felt something twist inside him. He hated that he had to be rushed back here; he hated making his mom worry. He just closed his eyes again and sighed, feeling defeated.

A couple of minutes later he could hear people coming into the room and talking to his mom, he wondered if he could feign sleep, until he heard the doctor speaking to his mom.

"We're going to have to wake him up, he needs to be conscious for this."

_Shit._

Sebastian slowly turned around and smiled painfully, knowing whatever was going to happen would definitely not be pretty, and indeed it wasn't.

"Chin up."

_He breathed in._

"It's going to feel a little weird, but just try to relax, alright?"

_Well, he could try._

"Now down... Just a little more... that's it."

_It burned._

"You're doing great Sebastian, just a little bit more..."

_He felt like he was going to vomit._

"Okay, now drink..."

_He felt the tip of a straw against his lips and started sipping._

"Swallow slowly."

_Like he could rush this even if he wanted to._

"We're almost there, almost there... swallow, swallow. That's it... You did really great!"

And so the feeding tube was finally in place. It hadn't been too painful as he thought, just awfully uncomfortable. Sebastian could feel it in the back of his throat, and it tickled a little from where it came out of his nostril and laid across his face to where it was attached behind his ear. He slowly lay back into a more horizontal position and closed his eyes again.

"It will only be for a couple of days, so hang in there." The doctor said.

Sebastian didn't say anything though, he just nodded, eyes still closed while his mom talked to the doctor about drugs and steroids and protein and blood counts. He just tuned them out, turned his head to the side and tried to go back to sleep. At least the trembling from last night was gone. He wondered how long that was going to last, specially when the nurse connected his tube to feed him. He felt his stomach slowly filling and the nausea threatening to come back, but he managed to keep it at bay.

He was exhausted, and he just really needed to sleep, maybe that way he could ignore the uncomfortable feeling of the tube, and so he did.

Sebastian wasn't sure how long he was asleep, but when he woke up he could hear his mom talking to someone, even though he could barely make up what she was saying because she was whispering.

_"I don't know what I'm going to do... No, I can't postpone them again."_

She must have been talking about her patients. She'd been neglecting her work to stay with him at home.

_"No, he still doesn't want to see Dr. Mitchell... I hope so, a friend of his said he would come visit, I just hope Bastian lets him."_

_Friend?_ What friend? That definitely caught Sebastian's attention; he shifted in the bed and figured his mom must have been speaking to his sister 'cause she quickly said she'd call back once she realized Sebastian was awake.

"Hey honey..."

"Hi mom."

"How are you feeling?"

He just shrugged, smiling tightly and stretching his right arm a bit. He didn't want to even try to move the left one cause it hurt too much, probably from how he'd fallen on it last night when he fainted.

"What time is it?"

"Two thirty."

"Oh."

"You slept almost eight hours."

He didn't feel like he'd slept that long. In fact he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep again.

"Do you have to go to work?"

She gave him an apologetic look and Sebastian just smiled. "Mom it's fine, you should go. Your patients' teeth are going to fall out if you keep ignoring them."

She smiled at that, "I just don't want to leave you alone here."

"I'll be fine."

They just sat in silence for a few moments, then his mom finally got up and started collecting her things to leave. She looked like it physically pained her to have to leave him, but Sebastian knew she had to do it. She came over to his bedside and leaned down to kiss him on the cheek.

"Your dad said he can't come over tonight, but he will try to come tomorrow."

"It's okay mom."

She put her purse over the bed and looked at him, Sebastian could see the hesitation in her eyes as she spoke: "Kurt was here earlier."

"Kurt?"

"Yes, I ran into him downstairs and he helped me carry your things back here. He said he'd come again, to visit." She said, studying him for a reaction.

Sebastian noticed and just gave her a tight smile, "_Okay._ Did he say when?"

"Oh... I'm not sure. I didn't ask."

For once, Sebastian wished she had, but he didn't say anything. He didn't really think Kurt was going to show up anyway. He probably just said he would to be polite, or at least that's what he hoped.

Just the thought of anyone seeing him like this made him want to cry.

Once his mom left, Sebastian found himself alone again. Visitor hours were short and he didn't really have much people visiting anyway. The first time he was hospitalized he received a couple of family visits, even though they couldn't come into his room much because his immune system was pretty much non-existent. His mom had tried to be around as much as she could but she had to work and so did his dad.

This time though, he didn't think anyone would be visiting, and it was probably for the best. He wanted to be alone. Not because it made him feel better, but because he didn't want to feel worse. There was only one thing worse than being ill, and that was being pitied.

Loneliness used to be such a foreign concept for Sebastian, but now he had gotten used to it, and had even learned to appreciate it. He was used to being around people all the time. He was popular, people wanted to be around him. He didn't really know _why,_ as he wasn't the nicest guy to be around. But he didn't really care; he'd never given it much thought, because it had never mattered, until now.

He was in a position of vulnerability that scared him. He wasn't sure how people around him would react; if they'd be genuinely supportive or just pretend to care out of sympathy, or if they just wouldn't care at all.

Truth is, he didn't want to find out. It was better to push people away than to reach out and have no one come. He knew that it was silly to think like that, to a point, but life didn't make much sense either so why should he?

Nothing made sense anymore. Sebastian felt as if he was lost in a haze, alternating between dreams and reality, between just staring at the wall and falling asleep. Only ever moving when the nurses came to change his IV or to feed him through the tube.

"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked.

"Tired, but okay."

"Any pain? Nausea?"

"Not much."

The nurse checked the container on Sebastian's bedside, it was empty, "A little nausea is expected, but you haven't vomited, which is really good. It means the adjustments we made to your medication are working. Dr. Meyers will come to check on you tomorrow morning, if you need anything just ring the bell."

He just nodded as the nurse smiled and exited the room. As uncomfortable as the damn tube was, Sebastian was glad to not have to stress over being able to eat anymore. The nausea was receding and he hoped it would be gone soon.

He spent most of the day sleeping, and when he opened his eyes it was nighttime. He only stayed awake for a little before dozing off again. The lines between day and night were blurred and when he opened his eyes he found it was morning. He didn't feel like getting up, or showering, but he did it anyway.

He hated that the nurses had to help him do everything, but it was a hassle trying to take a bath with his Port-a-Cath on. The skin around the port was bruised and Sebastian wondered how big the scar was going to be once it was finally taken out.

He would just have to wait and see, same as with everything else. He was stuck, unable to do anything but wait to feel better... waiting for the time to pass quickly.

His mom called, saying his dad would try to make it down for the afternoon visit, but he wasn't counting on it. He didn't notice if he came or not anyway, because he fell asleep and he didn't wake up until it was morning and the nurse was coming in to feed him again.

Something caught his attention right then. There was a small floral arrangement in the table on the corner. He couldn't tell who it was from, and he wasn't curious enough to want to get up and check it out. No, he would rather just stay in bed and sleep some more. That sounded like a better plan.

Sebastian was actually starting to feel better, he wasn't nauseous, dizzy, or in pain. But still, he just wanted to sleep.

Once the nurse left, Sebastian reached out to his bedside to make sure his phone was in vibrating mode before putting the bed back down but right then someone knocked on his door.

Nurses didn't knock.

For a minute Sebastian thought he must have imagined it, but then the door opened slowly, and he felt a nervous blush spread up his neck and through his face as a familiar face with perfectly coiffed brown hair and bright blue eyes peeked from behind the door.

"Can I come in?"

Sebastian just gaped, suddenly feeling awfully self-conscious, realizing he wasn't wearing anything on his head... _great._

"Um... S-sure."

Kurt walked into the room, tight smile on his face and a weird light blue bag strapped over his shoulder. He stood by the side of Sebastian's bed, awkwardly fidgeting though clearly trying to hide it with a smile.

"Hi."

"Hey."

They stared at each other for a few more seconds, and things were getting from awkward to uncomfortable so Sebastian decided he needed to do something about it.

"There's a chair in the corner... you can uh... sit, if you want."

"Oh, thanks." Kurt said as he turned to grab the chair, and Sebastian noticed he was blushing a bit, which made him feel a little better about being nervous himself.

"So... you're here."

"I am."

The moment was beginning to feel a bit awkward. Sebastian looked at Kurt and laughed a little, his head shook as he looked at him.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just... My mom said you'd come, but I didn't think you'd _actually_ do it." Sebastian didn't mean to be rude; he was just genuinely surprised.

"Yeah well, I promised her I'd come..."

"Is that the only reason you're here?"

Kurt looked at him and squinted his eyes, "That's a trick question, isn't it?"

"No."

"Sure it's not."

Sebastian gave him a once over before speaking again, "So, Kurt Hummel is a man of his word huh?"

"Of course I am."

"Am I to believe you _really_ haven't told anyone about... this?"

Kurt sighed. "I _told you_ that I-"

"Come on Kurt..."

"What?"

Sebastian gave him a skeptical look. "You really expect me to believe you haven't even told Blaine?"

Kurt looked puzzled, clearly annoyed by Sebastian's accusations.

"I don't _expect you_ to do anything. I haven't told anyone, and that's the truth, whether you want to believe me or not."

Kurt crossed his arms and looked to the window. Sebastian looked at him, not saying anything, just thinking. The silence between them stretched a bit too long, until Sebastian decided to speak again.

"Okay, I believe you."

That made Kurt turn back to look at him.

"Good."

Sebastian's phone started buzzing right at that moment. He turned to stare at it, hesitating before reaching over to the bedside table to grab it. It was his mom.

"Hi mom."

_"Hello honey, how are you? How are you feeling?"_

He sighed, "I'm okay..."

_"Did you eat breakfast?"_

Sebastian smiled painfully, he did have breakfast, he just didn't exactly _'eat it'_.

"Yes."

_"That's great honey. Your dad was there yesterday, he said he went over with your aunt Helen, but that you were asleep."_

So _that's_ where the flower arrangement came from_._ Sebastian glared at it as his mom kept talking, not really paying attention anymore as she went on and on about his aunt and how she said she would visit again sometime.

Kurt noticed Sebastian's glare and followed his line of sight towards the small corner table, but didn't say anything. Sebastian wanted nothing more than to get rid of the damn thing and what it represented, in fact, he wondered if he could find something to burn it with. Maybe Kurt could make himself useful and help him get something.

"Mom... I have to go."

_"What? Why honey? Is everything okay?"_

"Yeah, it's just... Kurt's here, but he's leaving so I should um-"

_"He is?"_ Sebastian could hear the smile through her voice_, "Oh Bastian that's so great, I'll go then, you go ahead and talk to Kurt, tell him I said hi."_

"I will, okay... Bye mom."

He hung up and took a deep breath. Kurt must have noticed his change in demeanor.

"So, should I be on my way out or did you say that just to have an excuse to end the call?"

Had he really been that obvious? Sebastian stared at him and huffed, "Well, my mom's just... _too much_ sometimes, but- " he stumbled over his own words, not really knowing how to explain.

"You know that's her job right? Worrying about you." Kurt said, smiling.

"Yeah, it's not that, it's..."

"What?"

Sebastian sighed. He didn't really want to talk about his family issues with Kurt, but at the same time he was so frustrated and upset that he couldn't hold it in.

"You see that thing over there?" Sebastian pointed at the flowers in the corner table, "Those are from my dear aunt Helen, who hasn't spoken to me since she found out I'm gay."

Kurt just raised his eyebrows.

"That was almost 1 year ago. She lives in Westerville too, but somehow she is too busy to ever come over to our house anymore. My cousin Alex, we used to hang out a lot, but all of the sudden he was always conveniently busy with something and couldn't see me anymore." He let out a self-deprecating laugh, "The best part is he still has a lot of time for church activities and stuff. So he can't hang out with me, unless I want go to church with him, which I don't. He keeps making this lame excuses every time I talked to him, saying his mom just wants him to focus on his studies, which is bullshit. I'm sure that just means his mom doesn't want him to be around me... But now that I have cancer, all of the sudden she cares about me again?"

Kurt said nothing, just pressed his lips in a tight line while Sebastian ranted.

"Look Kurt, I just don't want you to feel like you _have to_ be here just because of my mom, or because I'm sick. You don't have to feel sorry for me. I'm fine, really."

Kurt gave him a pained smile, "Listen, I'll admit I was insecure about coming, but mostly 'cause I was worried that you'd kick me out as soon as I walked through the door. Not because I didn't care."

"But why _would you_ care? I've treated you like crap, almost blinded your boyfriend... you should hate me." Sebastian hated the way his voice cracked a little at the end; he was just so upset. He didn't want people's pity, he didn't want to be in this position, he hated it.

"Well, believe it or not it takes a lot more than that for me to actually hate someone."

Sebastian huffed, "Yeah, especially when they're dying right?"

"Don't say that..." Kurt quickly said, frowning, "You're _not_ dying!"

"You don't know that."

"Well neither do you... Right?"

Kurt's words stung, 'cause they were true. Sebastian _didn't_ know, and that's part of what was so excruciating about this whole thing. He couldn't know. Both boys just stayed silent for a couple of seconds that stretched a bit too long and felt like an eternity.

"Well, I'll either get better or I'll die. But you don't have to be here just because the latter is more likely to happen."

Kurt sighed, exasperated with Sebastian's stubbornness.

"Look Sebastian, I'm here because I _want_ to." His voice was firm and his eyes piercing as he spoke, "And I _know_ we're not friends, and that I can't tell you what to do because I don't know what you're going through, but... I really don't think you should be alone."

Kurt's words seemed genuine and that made Sebastian feel a mixture of things all at once. He breathed in and bit the inside of his lip, hoping Kurt wouldn't notice, a painful knot formed in his throat and his eyes stung. He didn't even know if it was more from the frustration that Kurt was the one telling him these things or the anger of being in this position but he felt like he was going to explode.

He could tell his emotions were slipping through the strong facade he was trying to put up when he saw Kurt's firm expression melt into concern and he just couldn't take it anymore.

"You don't know… _anything_, Kurt." Sebastian said, voice almost a whisper.

Kurt sighed heavily and shook his head, getting up from the chair. Sebastian guessed he must have finally irked him enough to make him leave. But in that moment the door opened and Dr. Meyers came into the room, followed by a nurse. Kurt seemed startled and just stepped aside as they started checking Sebastian's vitals.

"Good morning Sebastian, how are you feeling today?"

"Uh... I'm okay."

"Better than yesterday?"

He smiled, "Yes, much better."

The doctor checked Sebastian's file while the nurse worked around him. Sebastian was so used to this procedures by now that he just stared at the doctor expectantly while the nurse did her job, hoping to get some good news about his condition.

"Any nausea today? Headaches?"

"I had a headache earlier, but it went away after I uh... _ate_."

"Have you been nauseous?"

"No, not today."

The doctor nodded as he wrote down a few things on Sebastian's file. "Well, it seems like you're doing better, but we'll still need the tube for today. If you continue to be stable tonight perhaps we can take it out in the morning."

"Does that mean I'll be able to eat normal food again?" Sebastian asked, hopeful.

"Well... we have to start you on a liquid diet first and work from there. We need you to be strong and recovered before your next chemotherapy session."

Sebastian just breathed in and nodded, feeling a mixture of relief, disappointment and dread.

He was just so desperate to have the damn thing taken out that he completely forgot about Kurt. When he turned to look at him, Kurt seemed to be frozen on the spot, hands clutching his bag strap tightly and his cheeks flushed a light pink.

Suddenly Sebastian felt uneasy, realizing what Kurt just witnessed. He quickly regained his composure as the doctor turned to leave the room. The nurse stayed behind for a couple of minutes while she took a blood sample. After she left, Sebastian and Kurt stayed for a couple of seconds in silence.

Sebastian was sure Kurt was about to just walk out on him right before the doctor and nurse came into the room, and the awkwardness from the moment that was interrupted was slowly creeping back in.

"So, that just happened." Sebastian said, feigning nonchalance.

Kurt just smiled and walked back to where the chair was but he didn't sit down again. Instead he just put his bag there and zipped it open. Sebastian stared in silence as Kurt took out a small plastic bag.

"I brought you something." Kurt said pulling a present out of it and giving it to him. Sebastian could tell it was a book.

He raised an eyebrow, "Please don't tell me this some kind of self-help book... Cause I don't-"

"Just open it."

Sebastian rolled his eyes and slowly tore the paper wrapping, revealing a small black book. He stared at it, frowning as he read the title: "Wreck it Journal?"

"It comes with this..." Kurt said, pulling a plastic supply box out of his bag and putting it on the bed, right beside Sebastian's legs.

Sebastian was at a loss. "Crayons? What am I, a child?"

"Well, you certainly act like one sometimes..." Kurt said, teasingly.

"So you brought me a coloring book."

"No, it's a journal, of sorts... it will help you pass the time and stimulate your creativity." Kurt said, smiling proudly.

"You're serious."

"Yes, _I am_. Give it a try. It's not like you have much to do here anyways."

Sebastian glared at him, but Kurt just smiled obnoxiously as he put his bag over his shoulder again.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah... My dad will be done any minute now, so... I have to go."

"Oh... okay."

Sebastian didn't even know why he asked Kurt if he was leaving, or why he felt slightly disappointed at the fact, but he just was. Sebastian wondered what would be the 'appropriate' thing to do now. Should he thank him for coming? Should he ask him if he was coming again? Would it be lame? He felt so awkward and uncertain and it must have been written all over his face.

"So..." Kurt said, a little hesitant, "It was nice seeing you... um. I hope you give the book a chance, and tell me what you think."

"So, you're coming back." Sebastian said before he could stop himself. It was more of a statement than a question, but he phrased it tentatively, waiting for Kurt's response.

"Well, I have to come here every 2 days with my dad so, I could use some distraction while I wait."

Sebastian didn't know what to say. He just stared at Kurt.

"Unless... you don't want me to." Kurt added.

"No, it's... it's fine, I guess." Sebastian said, nodding as Kurt smiled and turned to walk out of the room.

"I guess I'll see you around then!" Kurt said, shutting the door behind him, leaving Sebastian in the bed, holding the journal in his hands and feeling completely puzzled about what just happened.

He looked down at the journal for a while before slowly opening it; realizing maybe it wouldn't hurt to look a bit past the cover.

_Maybe it could be worth it._

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ So… they FINALLY spoke face to face! What did you guys think? Let me know :) Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. _

_And also a BIG thank you to my friend Larinia713 because she is awesome and has helped me a lot with advice about everything and specially the medical things for accuracy. I love you Lari._


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt didn't know what he expected going into Sebastian's hospital room, and if anyone asked him how did it go, he wouldn't really know what to say. He didn't presume Sebastian would be thrilled to see him or that he would have any heartfelt conversations with him or anything like that, but even after all the weirdness and nerves, Kurt was able to leave the room feeling strangely satisfied.

He was glad he decided to get Sebastian the journal instead of the usual or expected balloon arrangement or 'get well soon' card. Especially since it helped save the situation when it had gone beyond awkward and tense.

The look on Sebastian's face when Kurt handed him the box full of crayons, markers and other art supplies was just priceless.

"What's got you so happy today huh?" Burt asked and Kurt blushed as he realized he'd been caught smiling at his own thoughts.

"Oh, nothing... Just remembering something about a friend."

"A friend huh?" Burt said, lifting an eyebrow and grinning, "Anyone special?"

"Oh no dad, no!" Kurt laughed nervously, "It's nothing like that."

"Then who is it? Do I know him?"

His dad was looking at Kurt as he drove, and he realized he couldn't just change the subject now. But how could he explain?

"Remember Mrs. Smythe, from the waiting room?"

"Uh-huh?"

"It's her son, he's in the hospital and well... I visited him today while you were getting your radiotherapy."

"You know him?"

"Yeah, kind of, he used to go to Dalton but uh-" Kurt stopped himself before he could say something he regretted. He didn't want to lie to his dad, or hide things from him, but he didn't know how much he could say without risking Sebastian's secret.

"So you were friends?"

"No, not really but... Well we just kind of knew each other."

"He's a friend of Blaine's then?"

Kurt went stiff at his dad's mention of Blaine, and started back-pedaling immediately.

"No, he started at Dalton when Blaine had already transferred to McKinley... Uh, I just know him from the Warblers and stuff, just that..." Kurt could feel his face burning up, he needed to change the subject and quick.

"Anyway... How are you feeling, dad? Did they doctor say anything?"

"It was good, nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it will be different once we're closer to the surgery date."

Kurt's stomach dropped every time his dad mentioned the surgery. He knew it was coming, and that it was necessary, but it was also scary in a way. He just really wanted this whole thing to be over and his dad to be healthy and safe again.

"Time flies by..." Burt said as he looked out the window, "Just four more weeks and I'll be done."

_Yes._ Kurt thought to himself. _Hopefully it will be just four more weeks._

* * *

The next day, Kurt was practicing his piano when his phone buzzed with a new text message notification.

**From Blaine Anderson:**

**Hey Kurt. I was wondering if I could come over tonight. Would that be okay?**

Kurt looked down at his phone and frowned. Blaine wanted to talk? He couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about it. Even though they had been in fairly good terms since Christmas, it was still a little weird sometimes.

Kurt wondered what this could be about, so he quickly replied.

**To Blaine Anderson:**

**Sure. Is everything alright?**

A couple of minutes later, he finally got another text from Blaine.

**From Blaine Anderson:**

**Yeah, I just want to talk :) Can I come by at 7?**

**To Blaine:**

**Ok. See you then.**

Kurt was very curious as to why Blaine wanted to come over and talk. They talked on a fairly regular basis, over Skype chat, or Facebook. He wondered if there was anything important Blaine wanted to talk about, that would require them do it face to face.

He didn't want to stress about it, he had enough worries just with his dad's condition. So for the rest of the day, Kurt made himself busy tidying up his room, cleaning downstairs, organizing his Vogue collection, anything to keep his mind busy.

Suddenly his phone started ringing, and he felt his stomach do a little jump as he realized it was Blaine.

"Hello."

_"Hey Kurt, how are you?"_

"I'm... fine. Just doing stuff around the house, nothing really."

_"Great, um... can you talk?"_

"Yes?"

This was awkward. Why was it awkward?

"Are you still coming over?" Kurt asked.

_"No, actually… that's why I'm calling."_

Kurt didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed to hear that.

_"It's just, Cooper is in town and mom wants us to go out to dinner and stuff. I'm really sorry."_

"It's okay, we can talk some other time... right?" Kurt said tentatively, even though he was really curious about what Blaine wanted to talk about.

_"Yeah... I guess."_

Blaine sounded defeated, sad.

"Is something bothering you?" Kurt asked.

_"No. I mean, yes." _

There was a brief pause, and Kurt braced himself for whatever Blaine was going to say next.

_"I know you have been driving your dad all the way to Cleveland for his treatments and I haven't gone with you, not even once."_

"Blaine it's okay, you have school; and besides it's not that far-"

_"No Kurt but... I should be there with you, and I feel bad because I haven't."_

"Blaine, I know you care about my dad, and he knows it too. But it's not your responsibility; it's mine. So don't feel bad okay?"

Blaine stayed quiet for a few seconds, and Kurt wondered if what he said upset him.

"Blaine?"

_" You're right. Will you tell me if you have to go down on a weekend though? I could drive you guys down there." _Blaine said, voice shy and hopeful.

"Of course, I will."

_"Okay."_

"We'll speak soon then... say hi to Cooper for me."

_"I will... bye Kurt."_

"Bye."

Kurt took a deep breath as he hung up. Having mixed feelings about Blaine's words. He knew Blaine cared about his dad, but he wasn't obligated to go with them. Besides, Kurt wondered what would happen if they ever ran into Sebastian's mother while they were down there.

Did Blaine even know Sebastian's mother? Kurt had no idea how close Blaine and Sebastian ever got, or if Blaine ever went over to Sebastian's house. Just thinking about that possibility made him uneasy, and he didn't want to dwell on those thoughts. It was in the past.

Speaking of Sebastian. Kurt suddenly remembered about him, and he wondered if Sebastian was doing better, if the doctor had taken him off the feeding tube, if he'd liked the journal, or if he had thrown it away.

He took his computer and logged into Facebook, wondering if he should message him. He was going down to the clinic again tomorrow, after all, and he'd told Sebastian he was going to visit him again.

**Kurt:** Sebastian?

Kurt wondered if Sebastian was going to respond or not, but a couple of minutes later, he did.

**Sebastian:** Kurt...

He smiled.

**Kurt: **Hi! How are you liking the journal so far? :)

**Sebastian**: I can't use it.

Kurt frowned as he looked at Sebastian's words, confused as to what he meant.

**Kurt:** Why not?

**Sebastian:** It's your fault.

**Kurt:** What?

**Sebastian: **You didn't bring me any scissors. There is stuff that's supposed to be cut and I have no scissors.

Kurt laughed out loud. Sebastian couldn't possibly be serious. Once he was done laughing and shaking his head in disbelief, he typed a response.

**Kurt:** That's no excuse! And besides, it's paper! You can fold it and cut it with your hands!

**Sebastian:** No, can't do it.

**Kurt:** yes you can! You have hands, don't you?

**Sebastian:** I don't like the sound of paper being torn. It's like screeching chalk on a blackboard, or rubbing your fingernails in denim.

**Kurt:** You are crazy.

**Sebastian:** it's awful... can't do it.

**Kurt:** So, if I get you scissors you will use the journal? Is that what you're saying? :)

**Sebastian:** Maybe.

**Kurt:** Fine.

**Sebastian:** Maybe not.

**Kurt:** You're impossible.

**Sebastian:** You're ridiculous.

Kurt laughed reading Sebastian's messages, somehow not taking offense but finding it hilarious. Sebastian was so stubborn; it was unbelievable.

* * *

Back in the hospital, Sebastian was staring at his phone, smiling. He was holding his phone in one hand and in the other one he had the journal.

The sun was going down, and from his hospital room window, Sebastian had an amazing view of downtown Cleveland. He wished he could go out and walk around, see if there was anything interesting, but he couldn't even leave his room, let alone go out to the city.

No, instead he was stuck there in the hospital, playing around with the Journal Kurt gave him. He looked at the text in the page and laughed, it was so stupid. He then grabbed the journal and threw it against the wall so hard that it bounced off and ended up under the corner table. Sebastian laughed. This was so ridiculous, but he had to admit it had felt really good to throw the damn thing.

Now he had to get up from the bed to pick it up, but he didn't want to.

Suddenly the door to his room opened and his parents came in. He couldn't deny he was happy to see them. His mom was hugging him tightly before he even had the chance to say hello.

"Hey guys..."

"How are you baby? We came as soon as we could."

"I'm feeling pretty good." Sebastian said, and it was true, he did feel pretty good, compared to how he'd been the past few days at least.

"I see they finally took you off the tube." His dad said, squeezing his knee affectionately.

"Yeah, this morning." Said Sebastian. Taking the thing out had been even more uncomfortable than having it in the first place, but he was glad to finally have it out.

He'd had it taken out earlier that day, before visiting hours, so now his parents were there and even if their visits were shorter than he'd like, he appreciated the effort they put into driving all the way down to the hospital when he knew they were really busy with their respective jobs.

They talked for a while, and it was pleasant until his dad looked at the empty corner table and noticed the absence of the floral arrangement.

"Hey, what happened to the flowers?"

Sebastian stiffened automatically.

"I uh... I had the nurse take them away."

"Why?" His mother asked, confused.

Sebastian stayed silent for a few seconds, looking at his dad, then at his mom and then decidedly at the wall. "They were giving me allergies."

His mother frowned, "Bastian, you don't have any flower allergies."

He saw from the corner of his eye how his dad crossed his arms and so he braced himself before speaking.

"I'm actually allergic to _hypocrisy_." He replied between his teeth, and he heard his mother gasp.

He hated that he was speaking like that to her, when it was really aimed at his dad. After all, aunt Helen was his dad's sister, and his father probably knew more than anyone exactly _why_ she had distanced herself and her son from Sebastian.

Mr. Smythe shook his head, disappointment evident in his features, and Sebastian looked up at him, waiting for what was surely a lecture to come.

"Sebastian..." he started.

"What, dad?" his eyes were almost challenging now.

"You can't... you shouldn't have done that! Your aunt brought them for you, she came to visit you, but you were asleep. What if she comes again? How do you think she'll feel about you throwing away her present?"

Sebastian felt like boiling water was bubbling inside his stomach, bile rising in his throat.

"How will _she_ feel? Dad... you can't be serious."

He felt his mother's hand over his own, squeezing softly, unspoken words clear through the touch, trying to calm him down, but he couldn't. Sebastian felt his body shaking from the sheer frustration at the sound of his father's words.

"What about _how I feel,_ dad? I don't want to see her!"

_"Bastian please calm down..."_ he heard his mother say, voice quiet but firm, her hand soothing circles on his back. Sebastian wanted to shake her off, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He felt himself slightly detached from his own body, eyes fixed on his father's back, who had turned to look out the window, probably trying to calm himself down to avoid snapping at him.

When his dad turned around though, his expression was not angry like Sebastian expected. It was stern, unreadable. He didn't say anything, just shook his head in disappointment, and in that moment he might as well have just yelled at him because the look he gave Sebastian felt like a slap to the face.

He didn't understand what was happening, but before he realized, his eyes were full of tears that streamed down his face as he tried to blink them away, and the shaking he felt inside before was now evident as he looked down to his hands and noticed them trembling.

"Sebastian?"

"Stop... bringing people!" he growled, his voice cracking and a sob escaping him.

"I don't want her here! I don't want _anyone_ here! Why don't you get it? Why won't you leave me alone!" He was yelling now and his mom looked terrified, his dad had lifted his arms in surrender, and Sebastian could see them moving their mouths, but he couldn't hear what they were saying anymore.

Sebastian covered his face with his hands and tried to breathe, but he felt like he was drowning. He felt his mother's arms around him and he fought against himself to try and muffle his cries, to stop the tears, to put himself together. But he couldn't, not when he was so, so angry. He slowly lay back and rested on his side, his mom moved to sit in the bed next to him, and slowly moved him until he was resting over her lap. He was still grabbing her clothes tightly, hiding his face from both his parents, breathing harshly. He knew his dad was standing next to the bed but Sebastian didn't dare to look at him.

They all stayed in silence, until Sebastian's cries had died down and he was starting to doze off. He felt like a child throwing a fit, it was freaking embarrassing, but he was exhausted. He wanted to stay right there, in his mother's lap. Holding on to her clothes with tight fists that slowly unclenched as he drifted off to sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he was asleep, but he briefly drifted back into consciousness when his mother moved his head off from her lap and back to the pillow. Sebastian could feel her hand caressing his face but he stayed still, feigning sleep. He could hear them whispering and decided to stay still as he heard their conversation.

_"I'd never seen him like this Vivienne, it kills me... it just kills me."_

_"Just give him some time... he's not himself right now."_

_"I am very worried about him."_

_"I am too."_

There was a pause and Sebastian wondered if his parents had left the room, but then he heard his dad speak again.

_"I know he doesn't want to go see Dr. Mitchell, but do you think she could come here?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I want him to see a therapist Vivienne, and if he refuses to go, then we will have to bring the therapist to him."_

He felt his chest tighten at his father's words, but he didn't hear his mom say anything else. Sebastian stayed still as he felt her come up to him and kiss him on the cheek. He then heard their steps as they gathered their things and exited the room.

Sebastian waited a few seconds after he heard the door close to finally open his eyes, and in that moment his frustration was so big that he felt like he wanted to scream, but instead he just hid his face in the pillow and cried.

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ Hope you guys liked this chapter, it was kind of transitional but necessary. Let me know what you think :)_


	7. Chapter 7

When it was time again for Kurt to go down to the hospital with his dad, he was feeling a bit jumpy. For once he knew he'd actually have something to do while he waited for his dad: _He was going to spend a whole hour with Sebastian._

Kurt still hadn't decided if that was a good idea or a crazy one, but was determined to give it a shot anyway.

As Burt went into the clinic to get treated, Kurt took the elevator and headed for the 11th floor. He was carrying his blue bag on his shoulder, and it clinked with every step he took. He was also carrying a small plastic bag with more supplies for Sebastian. He'd brought the scissors, but also decided to add a couple of other things, just for kicks. There were little golden star stickers, rainbow post its, smiley faces and glitter.

Kurt knocked softly on Sebastian's door but no response came from inside. So he waited for a couple of seconds before knocking again, but still nothing happened.

He opened the door and walked cautiously into the room. And then he realized there had been no response because Sebastian was asleep. Kurt hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do.

Kurt didn't really want to leave, but he didn't want to wake Sebastian either. Seeing as he was already in the room, Kurt decided to leave the bag with the supplies he'd brought for him in the corner table. Kurt walked slowly across the room, trying to make as little noise as possible, which was a little difficult considering the bags he was carrying. The plastic bag was especially noisy and Kurt was sure the second he put it over the table the noise would wake Sebastian.

Once he reached the corner table, Kurt put the plastic bag on the table, being immensely careful as to not make too much noise. He was about to turn around and leave when he noticed something on the floor. It was Sebastian's journal. It was far away from the bed, and from the position it was in, it was evident that the journal had been thrown. Kurt was disappointed, figuring Sebastian didn't want it. So he kneeled down to pick it up. While he was down, he decided to take a look inside just to see if Sebastian had done anything with it.

As soon as Kurt flipped it open he noticed Sebastian had actually started using it. Although it was not quite what he expected.

The first instruction in the book said, _"Add your own page numbers, starting here!"_ With an arrow pointing to the bottom right corner of the page, but instead of writing down numbers, Sebastian had used the blank corners of the pages to draw a stick figure man walking. Every page flipped had the man in a different position and Kurt smiled as he quickly went through them and saw the little man run and jump.

He went back to the second page, which said: _"Leave this page blank on purpose."_ The page was black with white lettering, and Sebastian had written, "No, fuck you, I want to write here." with the Whiteout pen. Kurt had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing out loud at that. It seemed Sebastian was determined to do things the opposite way instead of following instructions.

_'Fill this page with circles'_ - Sebastian filled it with squares and triangles and... _Clouds?_

_'Color this entire page' -_ Sebastian left it blank, except for a small "No." written right under the instructions with a blue ink marker.

_'Fill the page with one word'_ - He'd written in a whole bunch of different words: life, sun, beach, food, and sex. Kurt had to admit it was very interesting.

It was like Sebastian was trying to make a point of not wanting to use the journal, while using it. Kurt smiled; at least Sebastian was doing something with it, which was the whole point. Kurt kept turning the pages, looking at Sebastian's doodles until one page caught his attention.

The instructions read: _'Do a really ugly drawing (use ugly subject matter: gum, poo, dead things, a badly drawn bird, mold, barf, crud.)'_ and Sebastian had drawn a bag with a yellow label that said CHEMO in dark bold letters.

Kurt felt something twist inside him, and suddenly felt like he had just violated Sebastian's privacy. He shouldn't be looking into this book, even if it wasn't an _actual_ journal. So he closed it and got up from the kneeling position he was still in. Right when he turned around, Sebastian opened his eyes and yawned.

"Kurt?"

He felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Sebastian, hi... sorry I was just, bringing you some stuff and you were sleeping and so I thought I'd just-"

Sebastian laughed, interrupting Kurt's nervous rambling, "Relax... Stop talking so fast, you're gonna give me a headache."

Kurt bit his lip as Sebastian sat up in the bed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

"It's okay, I didn't realize I fell asleep..." Sebastian groaned as he got out of the bed. Kurt was relieved to see Sebastian was wearing a pair of blue sweatpants under the hospital gown.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked as he saw Sebastian rubbing his temples.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Who knew being in bed all day was so exhausting?" He joked, and Kurt smiled at that, until he realized Sebastian was staring at his hands where he was holding the journal.

"Oh I just picked this up... why was it on the floor?"

"I'm just following instructions." Sebastian said, stretching out his arms and yawning.

Kurt frowned.

"It said I had to throw it... so I did."

"Oh..." Kurt said, smiling nervously, Feeling a little embarrassed for not figuring that out on his own. After all, the name of the book was _"Wreck-it Journal"_ for a reason. You were supposed to cut it, stain it, bend it, and apparently, also throw it around.

Sebastian stood up from the bed and put on put on his slippers. Kurt felt a little intimidated as Sebastian approached him, but relaxed once he realized Sebastian was actually aiming for his duffel bag, which was in the floor next to the corner table.

Kurt tried not to stare as Sebastian zipped the bag open, taking out a gray beanie and putting it on.

"Head gets cold." He said, walking back towards the bed and leaning on it. Kurt just nodded.

"What's in the bag?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh I brought you some more stuff!" Kurt said, grinning widely as he handed it over to Sebastian, who rolled his eyes and started laughing once he started going through the things that were inside.

"Red glitter, seriously Kurt?"

"And there's blue too! Dalton colors, I figured you'd like them."

"You're insane…."

"It might come in handy!"

Sebastian just glared at him, but Kurt could tell he wasn't really angry. Kurt was beginning to realize he actually enjoyed annoying Sebastian a lot.

"So, what else do you have there?" Sebastian said, eyeing Kurt's blue bag suspiciously, since it was noticeably stuffed.

"Oh… I brought a little game so we can play!" Kurt said a little too enthusiastically, zipping his bag open and taking it out.

"Jenga?" Sebastian said, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you don't like Jenga, _everybody_ loves Jenga." Kurt said, and Sebastian smirked.

"Oh I like it alright, and I'm also good at it!"

"Really?" Kurt replied, "We'll see about that."

And so they sat in the hospital bed, one in front of the other, placing the table used for Sebastian's meals across the bed so they could play on it. They started off sitting cross-legged over the bed, facing one another, but as the game escalated they ended moving so much that there were times in which Kurt had one leg on the bed and the other on the floor. One time, Sebastian even stood up from the bed and walked over to the opposite side just to stick a wooden block in a place he couldn't reach.

Time flew by as they played over and over again, keeping score of how many times it was Sebastian or Kurt's fault that the small wooden block tower crashed. So far, Kurt was winning, and Sebastian was determined to beat him. They built up the tower and made it crumble to the floor so many times that Kurt had tears in his eyes from laughing so much. Sebastian's annoyance every time Kurt won was just hilarious.

As they continued playing, Kurt couldn't help but realize that this was the first time he'd ever seen Sebastian smile and laugh genuinely. Every time Kurt had seen Sebastian smiling before he had been either mocking, bragging or insulting someone; but right now he seemed relaxed and happy.

In fact, Sebastian seemed to be a little _too_ happy, especially since Kurt made the tower crumble and that tied the game. Sebastian was laughing so hard he was holding his stomach as Kurt got off the bed to pick up the blocks that had fallen to the floor.

Suddenly the door opened and Mrs. Smythe came in, along with another woman Kurt had never seen before. And judging by Sebastian's sudden change in demeanor, he hadn't either.

"Kurt! Oh what a nice surprise!" Mrs. Smythe said as she entered the room. She went over to Sebastian's bedside and leaned over to kiss his head. Kurt felt his heart melt a little at the sight of that affectionate moment, and wanted to smack Sebastian for not returning any kind of loving gesture to his mom. He seemed suddenly guarded and uncomfortable, a complete change from how relaxed he was just seconds before.

"What were you boys doing?" Mrs. Smythe asked, her smile wide and looking clearly excited to see Sebastian had company.

"Oh just playing a little Jenga." Kurt said, smiling and looking expectantly at everyone in the room, feeling like he was the only one who didn't know what was going on. There was definitely some sort of unspoken tension and Kurt soon found out what it was.

"Bastian, this is Dr. Mitchell. I told you about her, remember?"

"It's nice to meet you, Sebastian." The doctor said, politely.

Sebastian just nodded at the woman, lips pressed in a tight and forced smile. There was a brief moment of awkward silence and Kurt felt suddenly out of place. He knew he should probably leave, but his things were all over the place. He'd put his bag on the corner table, his coat over the chair by the window and the Jenga blocks were all over the floor and bed.

"So, is this like, a therapy-intervention or something?" Sebastian laughed, but was clearly not amused.

_"Sebastian..."_ His mother warned, giving Dr. Mitchell an apologetic look, but the doctor just smiled.

"No, not at all..." She said calmly and smiling all the while, "We can't force you to attend therapy, Sebastian. I'm just here because your mother asked me to come and tell you about other alternatives that you might like better."

Sebastian just raised an eyebrow as the doctor pulled out a pamphlet, holding it out for him.

"Support groups?"

"Yes. Support groups can be vital in helping patients and families cope with cancer. Cleveland Clinic offers several different groups which hold weekly meetings for cancer patients and cancer survivors."

Sebastian wasn't looking at Dr. Mitchell as she spoke; he was looking at the pamphlet, his expression unreadable. Mrs. Smythe looked like she was holding her breath with every second that passed before Sebastian finally looked up and replied.

"I don't know..."

"You should give it a try honey..."

"You'd be surprised to see how much it helps sometimes to hear about how others are coping with their Illness." Dr. Mitchel continued, "To talk about things you're going through helps a lot, especially when the people listening are in a similar situation."

"How do you know? Are _you_ a cancer survivor, Dr. Mitchell?" Sebastian asked defiantly, and for the first time Kurt saw Mrs. Smythe actually roll her eyes, clearly embarrassed by her son's behavior.

Being a psychologist meant that Dr. Mitchell probably had a lot of experience dealing with unwilling and hostile patients, because even with Sebastian's condescending tone she didn't lose her composure even for a second.

"I'm not," She started, holding Sebastian's petulant gaze and offering a smile in return, "but I have counseled cancer patients for over 12 years; and I've seen many patients who weren't sure about attending support groups change their minds after giving it a chance. I have yet to find a case in which they regretted going. If anything, they've regretted not going sooner."

Sebastian squinted his eyes before looking down at the pamphlet again. Everyone in the room fell silent as Sebastian flipped it over.

"Could I bring someone with me?" Sebastian asked, and Mrs. Smythe's eyes went wide.

"Well... I'm afraid the Wednesday meetings are for patients only." Dr. Mitchell responded, to which Sebastian smirked, looking suddenly pleased.

"_Well..._" He responded, mocking her tone, "I won't go by myself, I want Kurt to come with me, or I'm not going."

Kurt thought he'd misheard for a second; surely Sebastian couldn't possibly be serious. Kurt was frozen in the spot, Sebastian wasn't even looking at him, but Mrs. Smythe and Dr. Mitchell were.

"Um..."

"The reason this group is for patients only is because it represents a safe place to talk about difficult things and feelings that patients usually don't feel comfortable sharing with loved ones." The doctor said, turning to look at Sebastian again. "But there's another group on Friday afternoons and those meetings are open to parents, friends and caregivers too."

"Oh, that's great!" Mrs. Smythe said, smiling expectantly as she looked at both Kurt and Sebastian. "You could go to that one Bastian, to give it a try, you might even like it!"

Sebastian sighed. "Fine... But only if Kurt goes with me." He said stubbornly, crossing his arms and looking at Kurt with an unreadable expression.

Kurt felt like his face was on fire as Sebastian's mother and the doctor turned to stare at him as well. Everyone was waiting for what he had to say and quite frankly his mind was blank.

"Um... Friday what time?" He asked, nervously.

"The meetings start at six, and they're about two hours long on average." Dr. Mitchell responded.

"Oh... Okay, sure." Kurt said, smiling nervously. Because how on earth would he say no when Mrs. Smythe's hopeful eyes were fixed on him?

"Oh! That's wonderful... Thank you Kurt!" Mrs. Smythe said, looking fondly at him, and Kurt managed to feel slightly better, but that lasted only about two seconds because when he turned to look at Sebastian he looked like he was ready to kill someone.

"Great. It's settled then." Dr. Mitchell said, sounding very pleased. "I really think you will like it Sebastian, and hopefully after you see how it is you'll want to give the other group a chance as well."

Sebastian didn't say anything. He didn't even nod; he just stared at the three of them and then decidedly at the wall.

"Okay, I'll walk Dr. Mitchell back to her car, I'll be right back honey." Mrs. Smythe said, smiling widely. She muttered a silent 'thank you' towards at Kurt before leaving the room with Dr. Mitchell.

Once they were out the door, Sebastian turned to Kurt, threw his pillow at him and yelled "God dammit Kurt!"

"What?!" Kurt said, startled by Sebastian's sudden outburst.

"You were supposed to say no!"

"How was I supposed to know?!" Kurt said; with a murderous look on his face as he threw the pillow back at Sebastian and smacked him in the face with it.

"You can't just… argh!" Sebastian was flabbergasted when the pillow hit him and it took him a second to compose himself as he fixed his beanie from where it almost fell off his head. "You can't just drive all the way down here twice in a day!"

"Um, yes I can... actually." Kurt said defensively, guarding himself in case Sebastian retaliated with the pillow again, but Sebastian just groaned in frustration.

"This is _your_ fault!" Kurt accused, "You put me on the spot! What was I supposed to do?"

"I was just..." Sebastian stumbled upon his words; "You're driving your dad here almost every morning, so I figured you must have been working afternoon shifts or something..."

Kurt frowned, wondering what Sebastian meant by that.

"...And since the support group meets in the afternoons, you wouldn't be able to come. I was counting on that! Don't you have to work?"

"Um... No, I don't."

"You don't have a job?" Sebastian said, skeptically.

"No…" Kurt said, "I mean I did... But when my dad got diagnosed I moved back to Ohio and had to quit."

Sebastian squinted his eyes. "You weren't in Ohio?"

"No, I was in New York."

"New York? But I thought you were..." Sebastian seemed thoroughly confused, "Never mind."

"What?"

"I thought you were working at the Lima Bean."

"Oh..." Kurt said, suddenly embarrassed. "I did, but that was months ago." He could feel his cheeks heating up with a blush. "How did you know?"

"I used to _live there_, remember?" Sebastian said and they both laughed. But Kurt was still confused.

"But I never saw you in all the time I worked there."

Sebastian stared at him and shook his head. "Yeah that's cause I was avoiding the place."

Kurt frowned in confusion, and Sebastian was suddenly serious.

"You were avoiding the Lima Bean..." Kurt said, cautiously, "Why?"

Sebastian sighed and looked at the window, staying thoughtful for a minute before responding.

"I went there once. You were with Blaine and some other girl. I saw you when I walked in, and was about to go over to your table. But then I noticed some other girl started giving you crap about her order..."

Kurt felt his stomach drop just a little bit at the memory that Sebastian's words brought back.

"She was bitching at you about an ice latte or something, and well... You looked miserable enough as it was, without having me comment on the ridiculous scarf you were wearing. So, I just turned around and walked out."

"You walked out." Kurt repeated, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"Yeah... and I avoided the place ever since." Sebastian confirmed, shrugging like it was no big deal. "It's not like I couldn't get coffee elsewhere."

Kurt was puzzled, not quite knowing what to make of Sebastian's sudden revelation. He remembered going to work at the Lima Bean every day for the first couple of weeks, dreading the moment Sebastian would walk through the doors and he would have to take his order. Kurt wasn't looking forward to having to endure the mockery that was sure to come from Sebastian, especially since he had pretty much predicted Kurt's situation. Just the thought of it was humiliating to him, and so Kurt had even come up with a few possible comebacks that wouldn't get him in trouble with his supervisors in case Sebastian decided to show up and be an ass to him in front of them.

But it never happened, Sebastian never showed up at the Lima Bean, and now Kurt knew why.

"Well, now we have to go to the stupid support group. We're screwed!" Sebastian said, changing the subject.

"Come on Sebastian, it can't be that bad." Kurt said, rolling his eyes. Sebastian was being such a big baby about the whole thing; it was getting on his nerves.

Sebastian just huffed, shaking his head, and Kurt didn't know what to say anymore. Maybe _he_ was the one really screwed after all.

* * *

_**Author's note**__: I actually loved writing this chapter so I hope you guys enjoyed it too! A little break from the angst right?(kinda, I know.) So, hope you can let me know what you think! :)_

_In next chapter, Kurt and Sebastian go to the support group and some other things will happen. So stay tuned ;)_


	8. Chapter 8

Kurt looked at himself in the mirror for the tenth time, not quite convinced with the outfit he was wearing. He sighed and started taking off his vest, and then unbuttoning his shirt and putting it back on the rack. He never thought this would be so hard, but he wasn't sure what kind of thing was appropriate to wear to a cancer support group.

He stared down at the other options that were spread across his bed. Usually he could make up his mind just by looking at the combinations but in that moment nothing seemed quite right. Kurt wished he could just wear the same thing he wore that morning when he went to the hospital with his dad, but he couldn't. Just thinking about it made him feel gross, he'd been doing a lot of stuff during the day and he had already taken a shower, he couldn't wear his dirty clothes again, even if they weren't actually 'dirty'.

Kurt picked up another shirt from his bed and looked at it, and then his thoughts drifted, remembering his exchange with Sebastian earlier that day.

_"Give me your phone."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I'm giving you my number, and you need to give me yours too."_

_Sebastian made a weird face and Kurt rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that look, it's important."_

_Sebastian reluctantly handed Kurt his phone and Kurt glared at him before saving his number in it. He handed it back to Sebastian and then extended his hand, giving his phone to Sebastian and waiting expectantly as he hastily saved his number in it._

_"Great, now we both have each other's numbers." Kurt said, smiling as he got up to leave, "I'll call you later today, when I'm on my way, and if anything comes up, you can call me." _

_Sebastian just nodded, and Kurt returned the nod before walking towards the door._

_"Hey Kurt..." Sebastian called, stopping Kurt just when he was about to walk out._

_"What?"_

_Sebastian just stared at him, there was a hint of hesitation in his eyes but then he just said: "Nothing... just, I'll see you later."_

_Kurt wasn't convinced, but decided not to ask anything. So he just said "Okay."_

_And then he left._

It was three in the afternoon now, which meant Kurt had just about fifteen minutes to get ready and leave if he wanted to make it to the hospital on time. He didn't want to risk getting stuck in traffic and being late. So he needed to hurry up and get dressed. As he went through his outfit options, he couldn't help but wonder about Sebastian and what happened that morning. It seemed as if Sebastian wanted to say something but then changed his mind, and Kurt wondered if what Sebastian wanted to say had anything to do with the clothes Kurt was going to wear.

He tried not to think about the times when Sebastian had made rude comments about his clothes before. That was in the past, right? But still, Kurt couldn't help but wonder, especially when he glanced again at the options spread across his bed. Each coat and jacket had something "extra" to them. The camouflaged one he liked to wear with the hippo brooch, the blue one with the tiny golden beads on the collar, and the red one with the black zippers on the sleeves.

Kurt giggled; he couldn't help it. Each outfit had his own personal style and if Sebastian didn't like it well that was just _too bad_. It wasn't like Kurt was going to wear them just to annoy him. But if he did, it would be fun to watch. It was Sebastian's fault Kurt was going to the support group with him anyway.

_"Kurt! Blaine is here!"_

His father's voice shook Kurt out of his thoughts as he shouted from downstairs. Kurt was startled. _What the hell was Blaine doing there?_ Kurt could hear steps coming up the stairs and realized Blaine was coming up to his room. _Dammit!_

There was a soft knock on the door, and Kurt could feel his stomach twisting. He had clothes all over his bed, and if Blaine came in he would just know Kurt was planning to go out. He didn't know what to do.

_"Kurt... can I come in?"_ Came Blaine's voice from behind the door as he knocked again.

"Just a minute!" Kurt yelled, feeling like he wanted to pull his hair out, a mixture of nerves and flat annoyance taking over him. He grabbed the shirt he had just taken off and put it back on, quickly buttoning it up.

Kurt straightened his clothes, lifted his chin and looked at himself in the mirror. He would have to wear this; he had no more time left. He had to find out what Blaine wanted and send him on his way in... _Twelve minutes_ now.

Kurt sighed and said: "Come in!" Not quite managing to hide the annoyance in his tone.

The door opened slowly and Blaine came inside while Kurt started putting away the clothes that were still in his bed, hanging them back in the closet. When Kurt turned around, Blaine was still in the doorway, smiling awkwardly and looking inside at the remaining outfits that were spread across Kurt's bed.

"Hi..." He said awkwardly.

"Blaine, hi..." Kurt said, trying _real hard_ to keep it casual. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry I... We got out of school early today, no glee club. So I gave Tina a ride and then thought I could come by and I..." Blaine stumbled upon his own words nervously, "I wanted to see if you wanted to go get a cup of coffee or something."

Kurt just stared at him, processing his words, which made Blaine visibly nervous. "You know since we couldn't talk the other day... because of Cooper and-"

"Yeah I know." Kurt interrupted him, smiling tightly in hopes of making things less awkward. "I just wished you'd called first... I um... I can't right now."

Blaine glanced over again at the clothes in the bed, "Are you going out?"

Kurt breathed in.

"Yes, actually."

"Oh."

Kurt just nodded, waiting for him to ask the inevitable question, but Blaine said nothing. Instead the silence was becoming tense in a way that was making Kurt uncomfortable, especially when he glanced up at his clock and realized he only had ten minutes now to get out of the house.

"And um... where are you going?" Blaine finally asked, and Kurt just took a deep breath, pressing his lips in a tight line and giving his ex-boyfriend a knowing look.

"Blaine..."

Luckily, Blaine got the hint, even though the hurt was evident in his eyes, "Sorry, it's none of my business... I'm really sorry I came over unannounced."

"It's fine..." Kurt said, smiling in an attempt to ease some of the tension, "We can always get coffee some other time, right?"

"Yeah, of course" Blaine said, visibly disappointed even through the smile he was currently sporting.

To say things were awkward would be an understatement, but Kurt was glad Blaine didn't push the issue any further. He didn't want to have to lie, but he just couldn't tell Blaine where he was going.

Kurt walked Blaine to the door, and the shorter boy left without asking any further questions. The second Blaine stepped out the door Kurt rushed upstairs to finish getting ready. When Kurt left the house, he told his dad where he was going, but he asked him not to tell Finn or Carole; and even though Burt gave him a weird look, he agreed.

Kurt composed a quick text to Sebastian before leaving, letting him know he was on his way, but Sebastian didn't reply. The drive to Cleveland was fast and uneventful. There was barely any traffic, which was odd for a Friday afternoon, but Kurt was glad because he made it to the hospital ten minutes before six. Right on time!

When Kurt got to Sebastian's room, he found the taller boy standing up, leaning slightly against the window and looking down into the city. The door was already open, but Kurt stayed there and knocked anyway.

When Sebastian heard the knock on the door, he turned around and gave Kurt a small smile. He was wearing a brown hoodie with a grey t-shirt underneath, dark blue jeans and red sneakers. The shirt matched his gray beanie, and Sebastian's awkward smile matched Kurt's own.

"You're ready to go?" Kurt asked, and Sebastian just nodded, walking over to where he was.

They walked together down the hallway in silence. Sebastian seemed deep in thought as they waited for the elevator to take them down to the first floor where the support group met.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, which apparently shook Sebastian out of his thoughts.

"Yeah... I'm fine." He replied, but Kurt knew something was on his mind. Perhaps Sebastian was just mortified about having to attend the support group, but Kurt couldn't do anything about it, so he decided to leave it there.

It wasn't hard to find the room where the group met, since there was a small sign in the hallway that read: _"C.C. Cancer Youth Gathering. Friends and family welcome!"_ Sebastian smacked the sign with the palm of his hand as they walked past it.

The meeting room was spacious and nicely decorated. Inspirational quotes with beautiful landscapes were framed on the walls, and the room had a warm feeling overall. There were already about fifteen other people in the room, a bigger group than Kurt expected it to be. Though quite frankly, Kurt didn't really know what he expected going into one of these things. Kurt knew it was silly, but he supposed it would kind of go like the AA meetings he'd seen on TV, with people sitting in a circle of chairs talking about their feelings, repeating motivational mottos and stuff like that.

The chairs were in fact placed in a big circle, and there were patients with their parents and friends sitting in some of them. The circle was big, and many chairs were still empty as they waited for the meeting to start.

Sebastian sat in one of the chairs and Kurt sat beside him. There was a small space between the chairs but as more people arrived, more chairs were added to the circle and they had to put the chairs right next to each other, leaving no space between them.

Sebastian sat straight and turned to Kurt, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "They said this started at six, and it's already ten after six."

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Stop it, I'm sure it's about to start any minute now."

Sebastian just shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest as the rest of the people took their places in the remaining empty chairs. Then he leaned towards Kurt again and said: "There are more family members and friends than patients here... wonder why that is?"

Kurt just frowned, scanning the room. It was pretty easy to tell who the patients were by just looking at them because well, _most of them were bald_. But also, there was a boy in a wheelchair and another girl who wasn't bald but was carrying an IV drip hanging from a small metal post.

Kurt looked back at Sebastian and leaned towards him, "Why?" he asked, and Sebastian sighed.

"It's because they need this more than the patients do..." Sebastian said, and Kurt tensed, "It's just fucking ridiculous."

Kurt glared at Sebastian, elbowing him. "Don't say that." He admonished, looking at the people in the room again and realizing there were in fact a lot of healthy looking people in the room, and they outnumbered the patients.

"Welcome everyone, I'm glad to see new faces today." A tall blond woman started saying, "We'll start by introducing ourselves, as always. You can tell us your name, age, diagnosis and anything else you want to share with the group."

Her smile was wide and cheery, and even though some of the people found it contagious and smiled back at her, Sebastian was positively scowling.

"My name is Katherine Morris and I'm thirty five years old." The woman continued, "I'm a breast cancer survivor, I've been cancer free for sixteen years." Kurt's eyes went wide, but it made sense. She was the one leading the group, and since it was a support group for teenagers with cancer, it made sense that she had also suffered from it. It was still unsettling to think about a nineteen-year-old getting breast cancer, but at the same time Kurt was happy to see she had survived.

Sebastian seemed bored out of his mind, which was ridiculous, considering the meeting had just started. So Kurt elbowed him again, in hopes of teasing him and making him smile at least. But what Sebastian did was just glare at him and then take Kurt's hand, giving it a light squeeze before letting go of it again. He then placed his arm over the back of Kurt's chair and left it there.

Kurt was puzzled at Sebastian's sudden affectionate gesture, feeling awkward and even a bit flustered by the feeling of Sebastian's arm behind his shoulders. Even though Sebastian wasn't really touching him, Kurt could feel the heat of his body because of the sudden proximity, but he didn't say anything. Instead he focused and tried to pay attention to the people who were talking.

"My name is Jennifer, I'm fifteen and I have Hodgkins Lymphoma. I have my last radiation session on Monday, and I'm happy about it." Another girl said, smiling "I'm here with my mom and sister, they've been really supportive. I don't know what I would do without them."

"My name is Kevin. Uh... I have stage two Osteosarcoma. I have my first round of chemo tomorrow, and I'm pretty scared." A young red-haired boy said as a woman next to him -probably his mom- hugged him from the side.

"I'm Danny, eighteen, and I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia."

The patients went one by one. And Kurt was surprised to see a few "healthy" looking people were actually patients.

They went on and on, most patients would stand up and introduce themselves and their family members or friends before moving to the next person. When it was finally Sebastian's turn, he didn't stand up; he just reached out to Kurt, taking his hand again but this time holding it tightly.

"My name is Sebastian, and this is my boyfriend, Kurt."

_Boyfriend?_ _What?_ Kurt's shocked expression must have mirrored the ones of several other people in the room.

"What else?" Sebastian continued, smiling casually, "I'm seventeen, I have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia… and I'm still alive." He said before turning to look at Kurt and smiling fondly, clearly overdoing it.

Kurt couldn't have shaken Sebastian's hand off even if he tried. Sebastian was holding it tightly as Katherine nodded nervously and said: "Well, um... nice to meet you Sebastian... and Kurt. Welcome to the group!"

Everyone else nodded and the inevitable whispering was evident among some of the younger members, but Sebastian didn't seem fazed by it. If anything, it seemed as if Sebastian was actually pleased to have shocked a few of the people in the room.

In that moment Kurt wished they were sitting in a table, because he wanted nothing more than to kick Sebastian in the shin. But he couldn't, not when everyone was looking at them, so instead he just smiled, hoping he didn't look as uncomfortable as he was feeling inside. _There would be hell to pay when they got out of there._

The remaining the patients introduced themselves. (Way too many for Kurt to remember their names.) All the while, Sebastian kept his hand over Kurt's. Even when Sebastian's grip had loosened considerably, Kurt didn't dare to remove his hand. He was positively glaring at Sebastian though, but the taller boy was simply avoiding eye contact with his supposed "boyfriend."

When everyone had finished introducing themselves, some other guy who introduced himself as Jim Bennet took the lead instead of Katherine. Apparently, there was a "Camp" they were planning for, and they were going to talk about it and the activities that would be available during it.

"So we have a lot to look forward to..." Jim said, "But before we start, I want to give the time to Mrs. Rogers and her family, to say a few words.

A woman stood up from one of the chairs, and she was holding the hands of who Kurt assumed were her daughters: One little girl who was probably ten or twelve at the most; and another one clearly in her mid twenties.

The woman was visibly tired, she looked like she hadn't slept in days, but her expression was warm as she spoke. "We just wanted to come here one last time, and thank you all in behalf of Tim." She started, and Kurt didn't like where this was going. He felt Sebastian's grip on his hand tighten a bit, but when he turned to look at him, Sebastian was staring directly at Mrs. Rogers.

"This group has been very special to all of us since the first day we came here..." her voice was breaking now. "And I know your support was essential to Tim, especially in his last days."

Her younger daughter was looking up at her, and her older one had tears in her eyes. "These are hard times for our family but you are all really special to us, and we appreciate those of you who could join us at the memorial. We will always remember you and I want to share with you something Tim wrote last week..." The woman said, wiping her eyes and pulling out a folded piece of paper from her pocket.

Kurt was startled when Sebastian suddenly let go of his hand. Sebastian stood up, pushing his chair back and stormed out of the room. Kurt was at a loss of what to do. Sebastian's sudden movement didn't quite interrupt Mrs. Rogers, but a lot of the people in the room had drifted their attention to Sebastian's retreating form and were now staring expectantly at Kurt.

_He should probably go after Sebastian, right? Right. _

Kurt stood up from his chair trying to make as little noise as possible and slowly walked out the door. Once he was in the hallway he looked left and right but couldn't see Sebastian anywhere. He walked down the hallway to the right but Sebastian was nowhere in sight, so Kurt took out his phone and dialed his number, but it was pointless, because Sebastian wasn't picking up.

Kurt didn't know what to do, but figured there were only two options. Sebastian had either gone back to his room, or he was outside in one of the gardens. But in which one? The hospital was huge.

Luckily, after walking to the hallway that led to the first garden, he found Sebastian standing by the rose bushes. He was leaning on the blue metal fence with his arms crossed, looking down. Kurt slowly walked up to where Sebastian was until he was standing next to him. Sebastian noticed him but didn't say anything. He didn't even turn to acknowledge Kurt.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked cautiously, but Sebastian didn't reply; he just shrugged.

Kurt waited for a minute, but the weather was cold and even though he was wearing a coat, he could still feel it creeping up on him. Sebastian was only wearing a hoodie, and Kurt was no expert but he figured it wasn't good for Sebastian to be exposed to the cold when his immune system was struggling with cancer.

"Um... Do you want to go back inside?"

After a few more silent seconds, Sebastian just sighed and said. "No."

Kurt waited for another while; he didn't know what he was supposed to do. Sebastian seemed deep in thought, picking at the leaves on the bush that was in front of him, mindlessly cutting them and throwing them away.

"It's very cold out here, I don't think you should be outsi-"

Sebastian started laughing out loud, causing Kurt to stop midway through his sentence.

"The cold is the least of my problems right now, Kurt."

"Well, _I'm_ getting cold," Kurt tried again, "And I'm wearing a bigger coat than you, surely you must feel it too. Let's go inside."

"I'm fine, you can go back if you want to."

"I can't go back there without you."

"Why not?" Sebastian asked, still not turning to face him, but focused on the leaves he kept picking out from the bush.

Kurt didn't want to snap at Sebastian, so he decided on a different approach instead. He tried to smile and said: "Well, because what kind of _boyfriend_ would I be if I leave you here in the cold?"

Kurt was relieved when his words got an amused chuckle out of Sebastian.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Sebastian said, half-heartedly.

"What was that all about?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shook his head.

"Honestly? I was hoping they'd be homophobic." Sebastian said, like it was nothing. "Just, you know… give me another reason to never go again."

Kurt shook his head in complete and utter disbelief. "Sebastian, you must be the only gay man alive that 'hopes' for people to be homophobic. You can't keep doing these things."

"Uh... yes I can, actually."

"That's really immature you know?" Kurt said, and Sebastian tensed visibly. The cold weather made each breath Sebastian took fog up in front of him, and Kurt could tell he was starting to breathe harshly.

"Yeah well, I don't care. I'm not going back there... It's fucking stupid!"

"How can you say that?" Kurt was disturbed by Sebastian's sudden hostility. "The meeting had barely even started when you left."

"You just don't understand Kurt... you don't get it!" Sebastian snapped.

"You're right, I don't!" Kurt responded firmly, turning his whole body towards Sebastian, hoping the taller boy would look at him. "So tell me, Sebastian... Tell me so I can get it."

Sebastian just shook his head, still refusing to look at him, and that's when Kurt noticed that Sebastian's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Kurt didn't know what to do. So he just stayed silent for a long while until Sebastian spoke again.

"I'm just not this _thing_..." He said, in a voice so low it was almost a whisper, "I am not my cancer."

"Of course you're not." Kurt reassured him.

"That's what everyone says, but then they _act_ like I am." Sebastian huffed, shaking his head, "Therapy, support groups, prayers, I didn't need any of that before the cancer, and I don't need it now either."

"I'm still the same person Kurt, I'm the _same guy_..." Sebastian said, laughing bitterly, "I just happen to need a shit ton of drugs and visits to the hospital to stay alive. But I haven't changed; I'm still the same. And I'm sick of people acting like I've suddenly become this frail little creature that needs affection and pity and therapy to talk about feelings and all this bullshit... I just... it makes me want to scream!"

By the time Sebastian finished talking he was breathing heavily, and he kept looking everywhere else except in Kurt's direction.

"Well then don't go to the support group, just be honest with your mom and tell her... I'm sure she'll understand."

"No Kurt. It's just... ugh." Sebastian bit his lip as he struggled with words, looking like he was about to cry. "I just don't want to hurt her more than I already am..." Sebastian said, taking his hand over to his eyes and wiping them roughly.

"Hurt her how?" Kurt asked softly.

Sebastian said, shrugging. "She cries a lot, because of me. To see her worry and stress, it just kills me inside."

"But you can't blame yourself for that Sebastian... none of this is your fault."

"My mom is everything to me… and I'd do anything for her but somehow I just _can't_ do this." Sebastian said, his voice trembling a bit. "I can't come here and pretend I can deal with this. I just can't listen to those people talk about their cancer and how they cope and live with it. I don't want to learn how to live with it, I want it _gone!"_

Kurt couldn't speak even if he wanted to; he felt like a knot had formed on his throat, and all he could do was listen as Sebastian spoke.

"You know that lady, talking about her dead son? I can't help but think that someday that could be my mom talking about _me_… and that just... sucks." Sebastian's voice cracked at the end as more tears escaped his eyes; but he quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of his sweater. He took a few steps back and sat in one of the benches nearby, bending over and putting his elbows on his knees, covering his face with both hands.

Soon enough Sebastian was crying in earnest. Kurt could tell he was trying to keep it together but failing miserably as choked sobs escaped him.

Sebastian wasn't just sad. More than that, he seemed hopeless and defeated, and Kurt felt his heart ache for him. Now he understood why Sebastian had left the room abruptly in the middle of Mrs. Rogers' speech.

Kurt stayed silent as Sebastian sniffled and tried to compose himself. For a moment Kurt wished he could do something, or say something to comfort Sebastian but he was at a complete loss of what to do. He wished he could reach out to him, hug him or something, but he didn't dare. Because even though Sebastian seemed to be opening up a bit, Kurt could tell that at the same time he was still guarded and was visibly embarrassed at the fact that he was crying.

So Kurt decided to walk over and just sit beside him on the bench. He stayed silent for a few minutes that seemed like an eternity as Sebastian just stared at the floor, sniffling. Kurt hated to feel so powerless, but this odd friendship Sebastian and him had going on was still at such an early stage that Kurt feared even the slightest mistake could shatter it to pieces.

"Your mom is strong, and she knows you are too." Kurt said carefully, searching for Sebastian's eyes. "She told me that on the first day we met."

Sebastian huffed, "That's cause I'm really good at pretending. But I know she probably thinks I'm depressed or something, just because I don't want people around me. But I'm not depressed, Kurt. I just want to be left alone. That's all."

Kurt thought about Sebastian's words for a while.

"Is that why you pulled out of Dalton?"

Sebastian sighed, and for a moment Kurt was sure he was going to snap at him again, tell him to fuck off or something. But instead Sebastian looked at him with a resigned smile and said: "No. I can't go to school when half the time I feel like shit and the other half I have to be in the hospital... it's pointless."

Kurt guessed Sebastian did have a point with that, but the fact that Sebastian also cut ties with almost everyone who knew him was still bothering him.

"But don't you miss it?" Kurt pressed. "Don't you miss your friends, the Warblers?"

Sebastian laughed bitterly and wiped his eyes again. "No, I don't."

"I don't believe you."

"They're not my friends, Kurt. I wasn't really close with any of them. They probably only tolerated me because they needed me."

"That's not true..." Kurt quickly replied, feeling almost offended on behalf of The Warblers.

"How would _you_ know?"

"Because they're worried about you." Kurt stated firmly, and Sebastian's head instantly turned in Kurt's direction, his eyes wide and alarmed.

"What did you-"

"At regionals..." Kurt interrupted Sebastian before he could snap at him, "Blaine and I went backstage after the performance. He asked them about you, why you weren't there; and they didn't know what to tell him."

Sebastian just squinted his eyes, like he clearly didn't believe a word of what Kurt was saying, but he still continued.

"Nick said he'd called you. Trent and Thad also seemed worried about you Sebastian, I'm sure they miss you."

"Sure they do." Sebastian said sarcastically.

Kurt sighed, exasperated by Sebastian's stubbornness. "I just don't understand why you would leave just like that. Without telling anyone."

"I just don't want people smothering me and..." Sebastian cut himself off, like he was about to say something but decided against it. "It's just life Kurt... people come and go. It's not a big deal."

Kurt couldn't believe the things Sebastian was saying, he didn't understand. Suddenly Sebastian turned around and looked him straight in the eye.

"Tell me you stay in touch with every single classmate of yours who has transferred schools."

"What?"

"Or members of your Glee club. Has anyone ever left McKinley and you never heard from them again?" Sebastian asked directly, "What about your friends that graduated last year and went off to college? Are you still close?"

Kurt was suddenly confused by Sebastian's questions, "Um, I don't know, I mean..."

"Come on Kurt, yes you do." Sebastian stated, "You _don't_ stay in touch, cause they're not your classmates anymore. They graduated, went separate ways, and maybe you'll know their whereabouts at first, but after a couple of months you'll never talk to them again. Just because I had a different reason to leave school it doesn't make it any different."

Kurt was about to protest but was interrupted before he could say anything when Sebastian turned to the side and cursed under his breath. When he followed Sebastian's gaze Kurt realized there was a nurse walking towards them.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian sighed, smiling uncomfortably as he slowly got up from the bench. Kurt was confused about what was going on but quickly caught on once the nurse got to where they were and she put her hand on Sebastian's forehead.

"What are you doing here? It's freezing! You can't be outside sweetie..."

"I know, sorry." Sebastian said in a small voice, clearly flustered by the nurse's actions.

"Is this Kurt?" She asked as Kurt got up from the bench and stood beside Sebastian.

"Yeah..." Sebastian said awkwardly, "Kurt this is Felicia, she's a friend of my mom. She um... works here."

"Nice to meet you Kurt," She said with a warm smile before looking back at Sebastian. Her expression turned serious again. "I promised your mom I'd keep an eye on you. I'm surprised no one stopped you from stepping outside!" She said, leading Sebastian back into the hospital.

Kurt followed them all the way back to Sebastian's room, as Felicia told him it was time for dinner. Kurt tried not to laugh at the look on Sebastian's face. He seemed younger all of the sudden, like a child who was being chastised. It was priceless.

Once they were back in the room, Felicia handed Sebastian a menu and talked to him about the options he could choose from. Sebastian just stared at the menu with a bored expression, as Felicia left the room. She said she would be back in a minute to take Sebastian's order.

Sebastian was sitting on the edge of the bed and Kurt sat on the opposite side, waiting and wondering if he should stay or just leave. He kind of wanted to continue their conversation but at the same time he didn't know how to bring it up again. Kurt didn't want Sebastian to push him away, but all the secrecy about his situation was in a way affecting him as well. Kurt just wished he could make Sebastian see that there was no need for it.

Sebastian turned to look at Kurt and put the menu down.

"What are you having?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shook his head.

"There's nothing remotely appetizing here."

Kurt reached to get the menu and took a look inside. It didn't look bad; in fact it looked like a restaurant menu. Granted, the options were simpler, and also measured; but it still looked pretty good. Kurt was surprised the hospital even had a menu to begin with.

"I can only choose from number five to number nine." Sebastian said, taking off his shoes and lying on his side, facing Kurt.

Kurt looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "You don't like chicken breast and salted vegetables?"

"I usually would, but here stuff tastes like nothing."

"The pictures look pretty good."

Sebastian just snorted. "They're probably stock photos."

They laughed.

"What would you rather be having then?" Kurt asked, putting the menu down.

Sebastian looked up and thought about Kurt's question for a while. Then he licked his lips and said: "I'd _love_ a fried tofu sandwich, nacho cheese Doritos and a Heineken."

"That's really... _specific_." Kurt laughed, surprised at Sebastian's odd choice of food, "You seriously like tofu?"

"My sister makes these killer tofu sandwiches, I love them. I can't make them myself though, 'cause I suck. So I only eat them whenever she is in town."

Kurt was laughing and shaking his head.

"Fried tofu, avocado and pickles, with some weird white sauce she makes from scratch." Sebastian said, smiling and staring longingly at the wall like he was picturing the sandwich there. "I'd seriously kill for one of those right now... You know, for my _last supper_." He joked.

"Last supper? What do you mean?" Kurt asked, confused.

"I start chemo again tomorrow." Sebastian said, slumping down on his pillow and staring at the ceiling again. "Don't think I'll be able to eat much after that."

"Already?"

"Yeah... can't catch a break."

"But... I thought you had to wait a bit longer before your next round?"

"Well... I'm doing better, and I guess I'm as strong as I'll ever be. So..." Sebastian said, suddenly serious again. "Can't slack and risk the freaking cancer cells starting a party in my bloodstream. You know?"

Sebastian smiled tightly at Kurt but there was a deep sadness in his eyes that Kurt could definitely see despite the strong front he was putting up.

In that moment Kurt's mind went back to the drawing he'd seen in Sebastian's journal a few days ago and his chest tightened. All Kurt could think about was how Sebastian would go through the thing he dreaded the most tomorrow, and how he wouldn't be able to be there with him.

And that just sucked.

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ Hope you guys liked the chapter! This one took me longer to post and I am sad to say updates from now on might not be weekly as they used to be :( Sorry, but real life has been kicking my butt lately!_

_My tumblr's always open if you have any further comments and questions. But I changed my URL, now you can find me at __**sebastian-likes-tofu**__ :D Thanks for reading and reviewing, every comment makes me smile! _


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author's note:**__ Okay, so this chapter is long. But I couldn't split it anywhere. You like long chapters though, right? I hope you do. A lot of stuff happens in this one, so I hope you can tell me what you think._

_Also, a little disclaimer here: Even though I have done a LOT of research for this story, and try to keep things as accurate as possible, it is still a work of fiction. So keep that in mind and thanks so much for reading. I can't believe there is almost 250 of you subscribed to this little story._

_Okay, will shut up now. Enjoy the chapter!_

* * *

It was five in the morning, Kurt's room was quiet and dark, and the only things in sight were the bright red numbers from the nightstand clock. Kurt glanced at them and then closed his eyes again, snuggling under the covers.

His body was so used to getting up before sunrise every other day to go to the hospital with his dad that he often woke up minutes before his alarm even had to go off.

There was no alarm today though, because they didn't have to go to the hospital. Yet Kurt was wide awake, thinking about going anyway but for very different reasons. Kurt tossed and turned in bed for a long time until he finally gave up on getting any more sleep. He felt restless and torn, his emotions making it impossible for him to fall back asleep.

Kurt was feeling frustrated because he had already made up his mind before going to bed last night. He had decided that he was _not_ going to visit Sebastian until Sunday when he went down to the hospital with his dad again.

Unfortunately, Kurt could not stop his brain from being completely incapable of thinking of anything else other than Sebastian.

Kurt wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep, but he couldn't, not when his mind was reeling. He couldn't stop worrying about Sebastian getting chemotherapy again today, because he knew that it was going to be hard. He kept replaying the conversation he had with Sebastian the night before in his head over and over again.

_They were both sitting in the hospital bed. Sebastian was reluctantly eating his dinner while Kurt sat at the other end of the bed eating the strawberry jell-o that came as dessert. They'd been eating in companionable silence for a little while when Kurt finally dared to ask._

_"What's it like?"_

_"What, the chicken?"_

_"No... I-I mean..." Kurt stuttered, "You know... the che-"_

_"Chemo?" Sebastian blurted out, interrupting him._

_"Yeah..." _

_Kurt could feel himself blushing, and Sebastian just sighed, looking down at his food, poking it with his fork and for a moment Kurt wondered if he had been out of line asking about that. "Sorry... you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." _

_Sebastian looked at him and shook his head, "It's fine... I just don't really know how to explain."_

_Kurt nodded understandingly._

_"I__t's the worse thing I've ever gone through. It's just awful... But_ it's different every time." Sebastian said, taking another bite of chicken and looking at the window, squinting his eyes.

_"There are some things that never change though..." He continued, "It hurts sometimes, it burns... I get really hungry but then can't eat because I'm feeling nauseous all the time. It kinda gets better after a few days but then I feel like I got run over by a truck or something. It's exhausting."_

_Kurt hated being sick and couldn't imagine how horrible it must be for Sebastian to feel all those things at once._

_"This time it's supposed to be different though, or at least that's what they're aiming for. The doctor said they adjusted the drugs or whatever..." Sebastian said, making fake quotation marks with his hands and rolling his eyes. "So maybe it will be better, but it could actually be worse. I guess I'll find out tomorrow."_

_"Hopefully it will be better." Kurt told him with a sympathetic smile as he finished the rest of the jell-o in the little plastic cup._

_Sebastian snorted, "Yeah... I hope so, cause I feel like a freaking lab rat." _

Kurt got up from bed and walked downstairs. There was no use for staying in bed if he was just going to lay there wide-awake. So he thought maybe getting a glass of water would help him stop worrying about Sebastian and keep his resolve of staying home.

Once he got to the stairs he saw his dad in the living room, sitting in the dark with the television on, though with no volume at all.

"Dad?"

"Hey bud."

"What are you doing up? Are you okay?

"Yeah just... couldn't sleep."

"Are you in pain? Do you need anything?"

"Kurt I'm fine." Burt said, smiling, "I just couldn't sleep so I came here. Didn't want to wake Carole with my constant moving around the bed. What are you doing up?"

Kurt sighed, "I couldn't sleep either."

Burt looked at him for a while, studying his expression in the dim light of the room. Kurt was still deep in thought, looking blankly at the television screen.

"Is something bothering you?" Burt asked, and Kurt just sighed.

"It's about Sebastian."

"What happened?"

"Well... He is getting chemo today and I'm just a little worried. I don't know."

Burt just nodded and they stayed silent for a little while.

"Are you going to visit him today?"

Kurt was startled by his father's question. "Uh... I don't know- I mean, I can't."

"Why not?"

"Well, we don't have to go to the hospital today and..."

"So? You could still go if you want to, Kurt." Burt said, as he started getting up from the couch, "If you're up at this hour thinking and worrying about him, you should go."

"But... what about Carole's birthday plan-"

"We can talk about it when you come back."

Burt stood in front of Kurt giving him a knowing look. "Look Kurt, if you don't go, you'll probably spend all day wondering how he's doing. You'll be worried and moping and regretting not going. So go."

As much as he hated it, Kurt knew his dad had a point. Burt just knew him so well.

"Go get dressed and I'll make coffee." Burt said, walking towards the kitchen and leaving Kurt in the still dark living room.

When Kurt arrived to the hospital, he was feeling giddy and even a little nervous. Sebastian knew Kurt didn't have to come to the hospital until tomorrow, so he wondered what Sebastian's reaction would be when he saw him today.

Kurt had no idea what to "bring" for Sebastian this time. He didn't know if Sebastian would be up for playing some more Jenga or if he would be sleepy or in pain. With every step Kurt took towards the Oncology Ward he felt more and more insecure about coming to the hospital. But he was there now; he couldn't go back.

When Kurt finally got to the elevators, he decided to just take a deep breath and calm down. He pushed the button and waited, staring at the numbers as the elevator came down floor by floor. When the elevator doors finally opened Kurt was surprised to see Mrs. Smythe come out.

Kurt greeted her with a smile but it quickly faded away when he realized she was crying.

"Oh my god Kurt!" She said, hugging him tightly and for a minute Kurt panicked, thinking something bad happened to Sebastian.

"I'm so glad to see you here..." She wiped her eyes with a tissue and tried to compose herself, "Sebastian told me you weren't coming today."

Kurt felt his face heat up, "Yeah, well... my dad didn't have to come today, maybe that's why."

"You came just for him?" Mrs. Smythe asked with a warm and teary smile and Kurt just nodded.

"Is everything alright?" Kurt asked and Mrs. Smythe took a deep breath.

"They started him on the chemo about one hour ago, but I can't stay any longer because I have a conference in Illinois." She said, clearly feeling torn about leaving her son during this difficult time. "I'm already late for the airport."

"Oh..." Kurt pressed his lips in a tight line and gave her a sympathetic smile. "When are you coming back?"

"Monday morning, I'll be here Monday morning."

Kurt nodded. "I'll keep him company Mrs. Smythe, don't worry." He said, trying to cheer her up, and Mrs. Smythe squeezed his hand affectionately.

"Thank you Kurt."

After speaking with Mrs. Smythe, Kurt was feeling better about having decided to come to the hospital after all. When he got to the eleventh floor and walked out of the elevator, he realized the door to Sebastian's room was open. He stood in the doorway and looked inside cautiously. Sebastian was sitting in the bed, wearing his blue Dalton sweatpants and the usual hospital gown. The bed was set in a vertical position so Sebastian could sit resting his back on the pillows, but his head was turned to the left, facing the windows.

Sebastian still hadn't noticed Kurt was in the doorway, which gave Kurt a few seconds to just stand there and look at him. Sebastian's face was turned to his side so Kurt couldn't see the expression on his face, but everything about him and his empty room seemed sad. It was visiting hour, and there were people in other rooms, yet Sebastian was alone.

_Well, not anymore._

Kurt knocked on the door, causing Sebastian to turn and see him. The surprise was evident in Sebastian's face once he saw Kurt coming into the room.

"Kurt? What are you doing here?" Sebastian asked with a confused smile.

Kurt walked up to Sebastian's bed and sat down in the edge of it. "Well… I knew you'd miss me if I didn't come, so I just came to check up on you."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. Now that Kurt was sitting closer to him, he was able to see that Sebastian's eyes were rimmed red, and his nose seemed a little puffy. Kurt wondered if Sebastian had cried after his mom left for the airport.

"So... How's it going?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, it's a walk in the park." Sebastian replied, pointing to the IV pump standing right next to him.

Kurt smiled. He was happy to find Sebastian in fairly high spirits. "That's great, maybe it won't be so bad this time then?"

"It's too soon to tell..." Sebastian sighed, "I have to sit here and marinate in this toxic waste for a couple of hours to actually see what it's gonna be like."

Kurt pressed his lips tightly, smiling sympathetically at him. "It kind of looks like kool-aid or something."

Sebastian snorted. "Yeah, I'll probably pee red for days."

They both laughed at that. Kurt looked at Sebastian and realized he had his journal in the bed next to him.

"Are you still working in the journal?"

Sebastian grabbed it, flipping through the pages. "Kind of... there's still a lot of stuff to do, but I haven't felt like doing anything lately." He reached over to the bedside and grabbed one red crayon and a black marker. Kurt stayed silent as Sebastian started drawing something in one of the pages.

A couple of seconds later Sebastian handed the journal over to Kurt. When he looked at the page Kurt was impressed. Sebastian had drawn the kool-aid man, but with horns and a trident.

"This is actually really good... I didn't know you could draw Sebastian."

"Yeah well..." Sebastian shrugged, "I don't know if you can call that drawing. It's just something I do for fun."

Kurt stood up and went over to the bedside table, opening the small plastic box and pulling out a few crayons. He sat in the bed and started sketching too. Sebastian stared at him curiously as Kurt held the journal over his lap.

When Kurt handed the journal back to Sebastian, he took a look at Kurt's drawing and started laughing out loud.

"What is that?"

"It's my version of the kool-aid man!" Kurt said, indignantly.

"But it's green, and it kinda looks like a diaper."

Kurt smacked Sebastian in the leg, and they both laughed. "Green is actually my favorite, and it doesn't look like a diaper!" Kurt protested, taking back the journal from Sebastian's hands and looking at both their drawings. Sebastian was definitely better at drawing than Kurt would ever be, but he wasn't going to admit defeat just yet.

They started teasing each other, Sebastian drew things and then challenged Kurt to draw his version of them to see who did it best. Kurt was determined to draw things better than Sebastian, and sometimes he did. They started by drawing simple things like dogs and houses, but then escalated to more complicated things like helicopters and human faces. By that point it was evident Sebastian was always going to beat him, so Kurt decided to try and do something else.

He handed Sebastian back the journal and when he saw it he frowned. There were 8 small lines in a row and an upside down L.

"What's this?"

"Let's play hangman." Kurt said, and Sebastian laughed.

"Are you serious?"

"What? Are you scared of losing?"

Sebastian seemed offended, "Definitely not!"

Kurt stood up and dragged over the small table from the corner putting it near the bed in front of Sebastian so they could place the journal there while Sebastian guessed the letters. He started with the vowels, but the word didn't have the letters A, E, or O, so Sebastian already had a head, chest and an arm on his hanging stick-man.

"I haven't played this since middle school."

"You have to try other letters too, not just vowels you know?"

"Shut up! At least tell me what kind of word it is."

"But that's cheating!"

"No, just tell me if it's a thing, or a place or a name... something!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "You're such a cry baby..." Sebastian glared at him, so Kurt finally budged. "Fine, it's a place."

Sebastian squinted his eyes and looked down at the page, trying to come up with what place it could possibly be.

**B****U**** _ _ _ ****I**** _ ****C**** _**

Unfortunately for Sebastian, he couldn't figure out the word before his little stick figure man was hanged. Kurt was trying really hard not to laugh at Sebastian's completely baffled expression. He couldn't believe that he lost. It was hilarious to watch.

"Fine, I lost... are you gonna tell me now?"

Not trusting himself to talk without bursting into hysterical giggles, Kurt took the journal and completed the letters that were missing.

"Bushwick? What the hell? I'd never heard of that place before!" Sebastian protested.

"You need to get out more," Kurt teased him, "Bushwick is a neighborhood in Brooklyn, it's where I used to live with Rachel last year."

Sebastian just glared at him. "Whatever... Now it's _my_ turn!"

Sebastian grabbed the journal and kept it for a few seconds. When he put it back in the table, there were 8 spaces as well. Kurt started guessing the letters and every time he messed up Sebastian was more than happy to draw one more stick-figure body part.

Kurt looked down at the page and remained thoughtful, wondering what word it could possibly be. Kurt didn't want to ask Sebastian for any clues, that way when he guessed the word he could tease him about it.

His stick figure only had one leg left before he lost. So Kurt needed to figure it out.

"I could probably draw him a hat too, you know?" Sebastian teased him, "To give you more opportunities to guess my word."

Kurt just rolled his eyes and shook his head, giving the letters in the page another look, and in that moment it hit him.

**_ ****E**** _ _ ****A****T**** _ ****O**

"Oh my god!" Kurt exclaimed, "_Fellatio?_ Is the word seriously fellatio?"

Sebastian laughter confirmed it, and Kurt could not help but blush a little as he glared at him before filling out the remaining letters.

"What? You're the one who started with weird and complicated words... I made it easy for you. Blowjobs are awesome!"

That made Kurt snort, "You're unbelievable."

"Yup..." Sebastian replied with a wink. "And so are my blowjobs!"

At Kurt's mortified expression, Sebastian started laughing out loud, holding his stomach with both hands and falling back on his pillows.

"Sebastian!" Kurt reprimanded, "There are people outside... someone might hear you!"

Sebastian didn't seem to care about it though, because he continued to laugh. Kurt was laughing too, even if he was still shaking his head in disbelief. Suddenly, Sebastian sat up straight again and wiped the corner of his eye but then he grabbed his chest and his face contorted into a painful expression.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, but Sebastian didn't reply. He just took his hand and covered his mouth with it, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

"Nothing..." Sebastian whispered between breaths, "I just... feel a little nauseous." He put his hand over his chest and sighed. Kurt stayed silent but he could already feel dread pooling up inside him. _Was Sebastian going to start feeling sick now? Had the chemotherapy started to hurt him already?_

"Do you want some water?" Kurt asked and Sebastian nodded.

Kurt got up from the bed and walked over to the corner table where there were two water bottles. He handed one of them to Sebastian and watched as he slowly drank a little of it. Kurt remained silent as Sebastian put the bottle in the bedside, waiting to see if Sebastian felt better of if he needed anything else. But Sebastian just looked at Kurt, handing him the journal. "Okay... now it's your turn."

Kurt spent almost 3 hours with Sebastian in the hospital. Time flew by as they played some more rounds of hangman, watched TV, and talked. Every half an hour or so, the nurses came into the room to check on Sebastian until it was time to unplug him from the IV once the chemo was all done.

Kurt wished he could have stayed longer but the fact was that he needed to be back home. He had a lot of stuff to do. Carole's 45th birthday was next Saturday and Burt wanted to celebrate it with something special. They were planning on throwing a party, and even though they had already invited most of the guests, Kurt still had to help Carole figure out some of the logistics of the whole thing. They were going to host the party at their house, which meant moving around furniture and figuring out what food they were going to prepare for that day.

So Kurt left and got home right on time to catch Finn, Carole and his dad sitting in the living room, watching a game. He joined them for a while, and then he and Carole went to the kitchen and started planning out for the party.

Kurt loved these kinds of things, and he was more than excited about getting the chance to decorate the house with tasteful floral arrangements. He already had some alternatives in mind, so he used his laptop to show Carole all the different possibilities and color combinations. Carole was fascinated with everything Kurt was showing her, and in the end they decided to decorate the party with purple and silver combinations.

It was a challenge to get everything to look fantastic and dreamy while they were working on a tight budget, but Burt wanted to throw Carole a special party and Kurt was determined to make it happen. They were spending a lot of money on his dad's radiation treatments, but that didn't mean that the party had to be something small and insignificant.

Later that evening, when Kurt and Carole came back to the house after running some errands, Kurt thought about Sebastian and wondered how he was doing. Right before dinner, Kurt decided to text Sebastian to ask how he was doing.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:**_

_**Hello! How are you feeling?**_

Kurt waited and waited, but Sebastian didn't reply. Kurt couldn't help but worry, even though he knew Sebastian usually didn't pay much attention to his phone. It wasn't until much later, when he was done with his moisturizing routine and was ready for bed, that he received a response.

_**From Sebastian Smythe: **_

_**Meh...**_

Kurt frowned, that response was really vague, but he was glad Sebastian had at least responded with 'something'. Kurt wasn't going to push for conversation if Sebastian wasn't telling him much, so he decided to type a quick text before getting into bed.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:**_

_**Hope it's not going too bad... :-/ I'll see you tomorrow! :-D**_

Kurt usually didn't mind using emoticons when texting, but somehow after sending his last message he felt stupid for adding two of them in the same text. The truth is Kurt always felt a little self conscious and awkward whenever he texted Sebastian. Hanging out with him in the hospital wasn't as weird anymore, but somehow texting him still felt a little intrusive and weird for him.

Sebastian didn't respond after that, and Kurt figured he'd have to wait until tomorrow to see how he was actually doing.

* * *

The next day came and when Kurt went to the hospital again, he knew something was wrong the second he stepped into Sebastian's room.

Sebastian was lying down on his side with his back to the windows. He was hidden under the covers, curled up into himself with his face buried in the pillow. He wasn't wearing his beanie, which was odd since Kurt knew Sebastian didn't like to have his head exposed. Kurt thought Sebastian was asleep but quickly realized he wasn't when he heard him groan quietly.

Kurt held his breath; feeling conflicted about what to do. Should he be there if Sebastian was feeling sick? Would his presence make Sebastian feel better, or worse? Kurt was at a loss of what to do, but suddenly Sebastian opened his eyes and stared at him.

Kurt waved shyly, studying Sebastian for a reaction, "Hi..."

Sebastian heaved a sigh and tried to smile, "Hey Kurt."

Kurt walked slowly into the room and Sebastian turned to rest on his back, wincing a bit when he stretched his legs. By that time Kurt had walked up to the edge of the bed, as usual, but he didn't sit down like he always did. He just stood there, not quite sure if he should stay or leave.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shrugged, running one of his hands over his face and head.

Kurt gave him a tight smile, feeling worried and out of place all at once, but then Sebastian sighed again and tried to speak. "It's just..." Sebastian started, but didn't finish his sentence.

Kurt stared expectantly at Sebastian, but he didn't say anything, he just closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. After a few minutes, Sebastian started breathing heavily, and Kurt panicked as he realized it was because Sebastian was trying to hold back tears.

"I'm just so sick of this." Sebastian cried, flinging his arm over his eyes, probably wanting to hide from Kurt in his moment of vulnerability. Somehow watching Sebastian like this made Kurt's chest tighten in a way he'd never felt before. What was he supposed to say? What could he possibly say to make Sebastian feel better when there were tears streaming down his face?

Sebastian wiped the tears from his eyes and cheeks and tried to compose himself. Kurt noticed Sebastian's skin looked different that day, it had a strange kind of pink blush all over his neck and arms. Kurt remembered the red liquid in Sebastian's IV from the previous day and wondered if it had anything to do with that. Wondered if that was the reason Sebastian was in pain.

"I just need this to be over... I can't do it anymore." He sobbed, and Kurt took a shaky breath before daring to speak.

"You'll make it through this, Sebastian. I'm sure you will."

Sebastian laughed bitterly then, "Well, I'm not..." He said, turning over and resting on his left side, facing the windows. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before hiding his face into the pillow again.

"Please don't say that." Kurt pleaded, but Sebastian just shook his head and sobbed. All Kurt could do was stand there feeling completely lost about what to do while Sebastian cried inconsolably. He couldn't do anything but wait until Sebastian's cries started to die out.

"I was supposed to graduate this year..." Sebastian whispered after a few silent minutes, and Kurt almost didn't hear him because of how the pillow muffled his voice.

"Maybe you still can." Kurt tried to sound hopeful, but Sebastian sighed heavily.

"I miss school..." He confessed, smiling sadly. "I miss playing lacrosse, and peeking at the guys asses in the locker room."

Kurt couldn't help but snort silently at Sebastian's confession. He grabbed the chair from the corner and placed it beside the bed, closer to Sebastian than how he'd usually sit.

"I miss my hair too." Sebastian whispered and Kurt felt his heart sink because of how broken he sounded. "I was actually growing it out... But now it's gone." Sebastian tried to smile but it quickly turned into a grimace and he just hid his face further into the pillow. After a while, Sebastian's shoulders started shaking and Kurt realized he was crying again.

Kurt didn't know what to say, feeling a sharp pain in his throat, and tears stinging his eyes; so he decided to just reach out and hold Sebastian's hand instead, hoping the touch itself would offer more comfort than any of his words ever could. Sebastian's hand felt cold and limp as Kurt put his own over it. Kurt held his breath as he touched Sebastian's hand, waiting for a reaction, but there was none. Sebastian didn't flinch away, or even open his eyes; he just stayed right were he was.

Kurt didn't know what to say, or what to do to help Sebastian's pain go away, but he knew he could at least be there for him. Kurt was going to stay there and hold his hand for as long as Sebastian would let him.

Kurt breathed in, waiting a few seconds before daring to curl his fingers around Sebastian's hand. Kurt felt relief wash over him when he felt Sebastian curl his fingers as well, holding Kurt's hand in a tight grip. Sebastian sniffled and brought his hand a little closer to his chest, dragging Kurt's hand along with it.

The room was completely silent after that; the only thing that could be heard in the room was the sound of Sebastian's heavy breathing. After a while, Sebastian's breathing evened out and Kurt wasn't sure if he was still awake or not. Sebastian's grasp on his hand had loosened considerably, but Kurt didn't want to let go, even if the way he was leaning over to reach Sebastian's hand was not very comfortable. Kurt decided to use his free hand to pull the chair a little closer so he could rest his head on the edge of the bed.

Kurt glanced at the clock in the wall and realized he still had about forty minutes until his dad was done, so he was going to stay with Sebastian, holding his hand in case he woke up. Kurt put his arm over the bed and rested his chin over it, looking at Sebastian up close and just wondering what he was going through. He was definitely sleeping now. So Kurt dared to close his eyes too, focusing on the sound of Sebastian's breathing and trying to relax.

Kurt dozed off for a couple of minutes, but then the sound of footsteps coming into the room startled him. Kurt glanced up and realized there where three people standing on the other side of the bed, staring at him. He felt himself blush as he recognized Sebastian's father. There was a blonde woman with green eyes standing next to him, and a guy about his age right beside her. The guy had the woman's same green eyes, but his hair was darker, and his eyes were fixed on where Sebastian and Kurt's hands were clasped together. Kurt felt his stomach drop when he connected the dots and realized they could be the aunt and cousin Sebastian told him about.

"You must be Kurt," Sebastian's dad said, walking over to the other side of the bed where Kurt was sitting. "I'm Sebastian's father, Joseph Smythe. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand towards Kurt and he had to awkwardly shake it with his left one, since he didn't want to let go of Sebastian for fear of waking him up.

"This is my sister, Helen and my nephew, Alex."

"Nice to meet you." Kurt whispered, sparing a quick glance at them before immediately looking at Sebastian. Kurt was relieved to see he wasn't moving. Sebastian seemed to be fast asleep, and Kurt hoped with all his heart that he would stay that way. With how bad he was feeling the last thing Sebastian needed in that moment was to see them.

"How is he doing?" Alex asked, looking expectantly at Kurt and at Sebastian's dad.

"Um..." Kurt didn't quite know what to say.

"He started a new treatment yesterday..." Sebastian's dad started, his voice low and quiet, clearly trying to keep it down and not wake Sebastian up, "He was in quite a bit of pain because of it. He must be exhausted, but these new drugs are supposed to make him feel better."

"He looks so pale, and so thin, oh Joseph..." The woman whispered, looking at Sebastian's dad with concern. Her eyes were teary and longing when she looked at Sebastian's sleeping form, and Kurt wondered if what she was feeling was guilt, since she had not been in good terms with Sebastian for such a long time.

"He was awake when I came here a while ago," Kurt stated, and they all turned their attention towards him. "But he wasn't feeling well, I think it's best if we let him sleep."

Kurt knew it wasn't any of his business, but he felt very protective of Sebastian all of the sudden, and he didn't want to see him stress, which he knew is what would happen if he woke up to find his aunt there. Luckily for Kurt, they all seemed to agree, because everyone stayed silent after that.

Sebastian's aunt and father whispered amongst themselves from time to time, but Kurt couldn't quite make up what they were saying. Meanwhile, Alex just stayed in the corner, leaning against the window and looking down at Sebastian. Every now and then Kurt would catch Alex looking at him and Kurt wondered if the fact that he was holding Sebastian's hand bothered him. The guy didn't look judgmental though, he mostly just looked worried, or sad, it was hard to tell.

After a few more minutes, Sebastian's aunt excused herself. "I think we should get going now."

"Already?" Sebastian's father seemed disappointed.

"Yes, we need to go now if we want to make it to the twelve o'clock service." She said apologetically, "Alex is singing with the youth choir today, so we need to be there early."

"Okay, I understand." Mr. Smythe replied, "I'll walk you back to the car."

Before leaving, Sebastian's aunt spared one last glance at Kurt, who was still holding Sebastian's hand. Kurt stared right into her eyes, trying to read them, but she just gave him an awkward smile and said: "It was nice meeting you, Kurt."

Kurt wished he could say the same.

Mr. Smythe asked Kurt if he was going to stay for a while longer, and Kurt told him that probably not, since his dad would be done with his treatment soon and he would have to leave. So Sebastian's dad said his goodbyes to Kurt in case he was gone by the time he made it back to the room.

And then Kurt was alone with Sebastian again, and all Kurt could do was look at him and rub circles with his fingers over Sebastian's hand. Sebastian was sleeping, but his expression wasn't peaceful. His brows were slightly creased, and Kurt couldn't help but wonder just how much pain he was in.

Kurt's phone buzzed inside his pocket and he let go of Sebastian's hand so he could pick up. Sebastian shuffled under the covers, but didn't wake up. Kurt took a few steps back so he could answer the call.

"Dad?"

_"Hey kiddo, I'm all done. Where are you?"_

"I'm still with Sebastian." Kurt whispered. "But um... I'll meet you at the benches, okay?"

_"Great, see you there." _

Kurt hung up and looked at Sebastian, still in the bed, unmoving. He walked back to the side of the bed slowly and that's when he saw Sebastian's gray beanie peeking out from under the covers. Kurt reached for it slowly, pulling it out and carefully putting it over Sebastian's head. He didn't quite manage to put it on correctly, not wanting to risk waking Sebastian up with the hassle, but at least this way his head wouldn't get cold.

Kurt didn't know how he was going to work this out, but he decided right then and there, that this week he would visit Sebastian every day.

"I'll see you tomorrow Sebastian." Kurt whispered before leaving.

* * *

On Monday, Kurt decided he would take the morning to work on Carole's birthday party preparations, and go visit Sebastian in the afternoon. Kurt hoped that would give him the time to run early errands and visit several flower shops, and it would also give Sebastian some space to hopefully feel a little better before getting another visit from him.

Plus, Kurt knew Mrs. Smythe would already be back from Illinois by then, and so he wasn't too worried about Sebastian being alone.

When Kurt was getting ready to go to the hospital, he packed his bag with some of his DVD collections. He had Grey's Anatomy, and LOST, not sure which one Sebastian would like more. He also packed his Jenga again, in case Sebastian was feeling up to play a round or two.

Unfortunately when Kurt got to the hospital, Sebastian was asleep and he didn't wake up for the entire time he was there to visit. Mrs. Smythe was there though, and so Kurt ended up keeping her company instead. According to what she said, Sebastian had been in a lot of pain, and the medicine the doctors gave him to help him through it knocked him out completely. Mrs. Smythe promised Kurt she would tell Sebastian that he had visited, and Kurt decided to leave his DVDs with her.

* * *

On Tuesday morning, Kurt went to the hospital with his dad again and was more than happy to find Sebastian awake and going through season 1 of LOST. Sebastian greeted Kurt with a shy smile as he walked into the room, but Kurt could tell he still wasn't feeling very well. His skin color was back to normal, but Sebastian looked very pale. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked completely exhausted. If Kurt didn't know better, he could even think Sebastian hadn't slept in days.

Sebastian told Kurt that he had never actually watched Grey's Anatomy before, but that LOST was one of his favorite shows. Kurt decided not to ask Sebastian about the chemo, or how he was feeling, figuring he would rather talk about something else. After talking a little bit about the show and how hot Matthew Fox was, they just sat in companionable silence, watching the episode and commenting on it every now and then. Everything was going great, but before the episode was over Sebastian had fallen asleep again.

Kurt left the next episode running on the DVD player before heading back downstairs to meet with his dad.

Later that afternoon, when Kurt was home going over some recipes for Carole's cake, he got a text from Sebastian.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:**_

_**Sorry I fell asleep on you. Thanks for the DVDs.**_

Kurt smiled, and quickly composed a reply.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:**_

_**Don't worry about it, hope you enjoy them :)**_

* * *

On Wednesday, Kurt was debating whether to visit Sebastian in the morning or the afternoon. But then his dad told him he needed to run some errands and asked Kurt to drive him, so Kurt had to go in the afternoon instead.

With how many times Kurt drove to and back from Cleveland, it didn't seem to be as far as it was anymore. Later that afternoon when Kurt went to the hospital again, he was happy to find Mrs. Smythe sitting on Sebastian's bedside, reading a book.

Sebastian seemed to be asleep, so Kurt knocked softly on the door even though it was opened just so Mrs. Smythe would look up at him. She smiled excitedly and motioned for Kurt to come in. Kurt slowly walked into the room and Sebastian's mom got up from her chair to greet him with a hug.

"How is he?" Kurt whispered and Mrs. Smythe turned to look at her son, shaking her head.

"He is a fighter. But, he's just tired."

"I'm a what?" Sebastian groaned, stretching his arms and wincing a bit.

"Honey you're awake! Kurt is here."

"Hey Kurt." Sebastian yawned, and Kurt smiled when he realized Sebastian looked a little better than the day before.

"I have to go to the pharmacy to get some of your prescriptions," Mrs. Smythe said, reaching out for her purse, "I will be right back baby. Don't forget to call the nurse if you need to-"

"Mom!" Sebastian cut her off.

"Just promise me."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, seemingly mortified and Kurt was confused, not really getting what was going on. Mrs. Smythe didn't leave the room until Sebastian promised her that he wouldn't get out of bed.

And then they were alone, but Sebastian seemed annoyed at what his mother had said.

"So, did you finish season one?" Kurt asked, trying to break the tension. Sebastian looked up at him and smiled.

"Not really... I've been meaning to, but I keep dozing off."

"What episode are you in?"

"Four." Sebastian confessed, and they both laughed at that.

"It's okay... season one is the best anyway."

"That's true." Sebastian agreed.

Mrs. Smythe was away for almost an hour, giving them time to have a nice conversation about LOST and other TV related topics. Kurt then told Sebastian about Carole's party on Saturday, and about all the plans he had to make the night unforgettable for her. Sebastian asked Kurt if his parents were divorced and so Kurt told him about how his mom died when he was eight. Sebastian gave Kurt his sympathies, visibly regretting bringing up the topic, but Kurt assured him that it was okay.

Sebastian remained thoughtful for a while, and then he told Kurt about how his parents almost divorced when he was ten, but how they seemed to be okay now. Kurt talked to Sebastian about New York and how excited he was about going to NYADA in the fall. Sebastian confessed sadly that he was ready to fail his senior year, but that he hoped he could still get into Columbia even if the whole cancer thing pushed him back a year. Kurt tried to encourage him to study and try to see if he could graduate this year, but Sebastian didn't think he could pull it off with how bad he was feeling all the time.

Before they knew it the conversation turned really personal and Kurt appreciated the bits and pieces he came to know about Sebastian's life during the time they got to spend together. Like how Sebastian wanted to be an architect, and how he had a cat named Lily.

The truth is that with each day that passed, they were starting to trust each other and enjoy being in each other's company a lot, something that a couple of months ago would have seemed ridiculous to the both of them. Sebastian seemed at ease around him and Kurt was glad to be able to make Sebastian's time at the hospital less lonely. Visiting Sebastian during Burt's radiation treatments also helped Kurt get out of the dreadful waiting room, and for that he was grateful.

In the middle of their conversation Sebastian reached up to his head to adjust his beanie and Kurt noticed a huge purple bruise in his forearm.

"Oh my god, what happened to your arm?" Kurt asked, horrified.

"What, this? It's nothing." Sebastian tried, but Kurt was sure a bruise that big couldn't be 'nothing'.

"It looks painful."

"Looks worse than it feels," Sebastian sighed, "I just tripped... that's what my mom was going on about."

Kurt nodded, and Sebastian showed him his left wrist, where he had a yellow bracelet that read FALL RISK in dark black lettering.

"This shit is just so dramatic!" Sebastian ranted, "I didn't faint or anything, I just tripped and hurt my arm. Now I can't take a piss without having a nurse walk me to the bathroom."

Sebastian seemed to be really frustrated about his situation.

"Well, at least they didn't give you a diaper." Kurt remarked, causing Sebastian to burst into laughter.

Kurt was glad to at least make Sebastian smile every once in a while.

* * *

Hours later, when Kurt got back home, he was greeted by quite the unexpected scene. Finn, Sam and Blaine were sitting in his dining room table, drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies.

Kurt didn't miss the way Blaine's eyes scanned him all over as he walked into the house and hung his coat in the hall. Luckily for Kurt, no one asked him where he had been, and he was able to join them in their conversation.

Finn wanted the Glee club to perform a special song for his mom, but that meant adding more guests to the already tight list of people they had enough budget to invite. There were people in the list Kurt didn't really know: a couple of freshmen and new Glee club members that apparently Finn had grown fond of.

Blaine asked Kurt if he wanted to sing with him, going on and on about how lovely it would be to add a duet to the night's repertoire of songs, but as much as it pained him, Kurt said that he would be too busy with everything else going on at the party.

Kurt tried really hard to ignore the uncomfortable guilty feeling he got when he saw the way Blaine's face fell as he declined his invitation to sing with him.

Sam and Blaine stayed for a long time, going over the remaining details of the songs they had already been practicing for the party with Finn. Carole invited them to stay for dinner but Blaine didn't stay. Kurt just hoped it wasn't because of how awkward things currently were between them.

* * *

On Thursday, when Kurt got to Sebastian's room, he noticed the TV was on but Sebastian wasn't looking at it. Kurt thought Sebastian was asleep because he was lying down, with his back towards the door, facing the windows. However, when Kurt walked into the room to turn off the volume of the TV, he realized that Sebastian was awake. Kurt stood in the foot of the bed, waiting for Sebastian to acknowledge him, but Sebastian seemed deep in thought as he stared at nothing in particular.

"Sebastian?" Kurt asked, quietly, but Sebastian didn't respond.

Kurt felt uncomfortable just standing there, it seemed as if Sebastian hadn't even heard him. Then without warning, Sebastian was sitting up quickly and throwing up into a container Kurt hadn't even noticed he was holding under the covers.

Kurt froze as Sebastian heaved over the small metal plate. He didn't know what to do, so he left his bag in the corner and quickly walked over to Sebastian, handing him a tissue from the bedside table for him to wipe his mouth.

"Fuck..." Sebastian hissed, "I'm sorry... ugh."

Kurt handed him one of the water bottles but Sebastian turned it down.

"I can't." He mumbled before heaving again, only this time, he didn't throw up. It seemed like Sebastian's stomach was completely empty, yet his body still convulsed violently with the urge to vomit.

Sebastian fell back on the bed and pushed the button to call a nurse. Soon enough a nurse came to take away the metal plate and bring a new one.

Sebastian curled up on his side, and Kurt could see he was slightly shaking. He didn't understand how Sebastian could be so sick today when he seemed to be doing better the previous day.

Kurt just sat on the foot of the bed and waited for Sebastian to recover. After a few minutes Sebastian turned to rest on his back again, looked at Kurt and said: "Let's just pretend that never happened, okay?"

"Okay." Kurt smiled, "Are you sure you don't want some water?"

"I don't know," Sebastian sighed, "Sometimes water makes me nauseous too."

They stayed silent for a few moments before Sebastian started sitting up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go brush my teeth." Sebastian stated, and when he threw his legs off the bed Kurt stood up and helped him up.

"Aren't you supposed to um... call a nurse?" Kurt stammered.

"I'm fine."

"Sebastian..."

"Kurt."

They just stared at each other for a couple of seconds. "I'm not calling a nurse." Sebastian deadpanned.

Kurt couldn't believe Sebastian was being so stubborn. "Well, then _I'm_ walking you to the bathroom." Kurt stated, grabbing Sebastian's arm and curling it around his own so he could support his weight on him.

Sebastian just rolled his eyes. "Fine, _mom!_"

"What's going on?"

Kurt and Sebastian both turned around to find Mrs. Smythe standing in the doorway, eyes wide and holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Sebastian what are you doing up?"

"Kurt is helping me go brush my teeth." Sebastian stated, walking towards the bathroom and Kurt had no choice but to go with him. "Its fine, mom."

Kurt realized Sebastian wasn't really leaning on him as he took small steps towards the bathroom, but he still kept his grip strong on his arm in case Sebastian tripped or anything. As Sebastian leaned down on the sink to rinse his mouth, Kurt caught a look of Mrs. Smythe's reflection on the mirror. She was smiling fondly, and Kurt wondered for a moment why that was.

Time flew by and Kurt spent almost an hour with the Smythes, talking to them excitedly about the party and everything he was doing. When it was almost time for his dad to be done, Kurt left with the promise of bringing them some of the cake so they could try it. Sebastian's mom was more than excited to try Kurt's cake and made him promise to take a lot of pictures from the party as well.

Kurt got to the first floor just in time to catch his dad leaving the clinic.

* * *

Kurt spent all Friday running around with last minute preparations. He just needed to leave everything ready that day because they wouldn't have enough time for anything else on Saturday. His dad had to go to the hospital and that meant they would be away practically until noon.

Kurt was happy, humming to his favorite songs as he baked the three-level cake for the party. He decided to use one of the smaller molds to make a small cake for Sebastian and his mom.

By the time Kurt finished, he had the big cake ready for the party, and a miniature version of it, decorated exactly the same, for Sebastian and his mom. Kurt smiled, hoping that they would like it.

He snapped a picture of it and texted it to Sebastian vía Facebook. Sebastian's response was unusually fast, and Kurt wondered if he was feeling better, of if the picture of the cake had anything to do with it.

**Kurt:** The cake is done... voilá! _(Picture attached)_

**Sebastian:** Is that thing even edible? It looks unreal.

**Kurt:** Of course! It's just an edible work of art ;)

**Sebastian:** How did you even learn how to do that?

**Kurt:** If I give you my secret, I'd have to kill you.

**Sebastian:** I don't need to know, just bring me my cake.

**Kurt:** You'll get it tomorrow ;)

**Sebastian:** Fine!

This party was a lot of work, but Kurt was happy and had everything ready, even if he finished with the last minute arrangements almost at one in the morning. He hated that he was only going to get a few hours of sleep, but he was too excited to care about anything else.

Saturday morning was tougher than Kurt thought it would be, he didn't know if it was the exhaustion of the busy week catching up with him, or if he was coming down with something, but Kurt was just incredibly tired. Even the drive to the hospital felt longer than usual, and so the first thing Kurt did when he got to Sebastian's room, after putting his bag and the cake in the corner table, was to flop over the feet of the bed, announcing he was taking a nap.

Sebastian started wiggling his feet, shaking Kurt and making it impossible for him to sleep.

"I want my cake... come on Kurt, give it to me!"

"Ughhh... stop it." Kurt groaned, smacking Sebastian's feet so he would stop moving them, but he didn't stop.

Suddenly, Sebastian got up from the bed, and once Kurt realized what he had done, he bolted towards Sebastian. Kurt's intent was to hold Sebastian to keep him from standing up alone, but the force of his sudden movement made them lose their balance and they ended up falling back on the bed.

"Oh my fucking god you're crazy!" Sebastian laughed.

"You're not supposed to do that!" Kurt squeaked, quickly getting off from where he'd fallen on top of Sebastian.

"So you just throw me back into the bed? Real smooth Kurt. Real smooth."

"Shut up. I'll get your cake!" Kurt said, trying to ignore how hot his face felt all of the sudden.

Sebastian just rolled his eyes and laughed as he sat back on the bed. Kurt held the cake in front of Sebastian but took it back every time he tried to reach for it.

"You can't eat it yet."

"Why not?"

"Because your mom needs to see it first. If you eat it without her, it will be ruined. I worked hard on this Sebastian."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, "You're evil... but okay, whatever."

Kurt put the cake back in the corner, and then went back to Sebastian's bed, lying down just like he was before. "Kick me again and I'll take away your cake." He threatened, and Sebastian just laughed.

* * *

Meanwhile in the first floor, Burt was done with his treatment for the day.

"You're all set Mr. Hummel." The nurse announced, helping Burt get down from the radiotherapy machine.

"Thanks." Burt said, walking towards the changing room, where he'd left his clothes. Once he got dressed again he took out his phone and realized it was almost twenty minutes earlier than usual. Burt smiled, happy to be able to leave a bit earlier, since they still had a lot to do for the party.

He knew even though it was only twenty or fifteen minutes, it could still make a big difference if they left quickly and Kurt would appreciate having more time to get ready for the party. However, when he got to the waiting room, Kurt was nowhere in sight.

Burt tried calling once, twice, and three times; but Kurt wasn't picking up the phone. Burt looked around and then glanced up at the clock in the wall before calling Kurt for a fourth time. When the call went to voicemail again, Burt was getting incredibly frustrated.

* * *

_"Nothing's gonna change my woooorlddddd... nothing's gonna change my world!_

_Jai guruuuu deeevaaaa ooommmmm!"_

"Ughhh... you are killing me." Kurt groaned, covering his ears.

"I'm trying to sing you a lullaby, Kurt." Sebastian snorted before continuing his loud singing: "Nothing's gonna change my wooorld!"

"You sound like you're being strangled."

Sebastian laughed out loud. "You've been sleeping for the past twenty minutes, and you're supposed to be keeping me company. I'm bored."

Kurt looked up at Sebastian, and then took the pillow he was resting in and threw it at him.

"Hey! What was that for?" Sebastian protested, running his hand over his head like the pillow had hurt him. "My head is sensitive!" He said, throwing the pillow back at Kurt.

"Where's your beanie?" Kurt asked.

"Threw up on it... so mom took it to the laundry."

"Ew…" Kurt frowned, "But… do you only have one?"

"Yeah."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "When you get out of here, I'm taking you shopping for some new ones."

Sebastian was about to protest, but then his phone started ringing. He just glanced at it briefly and then turned back to Kurt.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know the number, so... no." Sebastian shrugged.

The phone started ringing for a second time, and this time Sebastian didn't even look at it.

"It could be important." Kurt said, walking over to the bedside and grabbing Sebastian's phone.

"Don't answer!" Sebastian warned, smacking him with the pillow repeatedly. But Kurt remained frozen as he recognized his father's number flashing through the screen.

"Dad?"

_"Kurt, finally! What's wrong with your phone? I've been calling you for ages."_

Kurt was completely startled.

"Sorry, I left it in my bag." Kurt said, walking over to the corner table and taking his phone out of his bag. He had 6 missed calls from his dad. "How did you-?"

_"You weren't picking up, so I had to call Blaine and ask him for Sebastian's number."_

Kurt felt like the entire world had fallen over him.

_"Anyway, I'm done... and we should really get going, Kurt."_

"Y-yeah... okay. I'm... I'm coming." Kurt stammered, dread pooling in his gut as he realized what his dad had just done.

When Kurt turned to see Sebastian, he was frowning, looking confused.

"How did your dad get my number?"


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's note: **__I just want to thank everyone for the amazing feedback on last chapter. Thank you to everyone who has followed and favorited this story, and especially those kind enough to leave reviews with encouraging words. You're all so amazing!_

_Special thanks to my friend Lari for being my accomplice for this story, she is too awesome for words._

_Hope you all enjoy this chapter._

* * *

Kurt walked over to Sebastian's bedside and gave him back his phone.

"Kurt... How did your dad get my number?" Sebastian asked again.

"Um... I gave it to him," Kurt lied, "Last Friday, when I came here for the support group."

Sebastian looked at him warily and nodded silently before putting his phone in the bedside table again. Sebastian seemed to believe Kurt, and he tried to smile as best as he could as they said their goodbyes. It wasn't until Kurt was in the hallway, running towards the elevators that he let himself panic.

As he went down in the elevator to meet his dad, Kurt knew he shouldn't have lied to Sebastian, but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't know what his dad said to Blaine, and he needed to find that out first, so he could figure out what to do about it.

"Ready to go?" Burt asked, as Kurt walked up to him in the lobby.

"Dad, what did you tell Blaine?"

Burt frowned, surprised by Kurt's sudden question. "What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him? When you called." Kurt begged, and Burt just frowned, visibly puzzled by his son's distraught state.

"I just asked if he had the Smythe kid's number, cause I was trying to reach you but you weren't answering your phone."

Kurt sighed, "And... Did he ask anything?"

"No." Burt squinted his eyes. "What's going on Kurt? Why are you so upset?"

Kurt didn't know how to explain. His dad hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't his fault that Kurt hadn't told him about Sebastian's situation and how he didn't want anyone to know. Kurt was kicking himself for even mentioning that Sebastian was a Warbler in the first place. Now Blaine knew Kurt was with Sebastian and that could go wrong in so many ways.

So as they drove back to Lima, Kurt decided to tell his dad everything. Well, _almost _everything.

"You should have told me sooner." Burt said, after hearing everything Kurt had to say.

"I know. I'm sorry dad."

"Hey... You have nothing to be sorry about." Burt told him, squeezing Kurt's shoulder affectionately, "Look... I understand if Sebastian asked you to keep this a secret but Kurt, you have to realize things like these can't be kept a secret for long. And besides, you are not doing anything wrong, so you shouldn't be hiding."

Kurt hated how right his dad was, because no matter how much sense he was making, Kurt still felt guilty as hell. Kurt just hoped he could talk to Blaine about this before he talked to anyone else. But what was he going to say? Kurt knew he should have probably told Sebastian, maybe he could have helped him come up with something to tell Blaine, but Kurt really didn't want to make him stress. Sebastian had enough things to stress about as it was; Kurt needed to figure this one out on his own.

.

Kurt knew seeing Blaine that day would be inevitable because he was going to be at Carole's birthday party; but what Kurt never expected was for Blaine to already be at his house when he and his dad returned from the hospital.

Finn had Sam, Brittany and Blaine helping him move furniture and things around the house. They had to get a few things out and take them to the garage, so the four of them were making themselves busy.

The minute Kurt made eye contact with Blaine the tension between them was obvious. It was like Blaine's feelings were written all over his face, but he didn't say anything. Kurt could tell Blaine was trying really hard to keep it casual as he politely said hi to both him and his dad.

Burt saw what Finn and the rest of the guys were doing and offered to help, but Kurt quickly stopped him. He knew his dad felt excited about the party and was eager to help, but he needed to take care of himself after just receiving radiation. Burt started protesting but fortunately, Carole came outside and sided with Kurt, making Burt roll his eyes and hastily go up the stairs to his room.

Blaine just gave Kurt a quick once over and a tight smile before going back to helping Finn with what he needed. Kurt breathed in and bit his lip, feeling the tension escalating inside him as Blaine walked away. Kurt knew he had to figure out how to breach the subject with him at some point that day; he just hoped he could work things out in his head first.

The afternoon flew by in the midst of the rush of getting everything ready for the party. Finn had taken care of a lot of things while Kurt and Burt had been away, so Kurt was able to focus on the decoration, placing the lights and the floral arrangements around the house with help from Brittany and Tina, who had arrived early to help as well. Later, the rental company arrived to deliver the tables and chairs, and so Kurt and Finn were able to finish arranging the final details for the party, like the surprise chocolate fountain Burt had ordered for Carole.

They were running out of time, and as stressful as that was, Kurt couldn't help but be a little glad in a way because everybody was running up and down rushing to get everything ready and that meant there was no time or opportunity for Blaine and him to be alone. However, every once in a while, Kurt would catch Blaine looking at him and that made him feel a little nervous, especially because every time they made eye contact Blaine quickly looked away.

Kurt felt a mixture of anxiety, guilt and dread, and he never imagined he could feel like that around Blaine, the boy he used to love more than anything else. Kurt didn't like it, and he knew he needed to do something about it. He just wasn't sure what he was going to do.

Soon enough, everything was done and ready for the party. The house decorations nicely in place, the food set and ready in the kitchen, all tables and chairs in place, and the dim white and purple lights around the house and the backyard created a perfect mood for what was surely going to be an unforgettable evening.

As Finn and the rest of the guys were doing final sound checks for their musical numbers in the back of the house, Kurt was able to escape upstairs to check on his dad. He carefully opened the door of his room and found Burt sleeping in the bed. He looked so peaceful that Kurt decided to let him rest for a couple of more minutes until it was time for them to get ready for the guests to arrive.

However, as Kurt was about to close the door behind him, he heard his dad calling after him. Kurt came back into the room as his dad stretched out his arms and yawned, shifting in the bed and sitting up.

"Is everything okay?" Burt asked, sleepily.

"Yes, everything's ready dad, I just wanted to check up on you."

"I fell asleep."

"I know... How are you feeling?"

"I'm good."

Kurt smiled, walking over and sitting down in the bed next to his dad.

"Everything's ready then?"

"Yes, you can go back to sleep if you want dad. People won't start coming around until maybe an hour or so."

"Nah, I should probably take a shower to wake myself up properly or I'm gonna be sleepy at the party."

"I'm going to take a shower too." Kurt admitted with a tired smile.

Burt stared at him for a while before ducking his head questioningly. "Are you okay? Did you talk to Blaine?"

Kurt shook his head, and sighed. "Not yet."

Burt just nodded, studying Kurt's face for a couple of seconds before speaking up again. "Is he still downstairs?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then..." Burt said, getting up from the bed and squeezing Kurt's shoulder affectionately. "Maybe you should talk to him before the party starts. Get things out of your mind so you can enjoy the party."

Kurt sighed nervously.

"Look, Blaine's a good kid, and I bet he'll understand... Just be honest with him."

Kurt pressed his lips tightly and tried to smile as his dad retreated to the bathroom. He stayed alone and deep in thought for a couple of minutes, thinking about what his dad just said. Kurt only wished things could be less complicated.

_"No matter what, no matter where, even if we're not together; we're always gonna be there for each other." _

Those had been Blaine's words on Christmas, and Kurt realized if there was a time where he could put them to the test, it was right now. He and Blaine were supposed to be working on being friends again; and this could be just one more step in that direction.

Kurt felt a new resolve forming inside him as he thought about the situation for a moment. His dad did have a point; it would be better to talk to Blaine before the party started, so Kurt made up his mind.

_He could do this. _Kurt breathed in and made his way downstairs, looking for Blaine. However, as he walked out to the back yard he noticed Finn was alone.

"Where did everyone go?" Kurt asked; feeling puzzled.

"They went over to Sam's place, to shower and change I guess." Finn replied, putting the microphone in its place.

"Oh... okay." Kurt didn't now if he should feel relieved or disappointed. So he decided to worry about it later, and go to his room to get ready. He would have to talk to Blaine later, probably after the party.

So Kurt returned upstairs and went to his room. He had his outfit ready since the night before. Burt, Finn and Kurt would wear purple ties to match Carole's white and purple dress. Kurt had bought them himself and even though each tie had different patterns, they were all the same tone. Everything was perfect.

Soon enough the guests started arriving and Kurt made himself busy playing host for the night. Most of the guests were family and close friends, people Kurt knew and felt comfortable with.

The party was by no means anything big, but everything was just perfect. Despite how exhausted and nervous Kurt was feeling, just looking at Carole's face when she saw everything was more than worth it. Burt's face was a different matter completely. Kurt could see in his dad's eyes how happy he was to make Carole's birthday extra-special, and Kurt was proud of himself for being able to help him do this for the woman he loved.

Throughout the evening, Kurt would glance around the place and more often than not, he would catch Blaine looking at him. Every time they made eye contact Kurt could feel his stomach flip a little, and not in the love-butterflies and giddy excitement way. Kurt could sense that Blaine wanted to talk to him as well, but the moment wasn't right. Kurt was too busy hosting the party to even want to approach Blaine and have the dreaded conversation about Sebastian.

Everyone loved the party and complimented them on the decoration and everything from the flowers to the lights and the music. Carole directed all the praise towards Kurt and Finn, or "her boys" as she called them. For a while, Kurt was so happy that he was able to forget about his nerves and worries regarding the situation with Blaine and Sebastian.

After serving the food, Finn and the New Directions took the stage and performed a few songs. In the middle of their performance, Finn invited Burt up to the stage so they could say a few words for Carole, toasting in her honor and making both Carole and many of the guests shed more than a few tears.

After that, Burt and Carole slow danced as their family and friends watched them with adoring fascination. The way they held each other as they danced just showed how in love they were, and the sight warmed the hearts of everyone around them. It was obvious that Carole's sisters and mother were happy to see her with Burt. After the song ended, Finn stepped in so he could have a dance with his mom and Burt walked over to where Kurt was to stand beside him as they watched Carole and Finn dancing together.

The guests were standing in a circle as Finn danced with Carole, and it was such a heartwarming sight to witness.

Suddenly Burt put his hand over Kurt's shoulder, and Kurt turned to face him, expecting his dad to maybe tell him something, but instead Burt just walked slowly away from him. Kurt didn't think much of it, guessing maybe his dad wanted to grab something to drink but when Kurt turned to the food station he realized his dad wasn't there.

Kurt frowned, looking around, searching for his dad as the rest of the guests were focused on watching Finn and Carole dance. His dad was nowhere in sight. Why did he leave? Had he gone back inside? Kurt decided to go look for him and see if his dad needed anything.

As soon as Kurt stepped into the house he saw his dad in the staircase, his body leaning heavily over the railing. Kurt felt his stomach drop to his feet and ran towards him.

"Dad!" Kurt panicked as he reached for his dad, trying to help him. Kurt wanted to get him off the stairs so he could sit down, but Burt didn't manage to stay standing and they ended up sitting back in the stairs instead.

Burt winced as they sat down and Kurt didn't want to panic but he didn't understand what was happening. His heart beat fast inside his chest as he searched his dad's face for answers.

"Dad, what's wrong... Are you in pain?"

"No... No." Burt tried, but his face betrayed him.

"Dad please..." Kurt begged.

"I'm just tired..." Burt tried to brush off but then he winced again. "It's hurting a little... but I'm fine." he confessed, motioning to his lower abdomen, and Kurt immediately knew the pain must be from the radiation he received that morning.

"Do you want me to call the-"

"No! Kurt, I'm fine..." Burt insisted, "I just need to take a break... maybe lie down for a bit."

Kurt narrowed his eyes, not really believing what his dad was saying. Kurt was worried, he knew his dad sometimes felt a little discomfort after getting his treatments but he had never gotten like this before. Kurt felt worry consume him as his dad tried to get up but ended up falling back on him. Kurt was having a hard time keeping his balance in the small space of the stair they were standing on, but he managed to help his dad up the stairs and take him to his room.

Burt kept saying he was fine and trying to dissuade Kurt from wanting to call his doctor, or an ambulance. But Kurt didn't know if his dad was saying that just because he didn't want to ruin Carole's party.

Burt lied down and Kurt sat beside him, reaching out for the bedside table to get his dad's pain medicine. Burt took the pills and reached for another pillow, closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath.

Kurt felt something twist inside him at the sight of his dad in the bed with his eyes closed. Suddenly the reality of his condition hit him like a ton of bricks.

_Was something going wrong with the treatment? Was the tumor not responding to the radiation? Was the cancer spreading?_

All those thoughts were suffocating him and for a minute Kurt was sure he was going to be sick. Suddenly Burt opened his eyes and stared at him, annoyed. "Kurt, I'm fine. Leave me here and go back to the party, please... I don't want to worry anyone."

Kurt shook his head in disbelief.

"Look, I promise if I feel anything else I'll call you okay?" Burt said, pulling out his phone from his pocket. "Now go, you have a party to look after."

"Dad I can't just leave you here." Kurt muttered, his voice cracking with concern.

"If you don't go back downstairs, then I will." Burt threatened with a tiny smile, trying to reassure Kurt that he was fine. "Just go back to the party will ya? And tell Carole I'll be back in a few minutes, I don't want her to worry over nothing."

Burt was smiling widely then and Kurt tried to smile too, but he couldn't just brush off his concerns. So he hastily got up from the bed and promised his dad he would be back in 15 minutes to check up on him again. Burt just rolled his eyes and waved him off.

When Kurt walked out of the room and closed the door he took a moment to just lean against it and breathe. He felt his chest tight with concern and frustration. In all honesty, going back to the party was the last thing he wanted to do. He wished he could just take his dad to the hospital and demand the doctors tell him what was going on.

After a few moments Kurt saw Finn walk into the house and so he quickly walked down the stairs to talk to him. Finn asked him about Burt and so Kurt told him a little bit about what happened. Finn was a bit startled but Kurt tried his best to sound convincing so Finn wouldn't worry Carole. He would talk to her later and they could both go check on his dad.

Finn went back outside and Kurt walked over to the kitchen to get something to drink and calm himself down a little before heading back to face the guests and the party. He poured himself a glass of water and downed it quickly, resting his hands over the kitchen island and sitting down in one of the chairs.

He could faintly hear the music coming from the back of the house, and the chatter of a few people coming from down the hallway. Kurt guessed no one had noticed what happened with his dad and he felt a little relieved about it. He didn't want people asking him questions he couldn't and didn't want to answer about his dad's condition. The truth was, Kurt had never felt so powerless and uncertain about anything in his life. It was terrifying.

"Kurt?"

Blaine's voice shook him out of his thoughts, and Kurt was a little startled when he glanced up and saw him standing in the doorway. Kurt swallowed nervously, wondering how long had Blaine been standing there, watching him.

Kurt tried to smile but it came out as a kind of grimace. Blaine shifted awkwardly where he stood for a couple of seconds before slowly walking into the kitchen.

"Is everything okay?"

Kurt pressed his lips tightly and tried to smile again, "Yeah, I'm just a little... tired, uh-overwhelmed, I guess."

Blaine nodded as he leaned against the counter across where Kurt was sitting down. The room suddenly felt dead silent, the only thing Kurt could hear was the sound of Blaine's fingers tapping in the counter. With every silent second that passed, Kurt's stress increased. He had been trying not to freak out about his dad and what happened but now Blaine was there and he was just _standing there... _It was unnerving, because Blaine was looking at him but not quite saying anything.

Kurt's discomfort must have been evident, and he knew Blaine noticed, because any other time they wouldn't really have trouble starting a conversation but now they just sat there, across from one another in uncomfortable silence.

"I uh... I actually was wondering if we could talk." Blaine blurted out, suddenly serious, and Kurt felt like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Kurt knew having this conversation was inevitable, but he really wished they could do it some other time when he wasn't already feeling like crying.

"Blaine... I know you want to talk, but..." Kurt heaved a sigh, "Right now just... I just don't think it's a good time."

Blaine didn't say anything; he just bit his lip, staring intently at Kurt, who was feeling his skin prickle with unease under the other boy's scrutiny. Kurt was just waiting for him to speak again when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

He quickly got it out, thinking maybe it was his dad, calling him from upstairs, but as it turns out, it wasn't his dad. He had two new texts messages from Sebastian.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:**_

_**The cake is dead and gone! **_

Attached to the message there was a picture of the empty plate where Kurt had placed the cake, with crumbs and small pieces of the white and purple fondant scattered on it.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:**_

_**Mom loved it, though she was slightly disappointed at how small the portion was, especially since you knew we had to share it. Poor dad couldn't even try it!**_

As much as he wanted to keep a straight face, Kurt couldn't stop his lip from curling up in a small smile. He knew Mrs. Smythe would never say that, it was obviously Sebastian's way of asking him for more cake without actually admitting to liking it.

Kurt shook his head and put his phone away, and when he glanced up at Blaine again his expression had changed completely. Blaine looked visibly upset, and that made Kurt's chest tighten again.

"Was that Sebastian?" Blaine asked quietly, and the expression of his face reminded Kurt of that time when they had argued over Chandler. Kurt tried to push those memories away, taking a deep breath before responding.

"Yes."

There was no use on trying to deny it, so that was the only thing he said. Kurt looked at Blaine straight in the eye and just braced himself for what was about to come. A couple of seconds that felt like hours passed as Blaine just looked around the kitchen, avoiding Kurt's gaze before speaking up again.

"So... You and Sebastian?"

"What about me and Sebastian, Blaine?"

Blaine huffed. "Come on Kurt."

Kurt stayed silent, biting the inside of his cheek, waiting for Blaine to make his point. Kurt just had no idea of what Blaine was thinking about him and Sebastian, so he wanted to wait before saying anything.

"You know all those times I wanted to go with you and your dad to the hospital?" Blaine said, shaking his head. "I never understood why you didn't want me to go with you."

Kurt breathed in, Blaine looked so sad and betrayed that he was just at a loss of what to do.

"You should have just told me."

"Blaine..."

"Are you dating him?"

Kurt just sighed, shaking his head. He felt a wave of unease settle in his stomach. He didn't want to lie, but what could he say without revealing Sebastian's secret?

"Um... No."

Blaine squinted his eyes and looked at him in complete disbelief, "So... Are you just hooking up with him then? Is that it?"

Kurt almost choked on his own breath. "E-excuse me?"

"Look, Kurt... I know how Sebastian is, okay? I thought you did too. What are you even doing with him?" Blaine's sad demeanor from before had completely turned into anger now.

"Blaine, you don't underst-"

"How can I understand something that doesn't make any sense?" Blaine fumed, pressing his hands to his temples as he spoke. "I just can't comprehend how you can be with Sebastian. Sebastian Smythe, of all people! After everything he did..." Kurt just gaped as Blaine ranted, not even letting him speak. "And after all the horrible things he called you. Kurt you know he is just the worst kind of-"

"Okay, first of all, it's not like that Blaine!" Kurt cut him off, raising his voice. "And second, why are you saying those things about Sebastian? You have no idea of what-"

"Oh my god this is_ golden!"_ Blaine interrupted, laughing bitterly.

"What?"

"You're defending him now... You're actually _defending_ Sebastian, after everything that..." Blaine suddenly stopped talking and his eyes went wide, like he had a realization in the middle of his sentence.

"Are you doing this to get back at me?" Blaine sneered, and in that moment Kurt felt the uneasiness he previously felt in his stomach spread to his chest and shake him all over.

"Are you _serious_ right now?" Kurt snapped, feeling angrier than he ever had in years.

"Yes, I'm serious!" He deadpanned, "I mean of _all_ people... All people you could possibly... Just..." Blaine seemed at a loss for words, "Why Sebastian?"

Blaine looked like he was about to burst into tears, but all that did was make Kurt even angrier. All the resolve he had gathered earlier that day about wanting to talk to Blaine and be honest with him was just thrown out the window in the face of how incredibly hostile and unreasonable Blaine was being right now.

"Okay Blaine, you know what? You're being ridiculous!"

"_I'm_ being ridiculous?" Blaine hissed.

Kurt could see Blaine's chest heaving and his own eyes stung painfully with the threat of tears building behind them.

"Yes, you are!" Kurt spat back, "My world doesn't _revolve_ around you, Blaine! And you know what? I don't have to explain myself to you... at all!"

Blaine just gaped as Kurt stood up, pushing his chair back loudly. Kurt had never talked to Blaine like this before, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now.

"It is _none_ of your business who I hang out with... or who I date!" Kurt yelled, not caring if anyone else could hear him, "And you have _no right_ to accuse me of doing things just to hurt you... I can't believe you even think that I would want to do anything, to... _to get back at you_? Seriously Blaine? Is that the kind of person you think I am?"

Blaine's face fell as Kurt spoke that last sentence. It was like he suddenly realized the implications of what he said and wished he could take it back. But it was too late, Kurt was so frustrated and hurt that he was on the verge of tears, and he hated the fact that he was so upset, because he _did not_ want to cry in front of Blaine. So he tried to calm himself as much as he could before speaking again.

"We're supposed to be friends, Blaine, and I really want to be..." Kurt's voice was small, almost a whisper. He didn't trust himself to speak loud again and risk breaking into tears. "But I can't be your friend if this is how you're going to behave."

Blaine heaved a sigh, "Kurt, I'm sorry... okay? I didn't mean to accuse you but... Just help me out here. I just want to understand... Please."

Kurt just looked at him and shook his head; he was so disappointed. "I don't think you would understand, even if I explained." He mumbled, wiping the corner of his eye, "But I'm not going to. So please just... Don't."

Blaine took a step forward, reaching out to Kurt; but Kurt took a step back and walked out of the kitchen, leaving him behind.

Once Kurt was in the hallway he wanted nothing more than to run out the front door. He wished he could get out of the house, away from the party, away from all his troubles, and away from Blaine. But he couldn't run away right now, not in the middle of the party, not when his dad needed him.

The tears he'd been trying so desperately to hold back broke out then. And he put his hand over his mouth to keep himself from crying out loud as he got to his room and closed the door.

His dad's bedroom was just down the hall and Kurt knew he would hear him if he cried.

Kurt was just so frustrated. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go, everything was a mess. He dropped down on his bed and curled into himself, trying to stop the tears but feeling so completely lost and overwhelmed that he just couldn't.

So he cried silently, hugging his pillow and not caring if his hair or his suit got messed up. He stayed there until his cries died out and his breathing returned to normal. Kurt knew he just needed a few minutes to calm himself down. He knew he couldn't hide in his room forever, and he didn't want to. He had to check up on his dad, he also had to go down and see how the party was going. He probably would even have to face Blaine again.

So once he felt like he could breathe again, Kurt got up from his bed and went over to his bathroom to fix his hair. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he almost wanted to start crying again. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed red, his nose was puffy and his face looked just awful. Kurt sighed and decided to laugh instead, because quite frankly his hair was the least of his worries at the moment.

Kurt sat on the edge of his bathtub, shaking his head and trying to smile. He took a moist towelette and softly cleaned his face with it. He was glad that no one had come looking after him, which meant the party must have been going smoothly, so Kurt wasn't too worried about hurrying back downstairs.

In that moment, his phone buzzed again and when he took it out of his pocket Kurt realized he had a new email notification. Kurt wondered who could it be at this time. When he opened his email and read the subject line he frowned.

**"Alex Hershel wants to be friends on Facebook."**

Alex Hershel? Kurt didn't know who that was, and he didn't usually accept people he didn't know into his Facebook friends. Out of pure curiosity though, he clicked to see who this Alex Hershel could possibly be, and once he saw the profile picture Kurt realized he_ did_ know him.

It was Alex, Sebastian's cousin.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's note**__: __Hi guys… I am SO SORRY for the long wait. But I've been super busy with life and then the Kurtofsky gift exchange happened. I got caught up with the deadline for my Kurtofsky fic in the middle of this chapter so I decided to finish it after I was done with that story._

_But fear not! I am done with that and so I hope updates will flow at the normal speed from now on. Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and I hope you like this chapter, I've been DYING to post it since I began writing this story because of well… you'll understand when you read it. I just hope you're ready for this roller coaster!_

_Much love!_

_**Warnings for this chapter:**__ Blood._

* * *

Sunday morning.

Sebastian used to like Sunday mornings, back when he could actually do things like sleep late -because he was lazy, not because he was sick- and then spend the entire day in nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt. Sometimes he used to get up and then go to the country club with his parents for brunch. Other times he would just lounge around his house listening to music or playing video games; and if the weather was nice, Sebastian would go and use the pool his dad had finally built in the backyard last year after much prodding from him and his sister. Those were good times, but now Sunday mornings had nothing to make them special, and especially not when Sebastian was stuck in the hospital, alternating between feeling bad and feeling awful.

Sebastian sighed and rolled over in his bed, turning his face away from the windows. The sun was starting to come out, but he didn't really care for it. He had been awake for hours. Sebastian slept so much during the day that his sleeping patterns were a mess. It was really annoying.

He felt uncomfortable and exhausted most of the time, and that made it easy to sleep. But then during the nights he would just lie in bed awake and aware for hours at a time, with nothing to do and wishing he could sleep just because that way time would pass quicker. He watched TV but got sick of it soon. He found it hard to keep track of what he was watching sometimes because he got headaches often. Other times he felt like his mind was fogged and ended up falling asleep anyway.

And now there he was, tossing and turning in bed, eyes wide and completely unable to sleep. All Sebastian could do was stay in bed and stare at the wall, at the ceiling, or at his phone. _Goddamn phone._

Lately, he didn't really care about his phone at all, but today he did. Sebastian found himself checking his text messages, or _the lack of text messages_, to be more precise. He had texted Kurt the night before, but Kurt didn't text him back. Sebastian had sent a couple of messages, once his mom and him had finished eating the cake.

That had been 7 hours ago, and Kurt hadn't replied yet. Not that he was counting the time or anything. _Not at all._

Rationally, Sebastian knew Kurt was going to be very busy playing host for his stepmother's party. Probably running up and down, making sure people ate and drank and had a good time. Kurt seemed to be really tired even before the party, so Sebastian knew that after the party Kurt would be absolutely exhausted. Still, the fact that Kurt hadn't replied to his texts at all was bothering him to no end.

Sebastian was annoyed, not with Kurt but with himself. He knew he shouldn't have texted him, but most importantly: He shouldn't care that Kurt hadn't replied. Why did he even care about Kurt's texts? Sebastian figured that must be a side effect of this self-imposed isolation, but he was fine with it. Trent and Jeff had finally stopped texting him, maybe after more than two months they had finally given up. In a way, Sebastian felt relieved about that; but there was a part of him that was just so lonely, and bored. He tried his best to ignore it though.

He shouldn't miss Kurt; but he did, and it was getting on his nerves. So Sebastian shoved his phone under his pillow and closed his eyes, willing himself to just sleep. After a while he managed to doze off and didn't wake up for several hours, until a nurse came to check on him.

Sebastian was used to that routine. Having nurses come in and check his vitals, take blood samples, give him pills to take, or check his IV drips. This time however, it was different. The nurse just did a quick look around and then smiled down at him.

"Are you excited to finally go home?"

That question caught him completely off guard.

"Sorry… what?"

"You're getting discharged today, didn't your parents tell you?"

"Uh… no." Sebastian replied, frowning but at the same time unable to stop smiling. "But whoa… that's great! I really miss sleeping in my own bed."

The nurse smiled warmly at Sebastian before telling him his breakfast would be there soon and walking out of the room.

Sebastian's day got brighter all of the sudden. _He was going home._

…

Kurt was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee sitting in front of him, getting cold. He'd already had one cup before, but Kurt felt so tired that he thought he needed another one. However, after taking a few sips he felt like he couldn't finish it. Kurt was feeling tired and apathetic, his appetite gone. Around him the house was dead quiet, he was the only one up even though it wasn't really that early.

Kurt was alone with his conflicting thoughts; the events of the previous night still felt like a heavy weight on his shoulders.

The stress of his dad getting sick and the frustration about his confrontation with Blaine had just added to Kurt's physical exhaustion. That whole mess, added to the stocked-up tension from the busy week had Kurt wishing he could just crawl back into bed.

But he couldn't. He had things to do, like making sure his dad went to the doctor as soon as he got out of bed. It was barely 8:00 am, and considering they had ended up going to bed at almost 2:00 am, Kurt knew his dad probably wouldn't get up quite yet, but he couldn't stay in bed even if he wanted to. After a couple of hours of restless sleep, he'd woken up feeling weird and uncomfortable and overall unable to stay in bed.

Kurt knew Finn would probably not get up until noon, but his dad and Carole were usually early risers, and he knew they would eventually be up for breakfast. So despite his tiredness, Kurt decided to make himself busy with pancakes. That would help keep his mind off things, even if he wasn't feeling hungry at all.

Kurt prepared the mix quickly, deciding to add a little bit of banana to it, just like he knew his dad liked them. When he finally started making the pancakes, it didn't take long for his dad and Carole to come down and join him in the kitchen.

"Good morning Kurt!" Carole said, standing next to him to see what he was doing. "Such an early bird! Cooking already?"

"Yeah, I just, couldn't stay in bed anymore. You guys want pancakes?"

"Sounds great." His dad said, from where he was sitting on the kitchen table. "Morning kiddo."

"Dad, how are you feeling?"

"Good… I'm good." Burt said, like it was nothing. He took Kurt's abandoned cup of coffee in his hands and frowned. "This coffee is cold."

"I don't want it anymore." Kurt replied dryly.

Burt stood up and flushed the remaining coffee down the kitchen sink before grabbing a cup for himself and pouring hot coffee in it. All the while, Kurt was looking at his dad, expecting him to give him some kind of sign of the pain that he had the night before, but there was none. His dad was acting like his normal self, not looking even the slightest bit sick, and Kurt was at a loss.

Once the pancakes were ready, they sat at the table and started eating. The kitchen smelled of pancakes, the scent of banana and cinnamon sweetened the air, and it should be relaxing, but Kurt was feeling a bit ansty. It didn't take long for him to bring up the subject of what happened the night before, and his dad's need to go see a doctor, but Burt was having none of it.

"Dad… But we _have to_ go. It could be something serious!"

Burt just sighed, "Kurt, I'm feeling fine. It's fine… we have to go down to the hospital tomorrow anyway, I can tell the doctor about it then."

"_Tomorrow?_ Dad, you shouldn't-"

"What, you seriously want to drive all the way to Cleveland today? Don't be silly Kurt, I swear I feel fine."

"Dad… last night you were in a lot of pain, you could barely stand up. Carole, help me out here, we can't just-"

"Kurt, listen..." His dad interrupted before Kurt could finish or Carole could say anything. "Sure, I had pain last night, but I'm sure whatever it was can wait. I'm tired, and I have stuff to do at the shop, so I want to just relax a bit before heading out. Besides, you have something to do as well, don't you?"

Kurt immediately tensed up, because he had completely forgotten about that.

"In fact, shouldn't you be getting ready right now? Look at the time, it's a long drive down to Westerville."

Kurt wanted to protest, but he did have to go to Westerville. Sebastian's mother had told him a few days ago that Sebastian might get discharged today, and yesterday in the midst of all the party preparations, Kurt received a couple of texts from her, confirming it and asking him for help because she wanted to make something special to welcome Sebastian back home.

Kurt had said yes, and than agreed to meet her at noon. But Kurt knew that Mrs. Smythe would understand if he had to cancel in order to take his dad to the doctor.

"Dad... that's not as important as your health. I'm just… I'm worried about you. Can you at least call the doctor, _please?_" Kurt begged, one last time.

"Kurt, if it was something serious I think I'd still be in pain; and I'm not. I feel fine. Trust me. Alright?"

Kurt sighed, feeling defeated. He was so frustrated with his dad for just acting like nothing happened while he was worried sick about him. He couldn't not-worry, but he realized his dad was not going to give into his pleas. So he decided to just talk to Carole after his dad went back upstairs and make her promise that she would keep a close eye on him. The fact that Carole was a nurse offered Kurt a little bit of comfort, but he still wasn't completely okay with his dad just being so careless about what happened the night before.

Once he realized there was really nothing he could do to change his father's mind, Kurt figured he should get going. Westerville was a 2-hour drive away, and he still needed to take a shower and get ready.

…

"I can't believe you kept this from me." Sebastian said, shaking his head and smiling as he walked with his dad across the hospital hallway on their way out.

"We didn't! We just weren't sure, that's why we hadn't said anything… that's all." His dad brushed off, smiling fondly at him.

Sebastian just shook his head, still smiling a little as they walked towards the parking lot. Being able to go outside felt so nice, even if the day was a bit cold. So many days of being in the hospital made Sebastian appreciate little things he never paid attention to before. Like wearing shoes and his normal clothes instead of the dull hospital gowns; or the feeling of the cool air against his skin as he walked.

"Are you hungry?" His dad asked as they got into the car. "We can stop and get something to eat before we head home."

"Uh… no, I'm good. Had breakfast and a snack. Let's just go home."

"Fair enough, let's go then. We'll be there soon."

"What time did mom say she would be done with work?"

"She didn't. But she only had a couple of patients scheduled. So, who knows? Maybe she'll be home by the time we get there."

His dad started the car and drove away from the hospital. Sebastian just stared out the window as they left the hospital building behind, hoping for the day he would never need to come back to this place again.

Somewhere along the drive home, Sebastian fell asleep. It was something he always did. Lately, whenever Sebastian was in a car, the movement of the car somehow managed to lull him to sleep. Sebastian didn't wake up until his dad killed the engine, and he opened his eyes to realize they were parked in their driveway.

_He was finally home._ Sebastian was so happy to be back, but as he got out of his dad's car, something caught his attention.

"Dad, whose car is that?" Sebastian asked, pointing out to a black navigator parked in front of their house.

"Uh… Probably just a friend of your mom's." His dad shrugged off, smiling awkwardly and prompting Sebastian to keep walking towards the house by placing his hands over his shoulders.

Sebastian's dad had told him his mom was working and that's why she couldn't pick him up from the hospital, and now she had friend over? Sebastian couldn't help but find it a little odd, but decided to think nothing of it. However, once they stepped into the house, Sebastian found out why his dad had that weird look on his face. Waiting for him inside the house with his mom, was none other that Kurt freaking Hummel.

Sebastian couldn't help but laugh, surprised and shocked at the unexpected sight that greeted him. He bumped his dad in the arm as his mom, along with Kurt and a couple of the maids that worked for his family chanted "Welcome home!" throwing confetti and balloons at him. It felt like a surprise birthday party or something equally unexpected… it was ridiculous but heartwarming at the same time.

They all greeted him with smiles and hugs, and Sebastian didn't miss the way his stomach constricted a little once Kurt hugged him. He had to admit it was a nice surprise to see him there.

"Kurt, how did you even-"

"Your mom… it was all your mom's doing." Kurt said, smiling at Mrs. Smythe, who was grinning and holding a balloon in her hands.

"We wanted to surprise you honey, we're so glad you're back home with us."

"You didn't have to, mom. But thanks, I love you." He leaned down to press a kiss to his mom's temple and hugged her tight. He felt really lucky to have her in his life. She never ceased to amaze him.

The house smelled delicious, and Sebastian was so glad to finally be able to eat homemade food and not the dull hospital menus. They sat in the living room for a while as the maids set up the dining table. When everything was ready, they moved to the other room and sat down to eat.

The conversation flowed pleasantly between Sebastian, his parents and Kurt as they ate. Sebastian could tell his mom was more than excited to have Kurt there, and his dad was being pretty welcoming too, considering the fact that they hadn't met each other before, as far as he was concerned. Sebastian wondered what his mom told his dad about Kurt. He'd make sure to ask her later when they were alone.

In the meantime, he was enjoying the food and the company, because after such a long time of being in the hospital, this was a very needed breath of fresh air. Sebastian didn't know how to feel, but the whole scene felt strangely heartwarming. He'd never had a friend sit down on the table and share a meal with his parents. Sure, some of the Dalton guys had come over to his house on occasion, but they never sat down on the table for a family meal, they just ended up having food delivered to Sebastian's bedroom, or the living room, depending on what they were doing.

"And how was the party, Kurt?" Sebastian's mom asked.

"Oh, it was great… everything went pretty well."

"Did you manage to take a lot of pictures?"

"Yeah… I took some with my phone, I can show them to you later."

Mrs. Smythe put her hands together excitedly and Sebastian couldn't help but laugh.

"I've heard you're quite the party planner, Kurt. Maybe you can help us next time we have to organize one." Sebastian's dad said, making Kurt blush a little bit.

"Sure, I'd be glad to help… I'm not a professional or anything, but I like it... It's fun."

"I've heard you're quite the baker as well."

"Um… not really I-"

"The cake was delicious Kurt, we all loved it." Mrs. Smythe said.

"It really was." Mr. Smythe added, and Sebastian bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing nervously at his dad's remark. He'd told Kurt his dad hadn't been able to try the cake, but that had been a lie just to get more cake.

Kurt looked at Sebastian knowingly, squinting his eyes for the briefest second and smiling before responding to his dad.

"Oh, so you tried it too, Mr. Smythe?"

"Call me Joseph… and yes, I did try a tiny little piece that these two left me. Though with how good it tasted, I'm not surprised they wanted to keep it all to themselves."

Everyone laughed at that, and Kurt promised to bake another cake for them soon. All the while they talked after that, Sebastian could see Kurt giving him this amused looks every now and then. _He was so screwed._

After they were done with lunch and dessert. They went upstairs to Sebastian's room. His mom helped carry Sebastian's bag and once he opened his bedroom door, his breath hitched.

They'd moved the furniture around, put a new carpet on his floor and got him new sheets for the bed. Sebastian's room looked amazing; there was a huge balloon arrangement in his nightstand and a colorful banner that said "We love you Sebastian!" hanging over the headboard.

Sebastian smiled and turned back to his mom, who was grinning widely probably waiting for his reaction. He just hugged her tightly and whispered, _"I love you too, mom" _in her ear.

"Kurt helped me." She quickly said, wiping a small tear from her eye and putting her arm around Kurt's waist, bringing him closer to them and including him in their embrace. Kurt was smiling shyly and Sebastian felt a sudden warmth spread across his neck and face as Kurt reached for his shoulder to give him a hug.

"Thanks, Kurt." He managed to say, and Kurt just smiled at him, mouthing a silent _"You're welcome"_. Sebastian wondered if Kurt felt as awkward as he did in that moment, or if it was all in his head.

…

After sharing that brief moment with his mom, she went back downstairs, leaving Sebastian alone with Kurt in his room. Sebastian was feeling a little tired, so he sat down on the bed and Kurt joined him. They just sat in the there for a while, Sebastian resting against the headboard with his legs stretched out on the left side of the bed, and Kurt sitting with his legs crossed, holding a pillow and facing Sebastian. They just sat there and talked, which was something they had done many times before. However, this time Sebastian found himself feeling oddly self-conscious or maybe even nervous. Sebastian didn't really understand why, but somehow the fact that they were in his bedroom made everything different.

It felt intimate but natural at the same time; to just sit there and talk with the TV turned on but neither of them really paying attention to it. Sebastian realized he was only nervous because the whole thing was so foreign to him, because the moment felt like trust… it felt like friendship.

He and Kurt were friends now? Sebastian didn't even realize how it happened. How Kurt went from being someone he used to want to avoid at all costs, to someone his mother would call and make plans with. Sebastian would have never expected that to happen, but in that moment Sebastian realized he was glad that it did.

Sebastian thought he wanted to be alone during his illness, to get through it on his own; but he had to admit that having Kurt around wasn't bad at all. Sebastian enjoyed his company, and every time they hung out and talked, Sebastian discovered new things about Kurt that he didn't know.

Sebastian was listening attentively as Kurt talked about the party and everything that happened. Kurt was smiling and telling him about the food, and the guest's reaction to his step-brother's performance, but he seemed tired and worn. Even through his seemingly excited narrative, Sebastian could tell something was going on with Kurt. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was though. There was just something about Kurt's eyes. He looked small and distant, and it was the first time Sebastian had ever seen him like this. It couldn't just be physical exhaustion, or could it?

Either way, Sebastian's curiosity was eating at him so he knew he had to say something.

"Um.. Are you okay?" He asked after Kurt finished talking.

Kurt frowned. "Yeah, I'm fine… Why?"

"You kinda look like crap."

"Gee... thanks." Kurt said, seemingly offended.

"I'm kidding…" Sebastian laughed nervously "You do look tired but... I don't know. Is something bothering you?"

Sebastian noticed how Kurt tensed up, and immediately regretted asking. Kurt seemed to be hesitant about what to say, and Sebastian wished he could just turn back time a few seconds so he could just shut up and never ask him in the first place.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But… I just feel like you're here but your mind is elsewhere."

Kurt looked at him for a couple of seconds, then smiled tightly and sighed, "No, I just didn't get much sleep… I am kind of tired I guess."

Sebastian squinted his eyes, not really buying what Kurt was saying but feeling not wanting to press the issue any further.

"If you want to take a nap or something, be my guest. I'm feeling rather sleepy myself."

Kurt lifted an eyebrow, "You're inviting me to sleep in your bed?"

"Well, you didn't need an invitation when you draped yourself over my feet at the hospital did you?" Sebastian answered, and Kurt just laughed and rolled his eyes in response. But he lied down anyway, resting his head in the pillow he was holding and facing Sebastian, who was in a slightly more vertical position, resting his head and neck on a pillow against the headboard.

They remained quiet for a while, only the distant sound of the TV could be heard in the background. Sebastian was starting to feel his eyelids heavier and heavier, sleep threatening to overcome him before Kurt finally spoke again.

"My dad got sick yesterday."

Sebastian looked down at Kurt and noticed he was biting his lower lip, and looking down at nothing in particular, probably avoiding eye contact.

"What happened?"

"I don't know… That's the worst part." Kurt's voice sounded small as he spoke. "He was in a lot of pain, couldn't even stand up. It was just… It was awful to see him like that. I'm so afraid of what can happen. It just gets to me sometimes."

Kurt's eyes were full of worry as he spoke and Sebastian could sympathize, because cancer was so unpredictable. Anything could happen… and he knew more than anyone how helpless and uncertain one could feel while dealing with it.

"How was he feeling today?"

"He was fine… or at least he _seemed_ to be fine. I tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he said he wanted to wait until tomorrow. I wish he would had gone today… I'm just worried sick." Kurt rubbed his eyes, and from where he was sitting Sebastian couldn't tell if he was crying or not. He hoped not… Sebastian didn't know what to do if Kurt started crying. What was he supposed to do?

"He's getting radiation, right?"

"Y-yes…"

Sebastian waited a few seconds, pondering his words before speaking again. "Well… it could be just a side effect. I mean... If he was feeling better this morning it might only be that, and nothing else. Radiation can be harsh on some people, or so I've heard. Hopefully the pain is just temporary. Besides, your dad seems like a tough guy, I bet he'll be just fine."

Sebastian felt awkward trying to cheer Kurt up… He was never good with words in times like these, so when Kurt looked up at him and smiled he was surprised.

"I hope so… Thanks Sebastian."

He just nodded in response, feeling a bit relieved to see Kurt smiling. They relaxed on the bed and watched TV for a little while, lying next to each other. Sebastian's bed was queen size, and even though there was plenty of space between them, Sebastian couldn't help but feel like they were _too close._

Sebastian tried not to think about that too much, deciding to focus on the television instead. There was a Kitchen Nightmares marathon playing and Sebastian always liked that show, Kurt said he did too. So they watched for a while, making comments every now and then about how gross things were in some of the restaurants until Sebastian realized he was the only one talking. When he glanced down at Kurt, Sebastian realized he had fallen asleep.

Kurt looked relaxed, the worry and tiredness that tainted his features earlier no longer visible. Somehow the sight of Kurt just curled up on his side, sleeping peacefully made Sebastian smile. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep too.

When he woke up, almost four hours later, Kurt was no longer there. Sebastian's neck was feeling a bit sore from how he'd fallen asleep on the big pillows against the headboard, he just hoped he wasn't drooling when Kurt woke up and left because well, that would be embarrassing.

When Sebastian checked his phone to see the time he realized he had a new text.

_**From Kurt Hummel:**_

_**Had to leave, didn't want to wake you up. **_

_**We still have to go shopping one of these days,**_

_**so I'll see you soon ;)**_

Shopping with Kurt, well that was definitely something Sebastian was _not _looking forward to, but Kurt's text made him smile nonetheless.

…

The week passed and Sebastian was starting to feel better. Now that he didn't have to the hospital again until next Monday, he was determined to make the best of his days. He caught up on some reading that he'd been stalling for weeks. Finished watching the season 2 Lost DVD's that Kurt gave him, and managed to relax and regain his strength for the most part.

Sebastian had good days, and he also had some _notsogood_ days. But just the fact that he was able to be home and not in the hospital made the discomfort and weakness more bearable. He still slept a lot and sometimes would lose track of the days that passed.

It was Saturday, and Sebastian was alone in his room. He'd dozed off while watching TV again and was now laying face down on his bed. He didn't remember having any particular dreams, but even before being fully conscious and opening his eyes, Sebastian could feel his erection, straining from the pressure between his clothes and the mattress.

Sebastian groaned and turned around, glancing at the clock on his nightstand. He knew his mom wouldn't be home for at least another hour, and the maids were downstairs, probably preparing lunch or something. So Sebastian lazily reached to his bedside table, opened the drawer and scrambled through all the stuff he had until he reached the back, where he kept his small bottle of lube. He poured a little bit on his palm and breathed in as he slid his hand down his sweatpants. He reached down under his boxer briefs to get a hold of his cock, slicking it up and down with the lube in his hand, warming it up with every stroke.

It felt good to just be able to touch himself like that, in the privacy of his room. He hadn't been able to masturbate during all the time he'd been in the hospital, for obvious reasons. So ever since he'd been back home, Sebastian had been busy getting reacquainted with the pleasurable pastime.

Unfortunately, this time Sebastian only managed to stroke himself a few times before there was a loud knock on the door.

_"Sebastian? I'm here!"_ Came Kurt's voice from the other side.

Sebastian panicked, quickly pulling his hand out of his pants and wiping the lube on his sheets. _What the fuck?_ What was Kurt doing there? Shit!

"Um… uh give me a minute!"

Sebastian knew one minute wouldn't suffice for his boner to go away. But what the hell was he even going to do? He had to think of something fast, but he couldn't… he just sat there, unable to get any ideas. All the stress and nerves were blocking his mind, and he must have taken too long because soon Kurt knocked on the door again.

_"Sebastian, are you ready? Don't tell me you were still sleeping!" _Kurt sounded annoyed, and before Sebastian could even do anything, he opened the door and looked inside.

Sebastian pulled the comforter over his legs and brought his knees up to his chest as Kurt walked into his room. He could feel his heart beating fast and his stomach doing a weird twisting that sent jitters through him. He put on his best poker face and bit his lip trying hard not to laugh; which was something he did when he was really nervous, like right now.

"Kurt what the hell?"

Kurt looked at him, squinting his eyes and raising an eyebrow, which made Sebastian immediately realize he'd said the wrong thing.

"Oh no, don't even try that, Sebastian... Why are you still in bed? It's noon! We are supposed to go shopping today, remember? You can't back out now. We're going!"

Shopping, _right_. Sebastian had completely forgotten about that.

Sebastian covered his face with his hands. "Ugh… I thought that was tomorrow! Didn't we say we'd go on Sunday?"

"No... We said Saturday... _today_. That's what we agreed on Sebastian. Now hurry up and get dressed, I'm not leaving the house with you still in your sleeping clothes."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. Kurt walked in like he owned the place, and what the hell was he wearing? Sebastian had never seen red jeans that tight, and if Sebastian was trying to kill his boner Kurt's outfit wasn't helping. He couldn't believe Kurt had just walked into his room like this, and he had no idea how to even stand up or even speak with the massive hard-on he was sporting.

Sebastian could tell the second the realization hit Kurt... His blue eyes went wide as he glanced between the comforter draped over Sebastian's legs and the bottle of lube sitting in the nightstand.

Kurt didn't say anything at first, but he didn't have to... His face was bright red and he gaped; seemingly at a complete loss for words.

"Are you... Were you just... Oh my god you were!"

Sebastian didn't need to say it, Kurt had picked up on what he was doing before he came into the room and the tension and awkwardness in the room suddenly skyrocketed.

All lingering embarrassment Sebastian had just vanished at the sight of Kurt's reaction. Sebastian couldn't help himself anymore and he just burst out laughing... Half from nerves and half because of how affected Kurt seemed by his discovery.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you Sebastian Smythe!" Kurt said, turning around and looking away.

"What? I wasn't expecting company! I swear I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow!" Sebastian said, still laughing hysterically and feeling like his face was on fire.

"Um... I'm... I'll wait for you downstairs."

Kurt practically ran out of the room, and Sebastian just fell to his side, still laughing and feeling even dizzy at the same time. All the nerves and awkwardness of the situation killed his mood and he decided to just take a cold shower to get himself together before heading out.

When Sebastian got out of the shower, he was feeling a little dizzy, but he didn't think much of it, figuring it was just a result of everything that had happened earlier. When he went downstairs, he found Kurt sitting in the table with his mom, chatting amicably. Apparently, lunch was ready so his mom said they should eat before leaving for the mall.

Sebastian's mom was delighted to see they were going out, and Sebastian could tell Kurt was only being civil for the sake of his mom. Every time she'd look away, Kurt practically glared daggers at him. Sebastian couldn't help but find it amusing.

Thankfully, Kurt didn't stay mad at him. He just begged Sebastian to forget about the whole thing altogether when he tried to bring it up in the car on their way to the mall. That was fine by him, but Sebastian doubted that he would truly be able to ever forget about that.

…

They got to the mall and while they parked, Kurt was talking excitedly about this store he wanted to take Sebastian to. They had a hard time finding a parking spot, which meant the place was completely packed. They parked a couple of blocks away from the main entrance and by the time they were finally there, Sebastian was already feeling a little out of breath.

He tried his best not to let it show and composed himself, feeling more grateful than ever for electric stairs and elevators. But still, it sucked. Sebastian was just _tired_ of feeling tired all the time.

They were just walking around the mall; he shouldn't feel like he just ran a freaking marathon. It was so frustrating, and as much as he hated to admit it, after a while he really needed to sit down. He didn't want to say that out loud though. Sebastian didn't want Kurt to realize just how useless he was.

"I want ice cream." Sebastian blurted out, feeling relieved when his voice didn't sound as breathless as he was feeling at the moment. "We should get ice cream."

"Hmmm..." Kurt looked skeptical as he glanced at Sebastian and raised an eyebrow. For a minute Sebastian was worried Kurt would say it was a stupid idea since they had just had lunch not even half an hour ago, but Sebastian's worries vanished as Kurt smiled and said: "I think I'm in the mood for some _gelato!_"

It was funny and almost endearing how excited Kurt was at the prospect of gelato, and Sebastian smiled as best as he could as they walked over to the gelato kiosk. They ordered and went to sit in one of the benches in the hallway nearby so they could eat.

"Hmm... I just love pistachio." Kurt all but moaned as he licked the small plastic spoon, and Sebastian just smiled, slowly starting to regain his strength.

…

"I'm so tired!" Trent whined as Blaine got up from the chair right across him.

"Don't be a baby, we need to find that jersey so we can get out of here."

"We will never find it Blaine, we already looked for it everywhere!" Trent exclaimed, frustrated. "Can't we just get him something else?"

Blaine was frustrated, he and Trent had already been to 3 different malls in search of the infamous Lebron Miami Heat jersey, but apparently no store in Ohio sold it. David had said numerous times how much he wanted that thing and so Trent and Blaine agreed on buying it for him. They shouldn't have waited until the day of the actual party to go get it though. They were invited to the Westerville Country Club in two hours for David's birthday party and they still didn't have the present.

"I just don't even know what else we could get him." Blaine huffed, crossing his arms and resting them over the railing. Trent walked over and stood next to him, looking down at the different stores in the mall. They were in the third floor, and from where they stood they had a pretty good view of the place. They'd gone straight to the third floor because that is where the sports store was, but looking down, Blaine wondered if maybe they could browse the other stores and find something else to get for David.

"I really wanted to get him that jersey..." Trent sighed, and Blaine just nodded absentmindedly as he looked down at the people walking through the mall. He was about to turn around and leave when his eyes spotted an unmistakable figure sitting down in one of the benches in the first floor. Tight red jeans, perfectly coiffed brown hair... Could it be?

"Oh my god!" Blaine exclaimed, a mixture of surprise, shock and even dread tainting his voice as he noticed Kurt sitting in the tiny bench with another boy... _with__ Sebastian._

"What is it?"

"It's Kurt..." Blaine choked out, "Kurt is down there... He's with... With Sebastian!"

"Wait... What?" Trent yelped, squinting his eyes as he followed Blaine's pointing finger down to the first floor. He recognized Kurt, but the guy he was sitting with didn't really look like Sebastian. He was wearing a beanie and had his back turned to them. Trent could tell the guy was taller than Kurt, but he looked thinner than Sebastian, and he wasn't dressed like Sebastian usually did either.

"Oh my god. I knew it... They're dating! Kurt and Sebastian are actually dating!" Blaine was hysterical, feeling overwhelmed with all the things he was feeling in that moment. Kurt told him they weren't dating, yet there they were: in the mall together, sitting in a bench, eating ice cream. The whole scene looked so cute and even romantic that Blaine wanted to cry and pull his hair out. This couldn't be happening.

"Um... That doesn't look like Sebastian." Trent said, frowning. "Blaine, calm down!"

"It's him Trent, I know it is!" Blaine was pacing back and forth, looking down at Kurt, turning away like the sight burned him, and running his fingers over his head nervously. "Oh my god... I can't believe this."

Trent kept looking down at Kurt, trying to see if the guy he was with was Sebastian or not, but it was hard to tell.

"Kurt and Sebastian are together!" Blaine babbled and Trent was getting really annoyed. "They're dating... I knew it! Of course they are... Kurt is with Sebastian... of all people, oh my god!"

"Okay, Blaine? Stop!" Trent grabbed Blaine by the forearms and shook him so he would look at him, "You have to calm down... Alright? I know you still love Kurt, and it's weird to see him with someone else and all, but... I don't think that guy is Sebastian. That doesn't make any sense."

"It is, Trent. Kurt told me..." Blaine sighed, giving Trent a pained look, "I don't know how, or why, but Kurt and Sebastian have been hanging out, or whatever. Kurt told me they weren't dating but... Just _look at them._"

Trent looked down and saw Kurt laughing, shoving the other guy playfully. When the guy turned to his side, Trent was able to see his face, and his breath hitched when he realized that it was indeed Sebastian.

They were sitting together, joking and smiling. Trent never thought that could be possible, but then again, there were many things he didn't understand about Sebastian. Like why the hell he had just disappeared from the face of the earth for the past two months.

"It's him... It's Sebastian." Trent muttered, and Blaine gave him a look that said 'I told you so'.

Blaine was glad Trent finally believed him. He seemed to be in shock, and Blaine was relieved to see he wasn't the only one who found the whole Kurt and Sebastian thing completely absurd.

"We have to get down there!" Blaine blurted out and Trent's eyes went wide.

"Um... But what would we even say?" He asked, but Blaine was already walking towards the elevator.

…

Sebastian didn't know if it was the sugar intake, or just sitting down, but after the couple of minutes he and Kurt sat in the bench he was feeling much better. They got up from the bench and walked towards the "Knits and Hats" store.

Once inside, Sebastian was able to quickly find a few things he liked, but Kurt was a whole different story. He asked Sebastian what his favorite colors were, but Sebastian said he didn't really know. Kurt rolled his eyes, thinking Sebastian was being purposely uncooperative, but it was the truth.

"You picked green and blue hats so I'm guessing those are probably your colors." Kurt said, as he walked around the store picking up sweaters and scarves while Sebastian held the couple of hats and beanies that he'd picked out.

"I thought we were here for the hats, not for a complete outfit Kurt." Sebastian protested as Kurt handed him an olive green sweater.

"Hush now... This looks amazing with that hat. Don't you agree?" Kurt said, putting the sweater over Sebastian's shoulders. "Try it on."

Sebastian just looked at himself in the mirror and snorted. How did he ever get himself into this mess?

The store was small, but there were lots of different things in it so Kurt was as happy as a child in a candy store, browsing around and trying things on. He ended up convincing Sebastian to buy the olive green sweater and a brown scarf to go with it, and not surprisingly, Kurt had also ended up picking a scarf for himself. They didn't take very long, but Sebastian was feeling tired again, and he was glad to finally be able to get to the cash register and pay. He really couldn't wait to get out of there.

Sebastian thought Kurt would protest him paying for his scarf too, and that it would be awkward for him to offer to pay for it, but Kurt didn't seem to mind.

"Fine, next time we go shopping I'll get you one." Was the only thing Kurt said, and Sebastian couldn't help but laugh. Kurt was talking like going shopping with Sebastian was something that they would just _do_ now.

They were getting their bags to leave when suddenly Kurt gasped. When Sebastian looked up, his stomach dropped to his feet as he realized Trent and Blaine were standing right in front of them.

"Kurt and Sebastian! Wow guys, what a surprise to find you here… _together!_" Blaine said, his tone so obviously sarcastic, and Sebastian had no idea where the hostility was coming from.

What Sebastian didn't' know was that Blaine and Trent had been watching them as they tried on clothes; and watching Kurt put his arms around Sebastian as he helped him put the sweaters and scarves on had made Blaine upset beyond words.

"Hi guys." Trent chirped behind Blaine, smiling awkwardly.

Sebastian turned to look at Kurt, expecting him to look as shocked to see them there as he was. However, Kurt's face was stern and serious, he looked visibly upset.

"Hi Trent. Um, Blaine… what are you doing here?"

"Trent and I were just coming in to, you know... see some hats and-"

"You don't even like hats."

"Oh… We actually saw you getting ice cream earlier and just wanted to come say hi." Trent blurted out, causing Blaine to wince.

"So, you were following us?" Kurt asked, looking at Blaine in complete disbelief.

"No! It's not like that." Trent quickly said apologetically, "We were just looking for a present for David, it's his birthday today. We saw you from the third floor down, that's all."

Kurt rolled his eyes and Trent looked horrified, but Sebastian just snorted. Trent was so obviously flustered by Blaine's overly-jealous behavior that he felt second hand embarrassment for them.

"You know what? I'm sorry. We just thought it'd be nice to say hi, we didn't mean to interrupt you on your date." Blaine spat out.

"Oh my god Blaine! I told you… we are _not_ dating!"

Sebastian had no idea what was going on, but he didn't like it at all. _Had Kurt and Blaine been talking about him? What the hell?_

"Why are you trying to deny this, Kurt? You seemed pretty cozy with each other eating ice cream in that bench back there, and now you're buying clothes together? Looks like a date to me!"

Kurt was positively glaring daggers, his blue eyes shining with sheer frustration and that struck a nerve within Sebastian. He had no idea what was going on between them but he knew he needed to get Blaine out of Kurt's face immediately.

"Well, last time I checked Blaine..." Sebastian said, "You and Kurt weren't together anymore, so what we do is really none of your business."

Blaine turned to see him, looking absolutely livid. If Sebastian didn't know better he would even fear that Blaine was going to punch him in the face.

_"Well, last time I checked..."_ Blaine sneered, mocking Sebastian's tone, "You thought Kurt had a gay face and you were actually going after _me and every moving pair of legs in the whole of Ohio!"_

The bitterness and arrogance in Blaine's words made Sebastian want nothing more than to punch his teeth in, but before he could even respond to him, something happened.

Sebastian could feel the coppery taste in his the back of his throat even before he felt it pouring out of his nostrils. _Blood… lots of it. _His immediate reaction was to cover his nose with his hand, but the blood just slipped between his fingers and trailed down his arm. Sebastian looked down at his palm and saw red everywhere. He was bleeding... _heavily_.

"Oh my god Sebastian!" He heard Kurt cry out as he nervously searched in his pocket for his handkerchief. Sebastian grabbed the tissue and pressed it to his nose in hopes that it would help stop the bleeding but it wasn't enough. A couple of seconds later and the thing was completely drenched in his blood, and it didn't look like it was going to stop.

Sebastian didn't understand what was happening, or why there was so much blood coming out of his nose. This wasn't just a normal nosebleed. Sebastian had never experienced something like this before. He could feel the blood in the back of his throat and the taste made him feel like he was going to be sick.

_Please stop, please just stop._ Sebastian begged, but the blood was practically pumping from his nose and when he looked down he realized his shirt was ruined, trails of red staining it and he could also see drops of blood on the floor right beneath him.

"Oh shit..." He managed to say as he removed the bloody tissue from his face, dropping it to the floor. The blood kept dripping from his nose and down his chin, so in the midst of his desperation Sebastian quickly grabbed one of the hats he just bought and put it over his nose and mouth, hoping the thicker fabric would to a better job than the stupid tissue.

"We need to take you to the hospital!" He heard Kurt cry out, and Sebastian knew he was right, but his head was pounding, a dull ache pulsing through his body, and all he could see was Trent and Blaine's shocked faces, staring at him like he was dying or something.

Sebastian didn't want them to see him like this, he needed to get out of there. He grabbed Kurt by the sleeve of his shirt, attempting to walk out the door but Kurt grabbed him firmly, halting them to stop.

"Sebastian don't move… You'll make it worse!"

"Kurt I'm fine... please," Sebastian choked out, "Let's just go to your car."

"No, Sebastian... it's too far, you need an ambulance!"

When Sebastian looked up, he realized they had a freaking audience. Two of the store clerks and a small group of costumers were staring at him too while Kurt kept uselessly yelling for someone to call an ambulance. Sebastian felt his legs go weak and he grabbed onto Kurt, who held him tightly and helped him sit down on the floor. Sebastian just crossed his legs beneath him and looked down, wishing he could just disappear.

"Oh for fucks sake stop staring and _do something!_"

Sebastian had never heard Kurt curse before and it was quite a shame he couldn't tease him about it at the moment because he was too busy trying not to choke on his own blood. When he tried to speak he could feel the blood going down his throat and that made him cough, causing the blood to spill on his shoes too. _Great._

Suddenly Sebastian felt that Kurt let go of him. He saw how Kurt took his phone out of his pocket, dialing with shaky hands and making the call. Sebastian could do nothing but sit there, as he felt the fabric of the beanie getting soaked with the blood that just refused to stop pouring out of his nose.

"This is an emergency, we're at the Westerville mall and we need an ambulance!" Kurt said frantically.

Sebastian felt things were starting to get blurry, his ears buzzed as the blood kept pulsing out of his nose. He felt like the word was closing in on him, he was feeling numb and all he could vaguely hear was Kurt's voice on the phone.

_"My friend has a nosebleed... but he is bleeding too much, he needs a doctor... no, he is not injured... no, it's not that... w-we don't know what happened but..." _

Before Sebastian could even stop him, Kurt said it loud and clear: _"...he has leukemia!"_

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ Please don't hate me! Eep! Also, Google search: Posterior nosebleed._


	12. Chapter 12

_**Warnings for this chapter:**__ Blood. Panic attack, and severe depression symptoms._

_Also, I don't know if this counts as warning, but I actually teared up writing this chapter so… yeah :'( You know how they say "there's a light at the end of the tunnel?" Well this one's just a pretty long tunnel._

* * *

The waiting room was cold and eerily quiet, and after what seemed like an eternity of being there, Kurt found himself becoming hyper-aware of every single little noise around him. The footsteps of people walking down the hallway, the ticks of the big clock hanging in the wall, and even his own breathing sounded loudly in his ears. Kurt could hear the quick typing of the lady sitting at the front desk, and the shuffling of papers as a nurse leaned over and whispered something to her. Kurt could hear their voices, but couldn't quite make up what they were saying.

_He wished he could._

Kurt breathed in, trying to ease his mind for the thousandth time, but he failed. His attention quickly shifted to the clicking sound of a cellphone keyboard coming from a man sitting a few chairs away from him, then to the sound of his own foot tapping against the white tile.

Across from him, Trent and Blaine were sitting in silence with their faces pale and expression morose. Mrs. Smythe had gotten to the hospital just a couple of minutes after Kurt and Sebastian arrived in the ambulance. Her usually smiling and lovely face was creased with confusion and worry as she hugged Kurt and asked him about what happened. Kurt didn't even have enough time to fully try to explain the situation to her before a nurse came out to guide her inside. Mrs. Smythe quickly followed the nurse, disappearing behind closed doors while Kurt had to stay in the waiting room. About fifteen minutes later, Sebastian's dad arrived.

That had been almost one hour ago. One hour of waiting, worrying and stressing. One hour of sitting there, helplessly. If Sebastian was okay then why hadn't Mrs. Smythe come out to tell them? The logical part of Kurt's brain was aware that he was being unreasonable, that Mrs. Smythe had more important things to focus on than keeping them updated. He knew that Sebastian would be okay. _He had to be_. But the emotional part of him was just anguishing, remembering everything that had gone down at the mall just a little more than an hour ago.

_"The ambulance will be here soon... Okay? S-sebastian?" Kurt asked nervously as he put his phone back in his pocket. But Sebastian didn't say anything; he just stared at the floor, face buried in his blood soaked beanie._

_"Oh god, there's so much blood… He needs ice. Can anyone get him some ice?" A guy Kurt hadn't even noticed suddenly asked. He was kneeling in front of Sebastian._

_"We don't have ice, but would a glass of water help? Lydia, get him a glass of water!" One of the store clerks replied, approaching them and kneeling down as well. "God, he's bleeding so much… How are you feeling sweetie?"_

_Sebastian just shook his head slowly. "Fine… I'm fine." He mumbled before coughing and losing his balance a little. Kurt held his hand, helping support his weight so he could remain on his sitting position on the floor._

_Sebastian's hand was cold… so cold._

_Soon the paramedics rushed into the store, moving the people out of their way so they could pick Sebastian up and help him get on his feet. They had him sit on the stretcher, emphasizing how it wasn't safe for him to lay down with how much he was bleeding._

_Kurt gave his keys to Blaine, and told him where he'd parked his car so he could take it. Kurt then rushed after the paramedics so he could go in the ambulance with them. As they ran to the parking lot, Kurt called Sebastian's mom to tell her about what happened... In the rush of the moment, Kurt wasn't able to say much. He just told her Sebastian had a nosebleed and they were taking him to the hospital._

_Sebastian's face looked paler by the minute, and Kurt could feel his stomach twisting. This situation was worse than anything he'd ever witnessed in his life._

_The trip to the hospital was short, but it seemed like an eternity to Kurt. He could do nothing but sit in the ambulance, staring at the scene unfolding in front of him. The paramedics cleaning Sebastian's face, wrapping him in a blanket and asking questions as they examined the source of the bleeding. Talking about how they needed to get to the hospital fast._

_Sebastian was barely responsive by the time they made it to the hospital. But he still managed to look at Kurt through heavy lidded eyes and say: "C-call my mom…"_

_"I already did… She's on her way. She'll be here soon." Kurt told him as Sebastian was rushed to the Emergency Room._

_Kurt had been told to stay in the waiting room, and it was absolute torture. He only managed to stay still for a couple of minutes before running to the bathroom and throwing up over the sink because he couldn't make it to one of the stalls in time._

The sound of Trent cracking his knuckles nervously snapped Kurt out of his thoughts, and he was sure he was going to go insane if he stayed there for another second. So Kurt got up from the chair and stormed out of the waiting room.

"Kurt, wait!" He heard Blaine call after him. When Kurt stopped and turned around Blaine was standing in front of him, frowning with his eyes full of concern. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine Blaine, I just…" Kurt breathed in and smiled, trying his best to sound convincing, "I need to wash my hands. I'll be right back."

Blaine just smiled tightly and nodded as Kurt walked away from him, quickly headed to the bathroom down the hall. Kurt knew Blaine meant well, but he needed to get away for a minute. Blaine felt extremely guilty about what happened at the mall, and no matter how many times Kurt had told him that what happened to Sebastian couldn't possibly be his fault, he still kept apologizing.

The whole thing had just been one big mess, and Kurt knew he had part of the blame because of his refusal to set things straight from the beginning. He hadn't told Sebastian about Blaine finding out they were spending time together; and he hadn't been completely honest with Blaine about the situation with Sebastian either. Kurt had been so worried about keeping Sebastian's secret that he never imagined how it would affect everyone else around him. He never imagined they could run into Blaine at the mall, or that there would be a confrontation. Now Sebastian's secret had been revealed in the worst possible way, and Kurt was left in the middle of it feeling like it had been his fault.

Everything was a mess, and Kurt desperately needed to wash his hands... _Again_. It didn't matter that he had already washed them two times before; because somehow the feeling of Sebastian's blood on his skin wouldn't leave him. He poured a generous amount of the scented foam soap on his palms and rubbed his hands relentlessly under the faucet, diligently avoiding the mirror in front of him. Kurt didn't want to see his reflection, cause whenever he did, all he could see was the blood staining his clothes. The small stains of blood on his shirt and the mark of Sebastian's hand on his sleeve made Kurt feel sick to his stomach all over again.

Kurt's mind was reeling, and he knew he'd be on edge until Mrs. Smythe gave them news about Sebastian's condition. He didn't want to go back to the waiting room, but he had to.

Once Kurt came out of the bathroom, he spotted Mrs. Smythe walking towards Blaine and Trent and he rushed to where they were.

"How's Sebastian?" Kurt asked, trying to be calm but his nerves must have been more than evident.

"Kurt…" Mrs. Smythe hugged him. "He is fine… The doctors say he is stable. They had to cauterize his nose to stop the bleeding, but he is okay now."

Kurt felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he sighed, trying to smile. Beside him, Trent and Blaine were listening attentively as Mrs. Smythe continued speaking.

"He is going to have to spend the night here. The doctors are running some tests to check his platelet counts, and he is going to need a transfusion, since he lost a lot of blood… But he'll be fine."

"I'm so glad to hear that… I was so worried." Kurt said, feeling relieved. He wanted to ask Mrs. Smythe if he could see Sebastian, but he didn't know if it was appropriate or not to ask. Mrs. Smythe must have sensed it, because she held his hand, squeezing it affectionately and said: "Thank you so much for helping him, Kurt. Depending on how the tests turn out, Sebastian could get discharged tomorrow. So maybe you can visit us at home then."

"Okay… okay, I will."

"If anything else comes up, we'll let you know." She reassured him, "You can call Sebastian later. I'll make sure he has his phone with him."

"Okay, thank you." Kurt replied.

"I have to go back inside now, but thank you so much for being here for Sebastian." Mrs. Smythe told the three of them, smiling fondly and hugging Kurt for a last time before turning around and going back inside.

Kurt just stood there for a while, watching Mrs. Smythe as she walked down the hall. When he turned to his side, Kurt realized Trent and Blaine were looking at him expectantly. Kurt sighed deeply, wondering what was going to happen now.

...

When Sebastian opened his eyes he realized his nose felt numb and weird, and it hurt a little when he tried to move his lips. His mom and dad were sitting next to him, and Sebastian looked to his bedside and realized he was getting a blood transfusion. Somehow he'd been hoping everything to be just a bad dream, but alas, it had been real._ He was hospitalized again, and everything was a goddamn mess._

"Hey, how are you feeling?" His dad asked. But Sebastian just sighed, looking at the ceiling and feeling his eyes burn as they welled up with tears.

"Honey?" His mom asked, holding Sebastian's hand tightly and searching his face for answers.

Sebastian couldn't speak though. He could only feel a knot forming in his throat, every shuddering breath he tried to take hurt like a knife coming through his ribs. No matter how hard he tried to calm down, the tears just fell down his face and choked sobs started to escape him.

"Bastian, what's wrong?"

Sebastian balled his hands into fists and rubbed them harshly against his eyes. His hands were clenched so hard that he could feel the burning pain of his fingernails digging into his palms. Sebastian didn't say anything though, he just shook his head. He didn't' know what to say, or how to explain all the things that he was feeling. _Anger, frustration, despair._ He could only feel his heart beating fast inside his chest, dread pooling inside his stomach and his head spinning with a thousand different thoughts.

Sebastian hadn't even realized he was crying in earnest until he felt his mom take his hands away from his eyes and help him into a sitting position. She used the remote to move the hospital bed to a more vertical position and cradled Sebastian's face with her hands, looking deeply into his eyes.

"Honey what is it? Talk to us please." His mother pleaded, kissing his forehead tenderly, trying to soothe him, but the gesture only made Sebastian break down harder. He just shook his head and sobbed as his mother held him close. There was nothing to say, nothing his parents could do to help him. The thing he dreaded most had already happened. His secret was out now, Trent and Blaine knew he had cancer. Now it was just a matter of time until they both opened their mouths and babbled to everyone under the sun about it.

Sebastian felt frustrated, angry and helpless… he hated his body for betraying him like this. Hated his illness and the situation it put him in. So he cried, cause it was the only thing he could do. His mother handed him a tissue and Sebastian slowly wiped his eyes and nose. When he looked down at the tissue he realized it was stained pink, and his mom gasped when she saw it too.

"Bastian you're bleeding!"

"I'm calling the nurse." His dad said, reaching for the call button, but Sebastian stopped him.

"No! I'm f-fine dad… don't." Sebastian sniffled, hating himself inside for not being able to get a grip. He knew the crying would only make his recently cauterized nose worse. He was trying to ease down his breathing and to calm down, but was failing miserably.

"Are you sure, honey?" His mother asked, lifting his chin and looking at him, concerned. Sebastian nodded as he wiped away a few remaining tears from his cheek and looked down at his hands, which were slightly shaking. His mom was sitting in the bed beside him and his dad was standing on the other side, both silent and worried. They stayed there, expecting him to tell them what was wrong, but after a few minutes of silence Sebastian only said:

"Where's my phone? I need my phone."

...

The first thing that Kurt did when he got back home from the hospital was hug his dad tightly. Burt had been surprised by Kurt's sudden behavior, smiling and feeling a bit confused until he took a look at Kurt's appearance. Burt's smile fell off his face once he realized the white button down shirt his son was wearing was stained with blood.

Kurt sat down with his dad and just poured his heart out, telling him about everything that happened. Even though Sebastian was "fine" for now, Kurt still worried about him and his dad listened to him attentively as he let it all out. Burt was sympathetic and concerned for Sebastian as well.

Kurt was just glad that his dad had never had something like that happen to him, and he hoped he never did. As bad as it had gotten so far, his dad had only experienced pain coming as a side effect from the radiotherapy, nothing more. Cancer was so unpredictable though, and Kurt knew that today more than ever.

He went to his room and took a hot and long shower. The shirt Kurt was wearing was completely ruined, so he threw it away. He spent the rest of the evening just laying in bed and thinking about Sebastian. Kurt had his phone in his hand, holding it close to him in case anything happened. His hand itched to call Sebastian and ask him how he was, but he wasn't sure if Sebastian would be feeling well enough to talk. So he decided to text him instead.

**To Sebastian Smythe:**

**Hey, how are you feeling? Your mom said you'd be staying for the night :(**

**I hope they let you go soon, I know how much you hate being in the hospital.**

Sebastian taking a long time before replying to a text message was nothing new for Kurt, but somehow this time, every minute that passed without a reply only made Kurt feel antsy. When minutes became hours, Kurt started to feel a bit uneasy, but kept telling himself that Sebastian must have been tired and sleeping and maybe that was the reason why he hadn't replied yet.

Kurt figured Sebastian needed time and space to recover from everything that happened, so he went downstairs and watched a movie with his dad and Finn to help take his mind off of everything. The distraction worked for a while, but every now and then Kurt would still check his phone for new text messages, only to realize he didn't have any.

Later that night, when Kurt was about to go to bed, he couldn't help but wonder how Sebastian was doing. He still hadn't gotten a reply, but it was late and Kurt knew it had been a crazy day, so he decided to sleep and worry about Sebastian tomorrow. Kurt could call him in the morning and see how he was. Still, he sent one more text before getting into bed.

**To Sebastian Smythe:**

**I hope you're feeling better. Good night.**

The next morning, Kurt got up early because he had to go to the hospital with his dad. He was still feeling a little tired, so he decided to go make himself a cup of coffee and wait in the kitchen while he waited for his dad to come down. Kurt appreciated moments like this when he could be alone with his thoughts, especially at times like these when he had a lot of things going on. His dad was about to start his last week of treatment before the surgery, and he was going to have to go through blood tests and scans to determine how effective the radiotherapy had been so far.

Kurt sat in the table holding his hot cup of coffee in one hand and his phone in the other one. He decided to log into Facebook and see if there was anything new. Once he logged in, he checked his messages and that's when he realized something was wrong.

All his conversations with Sebastian were blank. His messages were still there but Sebastian's name and picture were gone. He did a quick search for Sebastian's profile and nothing came up. It only took a few minutes of clicking around and checking mutual friend's pages for Kurt to realize why that was: Sebastian had deleted his profile.

Kurt glanced at his nightstand clock and realized it was barely 6am, and perhaps still too early to call Sebastian, but he grabbed his phone and dialed his number anyway. Kurt knew even before he pressed the send button that Sebastian's phone would be turned off. But he had a tiny glimpse of hope that it wouldn't be the case.

"Hey, you've reached Sebastian Smythe. I'm obviously unavailable, so call again later, or leave a message after the beep."

When the "beep" came at the end of Sebastian's voicemail greeting, Kurt was still trying to process what was happening. His mind went blank and he didn't know what to say, so he just hung up. Kurt put down his phone and sighed, biting his lip.

_Was Sebastian shutting him out?_

...

Sebastian didn't get discharged on Sunday like the doctor's had originally said he would. After the blood transfusion, they said they needed to keep him one more day to be able to monitor his counts closely before releasing him.

Sebastian was scheduled for his next round of chemo on Monday, but that was not going to be possible after what happened. His platelet counts needed to recover before they could put his body through the strain of chemotherapy again.

The doctors were keeping track of his anxiety too, since Sebastian had been really stressed and he refused to tell anyone what he was feeling. Sebastian would just close in on himself and refuse to answer questions, insisting he was fine. But his restlessness, crying and shaking hands were a source of concern for the doctors.

Things had gotten so bad that Sebastian was given some Ativan to help calm him down. And while the medicine had helped, it also meant he felt drowsy and slept through most of the day. Even with the anxiety medication, Sebastian still held his phone in his hands or under the pillow, just to make sure his mom didn't turn it on.

Sebastian felt constantly on edge, replaying what happened at the mall in his head over and over again. Trent and Blaine showing up, the confrontation, then all the blood coming out of his nose and Kurt opening his big mouth about his cancer. Everyone knew he had leukemia now, and it was all Kurt's fault. Sebastian felt like the biggest idiot on earth, cursing himself for ever agreeing to go out with Kurt to the mall in the first place. He should have known someone could see him.

When he got to thinking about it, he knew it wasn't all Kurt's fault. Sebastian shared some of the blame too. He should have never allowed Kurt to visit him in the hospital. He should have never let Kurt get close to him. It was a recipe for disaster and Sebastian should have known it would end badly.

Now everyone knew about his cancer and Sebastian wanted nothing more than to disappear and forget about everything.

Sebastian had all but threatened his mom to not talk to anyone about his situation, not even Kurt. His mom was so worried about him that she had agreed to it, not because she thought it was a good idea, but just so Sebastian would stop stressing over it.

Sunday went by in a blur. Sebastian slept a lot, barely talked and forced himself to eat while trying to not think about what he was going to do when he got out of the hospital. He could see the concern and worry in his mom's face but was grateful that for once, she was just silently supportive and understanding instead of trying to make him talk to the therapist again.

Sebastian ended up being discharged until Monday morning. When he got home, he immediately went upstairs and locked himself in his room. He had no energy, physical or emotional, to do anything so he just dropped on the bed and slept until a knock on his door woke him up. By that time it was 2pm and his mom was bringing him lunch.

"Hey sweetie… how are you feeling?" His mom said, sitting beside him and putting a wooden tray with the food and utensils over the bedside table.

"I'm fine, I guess." Sebastian yawned, sitting up slowly and trying to smile.

"I brought you lunch, we made the pasta with mushrooms that you like so much, and also a small salad. Are you hungry?"

"Hmmm… Not much, but the food smells great… Thanks mom."

Sebastian reached out and grabbed the tray. The food did smell amazing. He started to play around with his fork, hoping that his appetite would kick in so he could enjoy it. From the corner of his eye he could see his mom just staring silently at him, like she wanted to say something but didn't know how.

Sebastian started eating, but his mom just sitting there was starting to unnerve him.

"Is something wrong?"

"No… nothing honey."

Sebastian didn't believe that for one second. He continued to eat and could tell his mom had something on her mind. She kept looking at him and then decidedly at the wall, playing with the hem of her blouse and crossing her fingers over and over.

"Mom… What is it?" Sebastian finally asked, already dreading the answer when he saw his mom sigh and bite her lip.

"Kurt called…" She said, and Sebastian almost choked on his food. "A couple of hours ago, but you were sleeping. He asked me how you were and if you'd been discharged, and I just-"

"Oh my god, I can't believe this." Sebastian said, anger settling in his stomach and appetite completely gone. "Mom, I _told_ you not to talk-"

"Bastian, don't do this!" She cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "Kurt is worried about you. He just wants to know how you are doing, but your phone is turned off. That's why he called me. Honey… he is your friend!"

Sebastian just sighed, rubbing his face with his hands and pushing away the tray with his food half-finished.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Sebastian…"

"Mom, can you just go… please? I'm tired and I want to sleep."

"Honey…" his mom tried, putting her hand over his leg but Sebastian just got off from the bed and walked towards his bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Sebastian stayed inside the bathroom for a long while, leaning against the door, breathing harshly and desperately trying not to cry until he heard his mom close his bedroom door as she left. Once she was gone, Sebastian rushed back into his room and searched his bedside drawer frantically until he found his phone.

Sebastian grabbed the phone and quickly turned it on. Sebastian looked at the screen and realized he had two new voicemail messages, and six new text messages. He felt his stomach turning with dread as he opened his inbox and realized 3 texts were from Kurt, 1 from his sister, 1 from Trent and 1 from... Blaine?

_What the fuck?_

Blaine had been ready to punch Sebastian in the face before he found out something was wrong with him. Now all of the sudden Blaine cared about him? _Fuck that. Fuck everything._ Sebastian wanted nothing to do with Blaine, or with any of them. He didn't need anyone's pity.

Sebastian was so angry that he wanted to scream, but instead of doing that, he composed a new text message.

**To Kurt Hummel:**

**Stop calling my mom... I'm fine.**

**LEAVE ME ALONE.**

Sebastian's hands were shaking by the time he finished typing it, and he hesitated for half a second before pressing the send button, but he did. Once the message had been sent, Sebastian immediately felt sick to his stomach. His breathing was getting out of control again and he felt his eyes welling up with tears as a wave of unforgiving self-hatred washed over him.

_What the fuck was he doing? What was going to happen now?_

Suddenly, his phone started buzzing. When Sebastian looked at the screen he felt like he wanted to die. It was an incoming call from Trent. Something snapped inside Sebastian in that moment, and he threw his phone away with all his strength, slamming it against the wall and crushing it to pieces.

When his mom and dad rushed into Sebastian's bedroom to see what was going on, they found him curled into a ball on the floor beside his bed, panting and with his face buried in his hands. Sebastian wasn't crying this time, but he felt like he was drowning all the same.

...

When Tuesday came along, Kurt drove down to Cleveland again with his dad. They always left very early to be able to make it on time for his dad's 9am appointment, and more often that not, Burt dozed off in the car while Kurt was driving.

Kurt's head was a mess of thoughts and conflicting emotions, and as much as he tried to focus on the road, his mind always gravitated back to Sebastian. Kurt couldn't help but think about him. He wondered how Sebastian was doing, and how he was holding up. Mrs. Smythe told him that Sebastian was scheduled for his next round of chemotherapy this week, but that they weren't sure if he would be eligible for it until they ran some tests to check his platelet counts again. Mrs. Smythe also mentioned how she was worried about Sebastian because he'd been struggling with anxiety and stress. Kurt wished more than anything that he could talk to Sebastian and tell him that things would be alright, but Sebastian wanted nothing to do with him.

Kurt had been so happy at first when he saw he had a new text message from Sebastian, but when he read it, every word felt like a slap to the face. Kurt had been so hurt when he got Sebastian's text, telling him to leave him alone, but after a while of sulking and feeling regret over all the things that he could have done differently, Kurt was left feeling angry and disappointed. The fact that Sebastian was pushing everyone away from him just made Kurt feel upset and helpless.

He couldn't believe Sebastian was being so stubborn. And the thing was, Kurt was stubborn too, but he knew better than to push this situation when Sebastian was in a lot of stress as it was. It was unhealthy for Sebastian to isolate himself from people who cared about him, but Kurt couldn't do anything about it at the moment.

Unfortunately for Kurt, he still thought about Sebastian a lot. He worried about Sebastian, because the truth was that he cared about him, and even if he didn't want to admit it, Kurt even missed Sebastian.

Kurt had gotten used to spending time with Sebastian while he waited for his dad to get his treatments. Now there he was, sitting alone in the waiting room, bored and feeling antsy, wondering if Sebastian was somewhere in the hospital as well. He couldn't know, since Mrs. Smythe didn't tell him, and after Sebastian's angry text, Kurt had not called his mom again.

With almost an entire hour to spare, Kurt was just fooling around with his phone and checking his Facebook even though there was nothing interesting for him there. Suddenly, Kurt remembered a certain friend request he'd previously ignored. He went to check his pending friend requests and found it: Alex Hershel.

Kurt sighed, feeling slightly uncomfortable as he realized that this was another thing he'd kept from Sebastian. At first Kurt just hadn't been sure how to bring up the subject without upsetting Sebastian when he'd just gotten out of the hospital; and then with everything else that had been going on with his dad, Kurt had completely forgotten about it.

In all honesty, Kurt just had better things to worry about than random Facebook friend requests, like caring for his sick father while he was suffering from painful side effects from the radiation therapy he was receiving. But in that moment, as he sat there in the waiting room, bored out of his mind and with a lot of time to spare, Kurt decided he would just do it. He stared at Alex's name and picture on the screen for a couple of seconds before finally clicking the "confirm" button.

Kurt wondered if doing this was a mistake, but he was just so bored and frustrated with Sebastian that he didn't care anymore. Besides, Sebastian wasn't even on Facebook to notice that he was friends with his cousin now.

So Kurt accepted the friend request and then proceeded to lurk around Alex's profile for a while, checking out his profile pictures and albums. Kurt felt a little bit like a stalker, but he figured that Alex would probably do the same thing once he realized Kurt had finally accepted his friend request. Kurt was browsing through Alex's profile pictures, looking at them curiously and trying to figure out what Alex's life was about.

He seemed like a regular guy. He was still in high school, a jock most likely, if all the pictures of basketball games were anything to go by. Alex seemed like a regular guy, except he also had a lot of pictures from church camps and all his favorite quotations were bible verses. Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes as he read them, even though there wasn't anything blatantly anti-gay in his page.

After a while of snooping around Kurt got bored, so he decided to log off, but just when he was about to do it, he got a new message notification.

**Alex:** Hi… thanks for adding me.

_Oh damn._ Sebastian's cousin was online and messaging him. Kurt stared at the single lined message for a few minutes before deciding to reply.

**Kurt:** Hi.

**Alex:** How are you?

**Kurt:** I'm good… You?

**Alex:** Same… all good... What are you doing?

Kurt didn't know what he expected from this conversation, but this was definitely not it. Alex was just talking to him like they knew each other. So Kurt decided to just go with it and talk to him. Kurt told him he was waiting for his dad to come out from his radiation treatment... Alex gave Kurt his sympathies once Kurt explained it was because his dad had prostrate cancer. Alex told Kurt about how his dad passed away five years ago from a heart attack and Kurt was able to relate, since his mom passed away when he was eight.

They managed to have a fairly pleasant conversation until the inevitable subject came up.

**Alex:** Can I ask you something?

**Kurt:** Sure.

**Alex:** How is Sebastian doing?

Kurt bit his lip and hesitated for a while before responding. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. What would Sebastian be comfortable with Kurt saying to his estranged cousin? Knowing Sebastian, Kurt knew he probably wouldn't be too happy about it; and considering Sebastian wasn't even talking to him at the moment, Kurt knew if he found out he'd probably yell at him or something. But since Kurt had already accepted Alex's friend request, he figured he could at least give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

**Kurt: **Sebastian is not doing so well. But I guess you knew that much.

**Alex:** Yeah :(

**Kurt:** Have you spoken to him?

**Alex:** No... Not really.

**Kurt:** Not really, or not at all?

Alex didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, and for a moment Kurt thought he'd dropped the conversation altogether. But then he started typing again.

**Alex:** He told you huh?

**Kurt:** Told me what?

**Alex:** That we don't speak.

**Kurt:** Kind of.

**Alex:** Did he say why?

That was a trick question, and Kurt knew he had the opportunity to make it into a turning point. He wasn't about to just tell this guy everything Sebastian had told him in confidence. Kurt was going to make him think about his own part in the situation.

**Kurt:** Can I ask you something first?

**Alex:** Sure...

**Kurt:** Why do you think you don't speak?

**Alex:** Um… what do you mean?

**Kurt:** Why haven't YOU spoken to Sebastian? I know why he doesn't speak to you. I want to know why you haven't... before I tell you.

Alex was silent for whole three minutes, and Kurt was almost certain this time he would actually stop replying, but then he replied again.

**Alex:** I don't know… it's just complicated I guess.

That was a lie, this guy _had to know_. Kurt wasn't about to indulge his denial so he decided to just be up front about it.

**Kurt:** Is it because he's gay?

**Alex:** No! Of course not...

**Kurt:** Then it shouldn't be complicated, Alex. Not really.

**Alex:** I wish it was that simple.

Kurt almost felt bad for Alex, but he wasn't there to feel bad for him. Kurt could remember the hurt and betrayal in Sebastian's eyes when he'd told him about his aunt and how she started behaving once Sebastian came out. This guy was their age, he was old enough to make his own choices. If Alex really cared about his cousin he had to stop talking to Kurt and talk to Sebastian instead.

**Kurt:** Tell me something Alex, and be honest. Do you care about Sebastian?

**Alex:** Yes, of course I do.

**Kurt:** Do you want to be in his life again?

**Alex:** Yes… I do, but...

**Kurt:** Then think about the reasons why you stopped talking. He told me you guys used to be very close. Why did that change? What could possibly be so important that you lose relationship with your cousin like that? What is stopping you?

Kurt didn't expect Alex to admit to being homophobic or anything, but he wondered how he was going to reply to his question, since it was extremely direct.

**Alex:** It's stupid.

Stupid? Kurt didn't expect Alex to use that word. If he really was distancing himself because of his beliefs, surely he wouldn't call them stupid, would he? Not if he was as Christian as he appeared to be.

**Kurt:** What is stupid?

**Alex:** Me...I was stupid.

**Kurt:** Why? What did you do?

**Alex: **I shouldn't have let it happen, but then we just grew apart and now I think Sebastian hates me.

_I think he hates your mom,_ Kurt thought to himself, but he wasn't about to type that out.

**Kurt:** Talk to him, Alex.

**Alex:** I can't. I think he blocked me...

**Kurt:** No, he didn't block you. He deleted his profile.

**Alex:** Why?

**Kurt:** Talk to him and find out.

**Alex:** But he doesn't want to see me.

Kurt sighed; he knew that feeling all too well. Sebastian didn't want to see him either. But he wasn't going to admit that to Alex. If Sebastian wanted to push Kurt away, he could deal with that, as much as it hurt. But Alex was Sebastian's family, and he shouldn't give up on Sebastian without a fight.

**Kurt:** Did he tell you he doesn't want to see you?

**Alex:** Well, no... but my uncle told my mom that Sebastian was really upset when she visited him in the hospital.

**Kurt:** But you still visited him again after that.

**Alex:** Yeah, my mom insisted... I didn't really want to go.

**Kurt:** Why's that?

**Alex:** Honestly? I did want to see Sebastian but I didn't want to go because my mom wanted to go pray for him. The only reason we didn't do it was because you were there.

Huh? That was interesting. Kurt was glad in a way because he didn't know how he would have reacted if they wanted to pray for Sebastian while he was in the room. It would have been super awkward, not to mention if Sebastian would've woken up mid-prayer, he would have lost his mind right then and there.

**Kurt:** So you don't want to pray for him… you just want to see him?

**Alex:** Yes. I mean, I do pray for him… but I do it in my own time. I know Sebastian doesn't like praying and all… So he wouldn't like it if I tried to do it.

That seemed like a reasonable way of thinking to Kurt. So he decided to encourage Alex to visit Sebastian. Maybe it was a bad idea, but maybe something good could come out of it.

**Kurt: **I think you should try visiting him at home… by yourself.

**Alex:** Did he say something about my mom?

**Kurt:** Alex, just do it.

**Alex:** Okay.

**Kurt:** Don't tell him you talked to me though.

**Alex:** Why not?

**Kurt:** Trust me, just don't.

Kurt figured if Alex made up his mind and really visited Sebastian it could go two ways. Either they would be able to make amends and talk again, or Sebastian would be pissed off and cut him out like he did with everyone else. Kurt didn't want to be in the middle of it either way, he was already interfering too much just by talking to Alex like this.

Kurt breathed in and looked up at the clock hanging from the wall in the waiting room. His dad would be done soon, and he would finally be able to go home. There was barely any battery left on his phone, so he decided to say goodbye to Alex and log out from Facebook. Soon enough his dad came out and Kurt got up to help him get to the car so they could go back home.

...

It was almost ten thirty when Sebastian and his mom arrived at the hospital. Sebastian had slept through most the drive but then woke up a few minutes before they got there when his mom's phone rang with an incoming call from someone she was supposed to meet up with later. His mom was still on the phone when she parked the car, and Sebastian was about to unfasten his seatbelt when he looked up and froze.

Walking right in front of their car was Kurt, holding his father's hand as they walked to their car. Sebastian went completely rigid, fearing the slightest movement would make Kurt notice him. Luckily for him, Kurt was too concentrated helping his dad get in the car to realize Sebastian and his mom were parked practically in front of them.

Sebastian's stomach felt heavy all of the sudden, a mix of nerves and dread shaking him all over to the point where his hands started trembling. He breathed in and sat back, gripping the seatbelt tightly until his knuckles were white. Sebastian was thankful that his mom was still distracted on the phone and hadn't noticed the Hummels were just a few feet away from them.

The expression on Kurt's face as he walked with his father was caring but at the same time tainted with worry. That look was all too familiar for Sebastian, cause it had been almost the same look Kurt had on his face the last time they'd been together, when Sebastian was rushed to the hospital in the ambulance. As much as Sebastian tried to ignore it, he felt remorse about the text message he'd sent Kurt, but it was done and there was nothing he could do about it now. He'd made his choice.

His mom was looking for something inside her purse while she talked on the phone, and Sebastian couldn't do anything else but sit there and watch as Kurt got into his car. Sebastian's eyes were glued to Kurt watching his every move, and his nerves on edge hoping Kurt wouldn't look his way, _but then it happened._ Sebastian felt a sting of electricity run from the top of his head and down his spine as Kurt put his hands over the steering wheel and looked up, staring straight into his eyes.

Sebastian's breath hitched, and Kurt's bright blue eyes went wide as he recognized Sebastian from inside his car. Sebastian did his best to keep his face straight and emotionless as Kurt pressed his lips into a tight, sad smile. Every fiber of his being was screaming, but Sebastian didn't smile back, he just clenched his jaw and huffed, turning his face to the side and looking away, appearing bitter, indifferent and cold in the outside when he was just screaming inside.

From the corner of his eye, Sebastian saw Kurt's car slowly pull out of the parking spot and drive away. Sebastian didn't dare to look Kurt's way; he just breathed in as he felt a wave of nausea threatening to overcome him. Sebastian thought he'd feel relieved when Kurt drove away, but the relief never came. Instead, he felt overwhelmed by regret, longing and self-loathing.

"Are you okay honey?" His mom asked, putting her hand over Sebastian's. "Your hands are shaking."

"Um… no, I'm just… It's nothing. I'm fine. Let's go."

Sebastian could tell his mom was worried about him, with the way she kept looking at him as they got out of the car and walked over to the oncology ward. Sebastian had never been this way before, but ever since what happened at the mall, he'd been constantly on edge and had two panic attacks. It was the most awful thing Sebastian ever experienced, even worse than the stupid nosebleed. He felt like he was unattached from reality, drowning in his own misery and completely unable to control his body.

Sebastian had to get some tests done in order to find out if he would be able to do the next round of chemo or not. Blood was drawn and they were told to wait. About fifteen minutes later, it was decided that aside from the anxiety issues, Sebastian was fit to receive the chemotherapy.

Sebastian begged his mom not to have him hospitalized this time, but the doctor said they would have to wait and see. He sat in the recliner chair in the chemotherapy room as the nurse hooked up to the IV line to his chest port and tried to tune out what was happening around him. Usually, Sebastian hated the Benadryl, but today he was glad they were giving it to him because he wanted nothing more than to disconnect himself from reality.

Sebastian closed his eyes and tried as much as he could to relax, but he couldn't help but remember how different things were the last time he'd had chemo. He'd been in a private room with Kurt by his side… but he'd also been hospitalized for several days, and this time would be different, it would be better. As he dozed off, Sebastian kept wishing for this time to be better. Soon, the drugs kicked in and Sebastian fell asleep.

...

"Is he your boyfriend?" A girl's voice shook Sebastian out of his haze.

"W-hat? Who?" Sebastian rubbed his eyes harshly. He felt a little groggy and jittery, probably because of the Benadryl. When he turned to his side, he noticed the girl sitting a few feet away in another recliner chair. She had dark brown hair that fell on her shoulders and bright blue eyes. She was smiling and looking at him expectantly.

"Kurt, is he your boyfriend?" She asked again.

"K-kurt?"

"Yes… You were just telling me about him."

Sebastian felt heat spreading up his neck and across his face.

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were." The girl gave him a knowing look and rolled her eyes. "You kept saying all sorts of amazing things about him, so I figured he must be your boyfriend."

Sebastian just frowned. In the midst of his drug-induced state, he hadn't realized he'd been talking, and about Kurt no less. He didn't even know what to say to the girl, he just frowned and looked at his feet, shaking his head embarrassedly.

"You kept saying his name, and when I asked you who he was you started telling me about how he was coming over. _Kurt is great... Kurt is bringing me cake, Kurt gave me this, Kurt said that…_ _Kurt, Kurt, Kurt!_"

"Okay, can you cut it out?"

The girl raised her eyebrows and huffed. "Okaaay… No need to be rude! You're the one who kept blabbering about him, I was just trying to be nice."

The girl looked upset, and Sebastian felt a little bit bad about snapping at her, he was just so tired.

"I'm sorry. But, he's _not_ my boyfriend."

Sebastian remained thoughtful, trying to remember what he could have possibly been babbling about. He didn't realize he'd been talking out loud, but he _had_ been thinking about Kurt ever since he saw him in the parking lot.

"I remember you, from the support group." The girl said, leaning over slightly so she could take a better look at Sebastian. "I knew you looked familiar. I don't quite remember your name, but I do remember you said you were there with your boyfriend. Is he Kurt?"

Sebastian wanted to kick himself in that moment. Why had he ever thought it was a good idea to say Kurt was his boyfriend at the cancer youth meeting? It was stupid, and he couldn't tell the truth without looking absolutely pathetic, so he decided to roll with it by being as vague as possible.

"Yeah, but… I mean we're not, ugh... Just forget it."

"You weren't saying anything personal, if that's what you're worried about." She said teasingly, and Sebastian turned to look at her, confused. "You were just telling me random things about him… From what you said I can see he is pretty great."

"I'm Erin, by the way." She said, stretching out her arm to shake his hand. Sebastian couldn't help but smile awkwardly.

"I'm Sebastian."

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes. There wasn't anything else going on in the room, except for the TV that had the volume muted. Other 2 people were getting chemo in the other side of the room, but one was sleeping and the other one was reading a book. Sebastian kept looking at his IV and realized he would probably have to be there for at least another hour.

"So, did you guys break up or something?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes and groaned, pulling his beanie over his eyes.

"What? I'm just trying to have a conversation… I've been sitting here for hours and it's boring as hell."

Sebastian stared at Erin and realized she was serious about the conversation, much to his chagrin.

"I'm a good listener" She insisted.

Erin didn't know him, he didn't know her; they were strangers and would probably never see each other again after that day. So Sebastian just sighed and gave up, figuring he really had nothing to lose by talking to her.

"Yes… we kinda broke up, I guess."

"Aw, I'm sorry... That sucks."

Sebastian just nodded silently, figuring that would be the end of that conversation, but alas, it wasn't.

"What happened?"

"I uh… It's complicated, but I'd rather not talk about it."

"Hmm… He broke up with you, didn't he?"

"What… Why would you think that?"

"Well… I don't know, maybe just because of the way you were talking about him, it sounds like you still love him."

Sebastian felt a sting of regret twisting uncomfortably inside him when she said that. A small voice in the back of his head kept telling him that he did care about Kurt, but he was trying his best to ignore those feelings, to bury them in the back of his mind so he could keep Kurt away... and to keep _everyone_ else away as well.

"Is that a wig you're wearing?" Sebastian blurted out, desperately trying to change the subject.

Erin looked at him and rose and eyebrow, but smiled all the same. "No, it's my natural hair… you like it?"

Natural hair? Sebastian was confused. "How long have you been doing chemo?"

"Three months."

Erin was smiling proudly, and Sebastian gave her a skeptical look. "Three months, and you still have your hair?"

"Yeah… I'm immune to the side effects of chemo." She said with a wink and a smile, and Sebastian just rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless.

"I'm kidding."

"So it _is_ a wig?"

"Hmm…" She shrugged, lacing her fingers through one of her locks "Yes, and no."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means it's a wig, but it's made with my hair. So I don't consider it a wig, even though it kind of is… You know?"

"How did you even do that?"

"It's simple… When the doctor told me I'd lose my hair because of the chemo, I shaved it all off and made it into a wig, that way I could still have my hair."

Sebastian was shell-shocked. He'd been so apprehensive of his hair and this girl just completely shaved it all before it even began to fall off. She was clever, and Sebastian wished he could have done something like that. Though he seriously doubted a wig would look half as good on him as it did on her.

"You wanna try it on?" She asked; reaching to her head like she was going to take the wig off. Sebastian made a horrified face, but Erin started laughing before he could even say anything to her. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding!"

Erin was laughing out loud and her vibrant mood was so contagious that Sebastian couldn't help but laugh too. It was ridiculous, but Sebastian hadn't smiled in days, and just sitting there with that girl cracking jokes was a much-needed break for him.

As the time passed, Sebastian and Erin started talking about random things, like their hobbies, their favorite TV shows and even about sports. Erin loved animals and told Sebastian all sorts of stories about her pets. She had 2 cats and a dog and lots of anecdotes to tell. Sebastian shared a few stories from when his cat, Lily, was a kitten and he had to train her to use the litter box.

As reluctant as Sebastian had been at the beginning, he ended up being glad he had someone to talk to cause it helped time pass by quicker. His mom had gone to run some errands while Sebastian got his treatment, but he knew she'd be back soon.

Erin must have been there before Sebastian because she was done with her chemo when he still had some time to go. Right after the nurse came to hook her off her IV, she stood up and turned to look at Sebastian.

"Gotta go now… hope you're done soon."

"Thanks. I hope so too."

"It was really nice talking to you."

"Yeah… same."

Erin smiled and started walking away but suddenly turned back around and said: "Oh and… Good luck with Kurt!"

Sebastian just rolled his eyes and smiled, shaking his head.

"I'm serious! Whatever happened between you guys, I hope you can figure it out. Remember life's too short to stay mad about things that don't matter!"

Sebastian just frowned and smiled tightly, and Erin winked at him before turning around and leaving the room. Sebastian hadn't even told her what had happened between him and Kurt, yet her words resonated in his mind for a long time after she was gone.

As much as he refused to admit it, Sebastian knew she had a point, but keeping people at bay was what he had always done. Sebastian was fine a few months ago when he was on his own. He didn't need Kurt, or anyone… _at least that's what he kept telling himself._ No matter how much Sebastian wished that he could have done things differently with regards to Kurt and everything else, he felt like the mess was much too big and scary, and he was just too tired to try to change it now.

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ Someone asked a few days ago when I was going to update and I couldn't reply cause they were anon. I try to write as fast as I can but you must know that I also have another story going on at the moment ("Lying from You" – it's Coopbastian), and I try to take turns updating both of them so that's why sometimes it takes a while. Remember you can always message me here, or in my tumblr, I'm 'totoropirate' there._

_Thanks so much for leaving lovely comments, they are very encouraging! :)_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Author's note: **__Hey guys! So here's why this chapter took a while: I am doing this new thing where I don't post a chapter until the next one is done. So I wanted to post this until I had chapter 14 finished... this way I could always have a chance to add or change things as I write the next one! Thanks to everyone who messaged me asking for an update, I appreciate your enthusiasm and patience. I love you all. Hope you enjoy this chapter... *hides away in a corner*_

* * *

"Everything okay?"

"Um… yeah..." Kurt said, his eyes drifting from Sebastian and staring decidedly at his hands instead. He grabbed the steering wheel firmly and breathed in, trying to ignore the sting of rejection burning deep inside his chest and smiling half-heartedly at his dad.

"I just can't wait to get home."

"Well, that makes two of us kiddo. Let's go!"

Kurt started the car and spared one last glance at Sebastian before pulling out of the parking spot. He could see Mrs. Smythe talking on the phone, smiling distracted and unaware of the tense moment her son and Kurt just shared. Sebastian was looking out the window; his posture indifferent and cold. Kurt could feel the hostility oozing out of him even though they were several feet away from each other in their respective cars.

Kurt was upset, and for a moment, he almost wished he'd run into Sebastian inside the hospital instead, because maybe then Kurt could have at least said something; but alas, Sebastian didn't even want to look at him.

The worst part was that Kurt couldn't even understand _why._ Kurt sighed, shaking his head in frustration before driving away. The ache in his heart was an all too familiar feeling; it was the feeling that came from caring too much about someone who just _didn't. _

...

After Sebastian was done with chemo, he was evaluated and his doctor allowed him to able to go back home with his mom. Sebastian was glad that he didn't have to stay in the hospital, even though he felt drowsy, jittery, and had no energy to even leave the bed once he got home. Sebastian just lied in bed and slept for 7 hours straight. He alternated between consciousness and sleep, with his mom checking on him every now and then and with Lily curled up by his side, purring.

Whenever his mom got him food, Sebastian ate a little even though he wasn't really hungry. He had to force himself to eat even if he was nauseous because the doctors let him go home with the condition that his parents would keep a close eye on him. Sebastian didn't want to be hospitalized again. He felt safe in his house, because he was certain no one would bother him there. Even if someone wanted to surprise visit him, Sebastian had given the house staff strict instructions to not let anyone in. Right now, fresh out from chemo and feeling like absolute shit, Sebastian just wanted to be alone.

The second day was a little better. Sebastian had more appetite and he got out of bed to have lunch downstairs with his mom. He stayed in the living room afterwards, watching movies for a little while before falling asleep again. He woke up when his dad came back from work and he sat down with him to talk for a while before dinner.

"How was your day?" His dad asked.

Sebastian just shrugged, "Fine I guess... A little better than yesterday, at least."

"Did you have lunch?"

"Yeah… I did. I haven't been very nauseous today, luckily."

"I'm glad to hear that... How have you been feeling? Everything alright?" His dad didn't even have to say it specifically, Sebastian knew he was talking about his anxiety. Sebastian still felt a little stressed at times, but it wasn't as bad as it had been a few days ago.

"Good... I'm okay dad, promise."

"That's great son, I'm glad the medicine is helping."

Sebastian just nodded and they both sat in silence for a couple of minutes until his dad spoke again.

"I've been thinking we could go to the lake house next week… how does that sound?"

"The lake house? With whom?"

"Just your mom, you and I… unless you want to invite someone else to come with us too. I leave it up to you."

Sebastian looked down at his hands and smiled sadly. He loved going to Lake Erie, and they hadn't been up there in a long time. The prospect of going to their family's lake house was appealing but at the same time Sebastian couldn't help but feel nostalgic. His dad was obviously trying to cheer him up with the trip to the lake house, but all it did was remind Sebastian of how alone he truly was.

Last time they'd gone to the lake house was eight months ago, for Sebastian's 17th birthday. He'd invited most of the Warblers and some of the guys from the lacrosse team and threw a big party. Now he hadn't spoken to anyone from Dalton in almost three months, so he really had no one to invite.

The only person Sebastian had been spending time with lately was Kurt, but not anymore. Sebastian's current situation with Kurt was worse than with his former Dalton friends, because the Warblers had no idea what happened to him, he was just ignoring them... but with Kurt, Sebastian had been quite clear and rude about how he wanted him to stay away. If Kurt was as smart as Sebastian knew he was, he wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore, and it was probably better that way.

For a minute, Sebastian's thoughts gravitated back to Kurt... and he couldn't help but wonder about him. Sebastian wondered how mad at him Kurt was now... if he'd been hurt by what he'd told him or if maybe Kurt had just gone back to hating him now. They were starting to get to know each other quite well, but there were lots of things Sebastian still didn't know, like whether Kurt was an outdoors kind of person or not; if he liked to swim, or hike. Sebastian didn't know if something like going to his family's lake house would appeal to Kurt at all... Not that it mattered anyway.

Sebastian couldn't help but feel a bitter pang of regret and longing as he thought of Kurt, but he quickly shoved it to the back of his mind, desperately trying to ignore it.

"By the way, I got your new phone." His dad said, pulling Sebastian out of his thoughts. He reached down for his briefcase and pulled out the small iPhone box. "It's already programmed with your number, you just have to sync up your contacts again."

"Um... Thanks, dad." Sebastian was a little embarrassed for breaking his phone in a fit of rage. His parents shouldn't be getting him a new one, he didn't deserve it, and he didn't really want it.

Sebastian only turned it on and tweaked it a bit so his dad would feel better.

"Please keep it turned on." His father pleaded, reaching out and squeezing Sebastian's shoulder affectionately. "Catherine has been asking about you, we told her that you'd have a new phone by tonight. She wants to call you."

Sebastian breathed in, "Okay dad, I will."

Every minute his phone spent turned on had Sebastian on edge. He went through dinner fearing it would ring or that he would get more text messages, but nothing happened. Sebastian went back to his room and just before going to bed, his phone started ringing. Sebastian's heart almost stopped until he realized it was his sister.

_"Hey baby brother, how are you?"_

Sebastian smiled upon hearing his sister's voice, she was only two years older than him, but the fact that she called him baby brother still made him feel special and loved.

"Hey Cath… I'm good. Was just about to go to bed, actually."

_"I'm glad to see you have your phone again, I've been trying to call you for days."_

"Yeah, sorry about that."

_"Mom told me about what happened… are you okay?"_

Sebastian sighed. "Yeah... I'm okay... I'll be okay."

The moment had the potential to turn into something awkward, but then Catherine started talking again, _"I wish you were living here with me now… You're gonna love it here in New York, Bastian. There are all sorts of amazing things we can do together. I swear you're gonna love it when you come here."_

Sebastian smiled, thankful that his sister was not lecturing him. Sebastian loved her for that, because she'd only ask him about how he was doing without asking specifics, and that made their conversations easier. Sebastian would rather listen to his sister's exciting tales about her life in New York than have to awkwardly admit how his life had been reduced to hospital visits, anxiety attacks and self-imposed isolation.

Catherine always spoke with the certainty that Sebastian would join her in the big city in the fall, even though it was highly unlikely that Sebastian would, since he was most likely going to fail his senior year. Catherine didn't care though, she kept the conversation normal and asked Sebastian about other things that had nothing to do with his illness.

She promised Sebastian she would call and text him every night. Sebastian felt better after talking with his sister, so every night he made sure to turn on his cell so he could take her calls, even if he still didn't want to talk to anyone else.

The phone was brand new, which meant none of his information, emails or text messages were in it anymore. He'd broken the other phone before even reading any of the 6 text messages he had, and now they were gone. Sebastian would never know what those messages said, and even though he guessed it was probably better that way, Sebastian couldn't help to feel a little bit curious.

Sebastian knew the voicemail messages would still be available if he dialed for them, but he didn't want to. He wasn't ready yet. Sebastian was starting to calm down after days of madness, so he didn't want to feed his brain any reasons to lose his mind again. With how bad he was feeling because of the chemo, Sebastian was sure having another panic attack might actually kill him.

Sebastian took his medicine and got into bed. An upside of having anxiety meds and pain killers was the dreamless sleep. Sebastian was happy to take a break from all the conflicting emotions and thoughts that were making a mess of his head. He just closed his eyes and woke up almost 10 hours later when Alice, one of the maids, brought him breakfast.

There were ups and downs though. At times when he felt better, Sebastian would go out of his room and walk around the house. But most of the times he would just stay in bed and feel like he wanted to just give up and die.

On Friday morning Sebastian forced himself to go outside to his back yard, figuring maybe some fresh air would make him feel better. He'd been awake, laying in bed for hours and didn't want to stay there when he couldn't sleep.

Sebastian walked towards the pool and sat in one of the poolside loungers with his iPod and wrapped himself in a blanket. The morning light was soft and the house was quiet around him. Their yard was big, with green grass and numerous flower and rose bushes adorning the garden. The sound of the wind against the leaves of the nearby trees helped relax him a little. That day was a little warmer than the last few days had been, but it was still a little cold. Sebastian always seemed to feel cold these days anyway, but despite the slight chilliness, it felt good to be outside for a while.

Sebastian sat there by himself for a while and ate breakfast by the pool. Any other day Sebastian would have found it relaxing, but even with the slight change of scenery, little by little the loneliness started taking its toll on him.

Sebastian was deep in thought when he realized there was someone standing in the other side of the pool, staring at him. Sebastian propped himself up on his elbows and frowned.

"Alex?"

His cousin smiled nervously and waved, slowly walking around the pool so he could get to where Sebastian was.

It had been so long since Sebastian had seen him, and his head felt a little fuzzy but he was sure he wasn't hallucinating. Sebastian had no idea what Alex was doing in his house, especially on a school day.

"Can I sit down?" Alex asked, standing awkwardly in front of Sebastian.

Sebastian shrugged, "Yeah… Uh, what are you doing here?"

Alex breathed in as he sat down in the lounger next to Sebastian's and put his backpack on the floor.

"I just wanted to come say hi."

Sebastian frowned, disbelieving. "Shouldn't you be in school right now?"

"Yeah, but... I ditched."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, feeling simultaneously impressed and confused. Had Alex really ditched school to come see him? That made no sense, and Sebastian had no idea what was going on through his cousin's mind.

"You're going to get in trouble."

Alex just shrugged, still staring at the pool. "Yeah well, I don't really care."

Sebastian huffed, and none of them said anything for a while. They just sat in the loungers, looking at the water and the trees. Sebastian was not going to be the one to start talking, he was busy thinking about how loud he was going to yell at the house staff for letting someone in when he had instructed them not to.

"So... How have you been?"

"Fine... Cancer is a walk in the park!" Sebastian said, sardonically.

Silence settled between them again, the moment slowly changing from awkward to tense as Sebastian sat there, wrapped in his blanket while Alex just sat in the chair beside him, doing nothing but staring at the pool.

"Uncle Joseph told us about what happened, with the nosebleed and-"

"I'm not dying, you know?" Sebastian interrupted him. "In case _that's_ what you're worried about. It was _just a nosebleed_… having cancer just kinda made it worse. So you can rest assured that I'm going to be fine… _Just fine._"

From the corner of his eye, Sebastian could see Alex shaking his head slightly. Sebastian hoped his hostility was clear enough for Alex to get the message that he didn't want him there. Alex remained quiet as Sebastian continued speaking.

"I finished my first cycle of chemo, and now I'm on the second one. I'm sure in a couple of months I'll be out of the woods and back to normal. So, you don't have to be here, really. Besides, I'm sure your mom will be pissed if she finds out you're here."

Alex frowned, "Wait… What do you mean? I'm here because I want to Seb, I'm just worried about you."

"Well don't!" Sebastian said angrily, scowling at his cousin. "Don't worry about me Alex, don't feel bad for me. I'm fine… I'll be fine. You don't have to come visit me just because you feel bad for me or whatever."

"That's not why I'm here, Sebastian."

"Then what is it? Why are you here?"

"Do I need a reason? You're my cousin Seb... I mean… I care about you. Isn't that enough?"

Sebastian laughed bitterly. "Oh... You care about me? That's interesting, considering you've been avoiding me for months now."

Alex buried his face in his hands and shook his head, groaning frustrated.

"Do you remember when was the last time you came here Alex? Cause I do… it was nine months ago. _Nine!_ Why haven't you shown your face around here until now? I'll tell you why… Cause I didn't have cancer before!" Sebastian was so upset that he could feel his heartbeat speeding up and was thankful to have the blanket around him so Alex couldn't notice how his hands were shaking.

"You probably think I'm going to die soon and that's why you came here. To ease your conscience or something... Right? Well, guess what? I'm not going to die, so you can go back to avoiding me… I'll be just fine!"

Alex was visibly frustrated; he looked like he wanted to say something, but remained quiet through Sebastian's rant. Sebastian didn't know if Alex's silence infuriated him more or not, he only knew he didn't want to be there with him anymore. Sebastian was starting to feel nauseous, so he slowly got up from the lounger.

"Sebastian please don't go… I just… I want to talk."

"Well, I don't."

Sebastian stood up and attempted to turn around to walk back to the house, but he was only able to take a couple of steps before his nausea got worse and he fell to his knees, one hand over his stomach and the other one covering his mouth.

The nausea was bordering on painful; Sebastian could feel his throat closing up and his stomach turning. He knew it was inevitable, and he could feel his eyes burning with tears as he hunched over and heaved; throwing up his breakfast over the poolside.

Alex rushed to where Sebastian was and knelt by his side as he vomited; and stayed there with him as he felt his body shaking, sweating and coughing until he completely emptied the contents of his stomach. When Sebastian had finally stopped vomiting, Alex helped him get up so he could sit again in the chair.

"Fuck…"

"Are you okay? Tell me what you need… Seb?"

Sebastian couldn't talk… he was focused on his breathing, trying with all his might to keep calm so he would not vomit again. He hated feeling like this, so weak and pathetic he couldn't even walk away from this situation he was in.

"Stay here, I'm going to get you some water."

Alex ran to the house and came back a few seconds later, holding a glass of water and paper tissues from the kitchen. Sebastian looked up and noticed Alice and Jenna, two of the housemaids standing by the door, looking at him with concern.

Sebastian waved at them as to let them know he was fine. He didn't want them to call his mom and worry her at work. Alex put the glass of water close to his face and Sebastian took it with shaky hands, drinking a little before putting it down.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… ugh... it's just… I'll be fine." Sebastian said before hunching over and heaving again, his body tensed up from the nausea even though his stomach was mostly empty. There was nothing in his stomach except the water he just drank, but his body ached to throw it up nonetheless.

Alex had his hand over Sebastian's back, moving it slowly in a circular motion, trying to soothe him. When Sebastian looked to his side he noticed Alex was moving his lips.

"Alex… please don't."

"W-what?"

"I can see you praying. Stop."

"I wasn't. I mean… sorry."

Alex was completely flustered at being caught, but Sebastian had no energy to argue with him right now, so he just laughed weakly.

"Yes you were. But, whatever… If God didn't cure me from homosexuality, I doubt he is gonna to cure me from cancer."

Alex didn't say anything; he just bit his lip. Sebastian drank a little more water, and used one of the paper tissues Alex brought him to wipe his mouth and nose. Sebastian could still feel his body slightly shaking, but he knew it would pass. He was so focused on his own discomfort that he hadn't realized Alex's eyes were rimmed red and full of unshed tears.

"God, why are you crying?" Sebastian said, exasperatedly.

Alex just shook his head, looking down at his feet while Sebastian got his breath back. They stayed silent for a couple of minutes and Sebastian's mind drifted away, reminiscing about happier times when he and Alex would hang by the pool and have a good time with Catherine and the rest of the family. Things had changed so much in the past year.

"If I tell you I'm sorry, would you believe me?"

Sebastian sighed, taking in Alex's words before responding.

"I don't want an apology from you Alex. What I need is for you to tell me why you've been avoiding me, and I want you to be honest."

Alex rubbed his temples and then crossed his hands, putting them under his chin.

"I don't... I don't know how to explain."

"Just tell me."

Alex wouldn't look at him, and Sebastian knew why that was.

"Do you think I'm going to hell?"

"What? No... Seb, don't say that."

Sebastian just shrugged, waiting for Alex to say something, but he was silent. They were sitting right next to each other, and Sebastian could tell that his cousin was nervous, rigid with tension as he just pondered his thoughts.

"Did your mother forbid you from hanging out with me? Is that it?"

Alex buried his face in his hands and shook his head. Sebastian was starting to lose his patience.

"Don't lie to me, I know how Aunt Helen feels about me being gay. I heard her talking to my dad about it."

"What?"

"One day, Lacrosse practice finished earlier than usual and when I got home your mother was there, speaking to my mom and dad in the kitchen. I was about to go inside and say hi when I heard her telling my parents they needed to pray for _'my situation'_, that if they went back to church maybe things could change for the better…" Sebastian laughed bitterly, "Like me being gay was some sort of punishment for the family… And you know my mom; she wants nothing to do with the church, so she told her to stop, but my dad… He was having a hard time accepting me as it was and your mother kept feeding him all that bullshit. So, don't lie to me Alex… stop protecting her!"

"I'm not protecting her! She didn't… Mom never forbade me from talking to you. She actually kept pushing me to talk to you, to invite you to church and stuff." Alex admitted, and Sebastian just huffed in disbelief.

"So then…" Sebastian's voice was small; dreading to ask because he knew the answer his cousin would give him. If his aunt wasn't to blame for this then it only meant that it was Alex's own choice to distance himself from him.

"Did I do something to offend you? Or is being gay offensive enough?"

"No! God, Seb... please don't say that."

"Why… it's the truth, isn't it? Just admit it!" Sebastian raised his voice, and Alex practically jumped up from the lounger, taking a few steps away from Sebastian. Alex was just walking around with his hands over his head, avoiding Sebastian's gaze and looking like he wanted to cry.

In all honesty, Sebastian wanted to cry too. All this time he'd been convincing himself that his Aunt Helen was the one to blame for this. That she was the homophobic one, keeping Alex away from him... But to find out that staying away from him was Alex's own choice hurt Sebastian more than any homophobic slur ever thrown at him. His own cousin, the guy that he grew up with hated Sebastian because of who he was.

Sebastian was so angry, he felt a few tears stream down his face but quickly wiped them away with his hand. Sebastian got up again, thankful that this time the nausea didn't come back.

"Well you know what? _Fuck you_, Alex!"

Alex was gaping with a horrified expression on his face. Sebastian just looked him up and down before turning away from him. Sebastian was done with this, he didn't want to see Alex's face ever again.

Just as Sebastian was about to reach the door to get back inside his house, he heard it.

_"I think I'm gay!"_

Sebastian froze on the spot, when he turned around to look at his cousin he was shaking his head and covering his mouth like he couldn't believe that he said that out loud.

"You… _What?"_

Alex looked like he was about to pass out. His face was flushed and his eyes swollen from all the tears. He slumped down in the chair and just covered his face with his hands.

"I think I'm gay Seb... Alright? I just… I don't know... _Oh my god!"_ Alex kept running his hands over his hair and face nervously. Sebastian was speechless; he stared at his cousin in complete disbelief. He didn't know what to do with this sudden revelation.

Sebastian just stood there, watching his cousin cry. Little by little, his anger started fading away and a feeling of sympathy took its place. This was something he never saw coming, but it had to be true. Alex was crying, and he seemed completely and utterly ashamed of his confession. Sebastian slowly walked back to the poolside and sat in the chair next to him. For a long while neither of them said anything. Sebastian was deep in thought and Alex seemed to be too.

After a while of just sitting there, it was Alex who broke the silence.

"I wanted to tell you… for the longest time, but I never had the guts. I was terrified, and I didn't know what to do. I still don't…" Alex said, still sniffling a little between words. "When you came out, your dad told my mom, and she told me… She said you were gay, and s_he cried,_ Sebastian. She cried and ranted about it for hours, and you have no idea of all the things she said... It was awful, because every single thing she said, I knew she would think the same of me. So I panicked."

Sebastian felt like he was in a dream. All the words coming out of his cousin's mouth felt surreal.

"I wanted to figure this out on my own. I knew if I was alone with you, I would end up telling you, and I didn't want to. I just wanted to stop feeling like that, I thought if I prayed hard enough, maybe I could stop feeling what I felt. My mom kept telling me to invite you to church, to 'help you'... and so I did, but just to get her off my back, because I knew you wouldn't want to go to church. I distanced myself from you because I was scared. I was afraid of what could happen. Afraid of what my mom would do if I ever… god."

"If you ever came out?"

"Yeah… but, I don't know if I'm gay Seb… I've never kissed a guy or anything. I just know that I feel things... _strong things_, towards some of my friends and I've tried to stop it, but I can't. I feel like a horrible person."

"Liking guys doesn't make you a horrible person." Sebastian said, and Alex smiled sadly.

"My best friend, Brandon… I've told him about you. He knows that you're gay, and we've talked about it… We've prayed for you. I feel so stupid, but he is my best friend, and I know if I ever came out he won't be anymore."

"Why?"

"Because he thinks it's wrong Seb, that's what the bible says… that's what-... I don't know."

"How can you be friends with someone who hates gays?"

"It's not that he _hates-_… I mean..." Alex stumbled upon his words "It's like… I don't know how to explain it but… _'Love the sinner, not the sin'_ is what they say. They'll never say you're disgusting, or that you're an abomination or anything, but they'll still encourage you to change, to pray and to stay away from _'those desires'_ and stuff like that… you know? 'Cause same sex relationships are not God's will."

Sebastian felt really bad for Alex now; he was leaving a double life. Sebastian couldn't imagine himself doing that. He would feel like punching everyone in the face all the time.

"You should have told me."

"I know… I'm sorry."

After another couple of seconds of silence, Sebastian laughed and said: "Hmm… I should introduce you to Trent, you'd make a good couple."

"What?" Alex said, flustered.

"I'm kidding…" Sebastian laughed, "Don't you have a girlfriend though?"

"Um… Not anymore…" Alex admitted, "We broke up a few months ago. It just... wasn't working, I guess."

"But… did you _like_ her? I mean, _being_ with her." Sebastian was genuinely curious because he couldn't imagine himself kissing a girl, or touching and just… no.

"Kind of? I don't know… I guess I tried, but… my head is a mess and I don't know what I'm feeling half the time so, it wasn't fair to her. God, I feel awful… I don't know what I'm gonna do about this."

Sebastian nodded understandingly. "You don't have to come out yet… You know? Take as much time as you need… Do it when you're ready."

Alex just smiled. "Maybe someday I will… I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what it's like, you know? To have someone… _A guy_. It must be really nice. I hope someday, maybe when I go to college or something… Maybe then I can meet someone, and be with him… like you and Kurt."

Sebastian almost choked on his own breath. "Wait… _Kurt?_ How do you know about Kurt?"

"Um… I actually met him at the hospital when my mom and I went to visit you, a few weeks ago."

"I don't remember you coming-"

"You were asleep." Alex interrupted him, "My mom and I went to visit you, and Kurt was in your room when we got there. He was sitting by your side, holding your hand… My mom kept looking at him and making these constipated faces, but Kurt never let go of your hand all the while… and we were there for almost an hour."

Alex was smiling fondly at the memory, and Sebastian couldn't help but feel puzzled and confused. He vaguely remembered Kurt holding his hand that one time, but he'd been sure it had been a dream. Sebastian's brain was always fuzzy after chemo. Sebastian never imagined Kurt would hold his hand even after he'd fallen asleep… Kurt knew about Sebastian's aunt, and he must have done it on purpose just to spite her… Sebastian smiled, feeling grateful to Kurt but at the same time feeling guilty for being such an asshole to him.

"Yeah… Kurt is pretty great." Sebastian admitted. "But he's not… I mean, we're just friends." _Or at least we were,_ his mind supplied.

"Oh, sorry… I just _assumed _because of the hand-… well, nevermind…" Alex stammered through his words, "Um… I added him on Facebook, I hope that's okay?"

"You did what? _When?"_

"I actually sent him the invite a few weeks ago, but he didn't accept it until a few days ago. He seems like a really nice guy."

Sebastian felt weird all of the sudden. Why hadn't Kurt mentioned Alex's friend request? Sebastian didn't quite know what to think of that… and he didn't quite know why, but it bothered him a little.

"Did you talk to him?" Sebastian asked, and Alex suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I um… not really, I mean… I just said thanks for adding me and stuff… and I asked him how you were doing… but that's all."

"And what did he say?"

"Well… He said I should ask you myself."

Sebastian just smiled sadly, because that was exactly the kind of thing Kurt would do.

"Is something wrong?" Alex asked.

"No… Well, Kurt and I just... we're not really speaking right now."

Alex frowned, "Why? What happened?"

Sebastian sighed and sat back, lying down in the chair with his feet behind Alex's back. He pondered for a moment if he should tell Alex or not… but figured since they were already talking it really couldn't hurt.

"I got mad at him, and was kind of a jerk… He probably hates me now."

"What did he do?"

"Well…" Sebastian tried to find the words to explain to his cousin exactly what Kurt had done, but he couldn't. When everything happened things had been so big and awful inside Sebastian's head, but now as he tried to put it into words the truth was that it sounded silly and petty and all around stupid.

"Argh… it's just stupid."

"Seb? What is it?"

"I kinda wanted to keep this a secret… My cancer, I mean."

Alex frowned and squinted his eyes, like what Sebastian just said made no sense… and maybe it didn't, but Sebastian just shrugged... "I can't really explain why but… I just didn't want people to know, and the other day at the mall, I was with Kurt when my nose started bleeding. There were some guys from school there, and Kurt said I had leukemia."

"Whoa… he just told them?" Alex asked, and Sebastian winced because no, Kurt didn't just_ tell them. _As much as he hated to admit it, Sebastian had no right to be mad at Kurt for what happened.

"Well… He was calling 911. So I guess he kinda _had to_ say it but… I still got mad at him. He didn't really do anything wrong... I'm just an asshole, I guess."

Sebastian laughed sadly, and Alex just pressed his lips into a tight smile. Alex remained thoughtful for a couple of seconds and then said: "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you want to keep it a secret?"

Sebastian knew exactly why, but he was not going to say it out loud. He couldn't let himself admit to feeling insecure and vulnerable, he just couldn't.

"It doesn't matter… everyone knows now."

"Who is 'everyone'?"

"Um… I don't know… probably the entire Dalton student body and their mothers."

Alex raised his eyebrows. "Wow…"

"Yeah… it sucks."

"Have you talked to anyone yet?"

"No… not really. I've kinda been avoiding everything for a while now."

Alex just nodded awkwardly, but Sebastian could tell he wanted to say something.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I can tell there's something on your mind… so, spill."

"I don't know… I just don't understand why you'd want to go through this alone. That's all."

Sebastian breathed in and shook his head. Alex would never understand what he felt… So what was the point of even trying to explain?

"I mean… I know you have a lot of friends, right?" Alex continued, "What if they want to support you and be there for you... But you're just pushing everyone away? Why are you hiding, Seb?"

And that's the word that finally snapped Sebastian out of it._ Hiding. _The way Alex just said it, he'd never seen it that way before, but it was true. He was hiding, like a coward… and Sebastian didn't want to be a coward.

"I'm not _hiding_, Alex… I just don't want people talking about me like I'm some sort of charity case, you don't underst-"

"Then _talk_ to them!" Alex interrupted him, "I mean... if they already know now, wouldn't it be better if they heard things from you? Think about it Seb, if all those guys at the mall saw was your massive nosebleed, who knows what they must think now... Watching that and then hearing Kurt say you have leukemia must paint a pretty awful picture... Don't you think?"

Sebastian frowned, hating the fact that his cousin had a point.

"Look Seb, I know it's none of my business and if you want to be alone it's your choice but... I think you're not giving people enough credit."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, that maybe people care about you more than you think."

Sebastian sighed, remembering the look on Kurt's face when he'd seen him at the parking lot. The way he'd smiled, looking nervous and even hopeful; only to have Sebastian look at him like he was nothing. He also remembered the smile on Trent's face when he saw him at the mall. He seemed happy to see Sebastian while he was just wishing Trent would go away. To a point, Sebastian did feel remorse and guilt at the way he had behaved lately, but he didn't quite know what to do about it now. His life was a mess, and most of that mess he'd created himself.

Alex stayed with Sebastian for a while longer. The morning was getting warmer, and Sebastian was tired so they went inside to watch TV. Alex would have to go home soon and even though Sebastian wasn't feeling well, they still joked around, speculating how much trouble Alex would get into once his mom found out he didn't go to school. Sebastian was trying really hard to stay awake but he ended up falling asleep in the couch.

When Sebastian woke up, Alex was gone and his mom was already home. Sebastian could hear her talking to one of the maids in the dining room so he decided to get up and say hi. When he stood up from the couch, Sebastian realized there was a note laying in the floor beside the couch. He picked it up and read it:

_"Went home, didn't want to wake you. I'll call you later, if mom doesn't kill me. Good luck talking with your friends, and Kurt! ;) - Alex."_

_Smartass_. Sebastian rolled his eyes and laughed, folding the small paper note and putting it in his pocket before heading towards the kitchen.

Later in the afternoon, Sebastian couldn't help but replay Alex's words in his head over and over again. His visit had been really unexpected, and Sebastian didn't quite know how to feel about it. One thing was certain though, and that was that Sebastian had his cousin back. It felt nice, but weird at the same time, like they would have to get to know each other all over again before things could get back to how they used to be. But at least they were talking again, and that was good.

The weekend passed in a blur. The side effects of Sebastian's latest chemotherapy session slowly faded away, and he started to feel a little better. Sebastian kept his routine of turning on his phone only at nights so he could talk to his sister. Something felt different though, Sebastian was on edge every time he turned it off, not on.

As much as he hated to admit it, his cousin had a point. Sebastian couldn't hide away forever, and he shouldn't have to. He knew he needed to come out of his cave and talk to Trent and the Warblers. Who knows what ideas they were getting in their heads by now.

Sebastian made his decision on Sunday night... But it wasn't until Monday morning when he finally gathered the courage to go through with it. He turned on his laptop for the first time in a long time and decided to write an email to those of the Warblers who had called or texted him during the time he'd been gone.

...

**From:** Sebastian Smythe

**To:** Trent Nixon, Jeff Sterling, Nicholas Duval, David Thompson, Hunter Clarington, Thad Harwood

**Subject:** I'm alive.

Hey guys…

I figure by now you all must have heard about what happened, and why I have been MIA for the past few months. I've had my reasons for staying under the radar, and well... I won't go into detail here, because I'd rather do it in person.

I'm sorry I haven't taken your calls or replied to your messages, but... I'd really like to talk to you guys about what's been going on. So I was thinking maybe you could come over after school? Only if you want to, of course.

I'll be waiting. Hope to see you soon.

Sebastian

...

Sebastian's hands were cold and sweaty as he typed, and his stomach turned with the nerves and anticipation of what would happen if he sent the email. He was hesitant about including Hunter, because he figured Hunter could still be pissed about Sebastian ditching them without a word right before Regionals, but he included him anyway.

It took Sebastian almost an hour to type that message out because nothing he came up with sounded quite right, and he would keep deleting everything over and over. Sebastian stared at the email for a long time before gathering the courage to click SEND.

After sending the email, Sebastian got up from his desk chair and dropped himself on the bed, face down and hiding under a pillow. He tried to ease his breathing before it started getting out of hand, and then when he was feeling a little less nervous, he curled into himself and tried to sleep.

His laptop remained open in his desk, and if Sebastian had checked, he'd realized that not long after sending the email, his inbox started filling with replies from the guys.

Hours passed and Sebastian remained in his bed, appetite completely gone from the nerves that ran through him and unable to really sleep. His mind was racing with all the possibilities of what would happen that afternoon, and thinking about what he was going to say. Sebastian knew he had to be strong, he'd been avoiding this moment for so long that for a while he had even thought he would be able to get away with never dealing with it at all, but it was time... And it was long overdue.

He didn't dare to go out of his room... his anxiety medication laid completely forgotten in his bedside drawer. As nervous as he was, Sebastian didn't take any because he didn't want to feel numb… he wanted to do this the right way, and he was trying really hard to just step up to the occasion. As the minutes passed, Sebastian felt more and more like the whole thing had been just a terrible idea, but he couldn't back out now.

Sebastian spent more time than he ever had, trying to figure out what to wear. He had never been nervous about his appearance, as he was that day. And his stupid gray beanie would have to do, since the cool ones he bought at the mall had been completely ruined.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and it was Alice.

"Sebastian… there is someone downstairs to see you, we told him you weren't receiving any visits, but he insisted and-"

"Who is it?"

"Trent Nixon… he is wearing a Dalton uniform."

"It's fine… I forgot to tell you that I'll be expecting company. So, whoever comes just… let them in, okay?" Sebastian sighed and got up from the bed, steadying himself on slightly shaky feet. _It was truth time._

By the time Sebastian went out of his room and down the stairs, Trent was standing in the middle of his living room, with a big and hopeful smile on his face. Sebastian pressed his lips into a tight smile and welcomed him.

"Hey Trent…"

"Sebastian! Man, it's so good to see you!" Trent exclaimed, pulling Sebastian into a hug "I called you like a million times last week!"

Sebastian was caught a little off guard by Trent's sudden gesture, but smiled nonetheless.

"Yeah... Sorry about that." He said half-heartedly, and Trent just shook his head, smiling.

"Can I just say that I'm _so glad_ you're finally doing this... Cause I swear If I had to keep this a secret for one more day I was going to lose my mind!"

"Wait... What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about you not answering my calls or replying to my texts and-... Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"

"No! I mean what you said... keeping a secret? What-"

"Yeah... I mean, about... your _illness_. I haven't told anyone."

Sebastian gave Trent a skeptical look. "You really didn't tell anyone about what happened?"

"No! Of course not." Trent replied, looking shocked and almost offended, and Sebastian couldn't even form words, his mind was busy trying to process what Trent just said.

"W-why?" He asked, completely dumbstruck.

"Well... Because Kurt asked me not to tell anyone. At first I didn't understand why you didn't want anyone to know... And to be honest, I still don't. But Kurt said that if I really considered you a friend, then I should respect your wishes. That it was not my secret to share, and that I should talk to you first... You deleted your Facebook and I had no idea if you would even check your email... So I tried calling you, but I couldn't get to you, and I didn't know what to do but... No, I didn't tell anyone, Sebastian. I swear I didn't."

Sebastian squinted his eyes, feeling completely at a loss. He couldn't believe what Trent was saying. It felt surreal… like a really weird dream that he was stuck in. He'd been freaking out about the backlash and about everyone knowing he had cancer, and all this time Trent had kept it a secret. Sebastian sighed in complete disbelief, he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry at this unexpected turn of events.

"Wait… you thought I told everyone, _didn't you?"_

"Uh… Yeah." Sebastian admitted, still in shock. "I figured you had just-_… _I just thought everyone knew by now,or at least the Warblers. You really didn't tell _anyone?_"

"No… I didn't."

"So, what? No one knows?"

"No!"

Sebastian still couldn't believe it.

"But… what about Blaine? You expect me to believe that he kept my secret too? Come on."

Trent frowned, looking at Sebastian like he was growing another head or something. "Blaine wouldn't _dare_ say a word to anyone; not after what happened at the mall. He feels terrible, and besides, he's too worried about Kurt hating him enough as it is. Not that Kurt _actually_ hates him, but… he was just really adamant about it, you know? Kurt made us _promise_ we wouldn't say anything… Didn't he tell you?" Trent asked, looking confused, and Sebastian just shook his head, because Kurt couldn't say anything to him when he'd completely shut him out of his life.

"Sebastian, I swear, Kurt even gave me his phone number and told me to just call him and vent to him if I ever felt anxious and wanted to talk about it. Just cause I was freaking out so much about everything, and you wouldn't take any of my calls… I actually called Kurt a couple of times last week, and I swear there was a point when he pretty much threatened me with bodily harm if I told anyone about this before speaking to you!"

Sebastian huffed, shaking his head and smiling sadly as he realized all the fears that had been tormenting and stressing him out this past week had been all inside his head. He felt like an idiot… and like an asshole. He'd felt so paranoid and helpless that he had unfairly dropped his frustrations on Kurt, blaming him for what happened when Kurt had actually gone out of his way to make sure his secret was safe.

"I didn't know." Sebastian said, in a small voice, and Trent stared at him with a pained expression.

"So… why did you send out the email then? Was it because you thought everyone already knew about your cancer?"

"Yeah… something like that."

Trent pressed his lips into a tight line and sighed.

"Listen, the guys will be here any minute now, and they don't know what's going on but… Sebastian, they were all very glad to hear from you. You have no idea! So, I really think you should tell them. They care about you… we all do, and-"

Trent stopped mid-sentence, interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing, and Sebastian felt his stomach do a little nervous jump. He turned to his side and could see the silhouettes of the guys behind the big wooden and glass door.

"They're here." Sebastian said, feeling a little breathless.

"Yeah… What are you going to do?" Trent asked, eyes wide, looking concerned but hopeful. Sebastian just looked at him and gathered all the strength he could muster.

"Screw it… I'm just gonna tell them. Yeah."

Trent smiled widely, looking proud of Sebastian for his decision; but the truth was, Sebastian had never been more nervous in his life. It didn't matter though, cause he just took a deep breath and braced himself.

_It was time to face the music._


End file.
